So, bare with me, this is a long one but I really need to talk. For the last three years my mental health has been deteriorating, I have put on 5 stones. Alot has happened in thise times. It started by some random woman popping up and saying she had had a child with my husband many years ago (at the beginning of our relationship) but it turns out she had been blackmailing him over it for a few months and he had kept it all secret. We dealt with this and moved on. Then we were forced to move house as we rent and they were selling up, I took this really badly, plus the lack of support from family. Then my job changed and I was very unhappy in it and to a certain extent bullied by a co-worker. I have developed arthritis in my hip, my blood pressure is dangerously high though am sorting that through medication. I am really overweight and am so unhealthy. I feel like I'm drowning most days and cant make it through a day without crying. During this last 6 months me and my husband have drifted apart. I just feel so unsupported, which is ironic because he suffers from depression. He works, then comes home and runs his online business then spends time on his hobby. I feel like I never see him, he leads his life and I look after the kids, house and him. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I tried talking to him about stuff I needed to do for doctors and I just ended up getting upset and stormed off to bed. Things have not been right since. I feel I cant open up to him, I have tried a couple of times and he just ignores it (not even sure he is intentionally doing this). So night before last he went to sleep downstairs because I was snoring. I followed him to see why and I just lost it and told him to f#@k off. That I know that's what he wants and went back up to bed. The next day he went to work without seeing me and I text him, asking if he still loves me and if he wants to be together still (we have been married for nearly 19 years and have 3 kids). That something needs to be done. An arguement ensued over text. When he came home we tried talking and I again opened up to him trying to explain that the problem was me not us and how bad I had got. But he thinks there is more to it, that he feels trapped, that I am always having a go at him and he is always wrong. Our sea lives have always been shit, I just dont have any sex drive (never have unless I'm really drunk) also I find it quite disgusting, soggy and yuk! So he of course brought that up. I said we are fundamentally different, he would happily go out and socialise etc etc but I'm more than happy staying home with my little family and keeping myself to myself. He decided he needed to leave and sort his head so he went and stayed out last night. I havent heard from him since. I feel abandoned, like he has left me in my darkest hour, like I am left at home again holding everything together like the glue of the family. But I have nothing left to give. It feels like he has gone if to judge me, decide whether he wants me or not. I feel desolate, empty I dont know what to do. I love him and always have, but I am what I am and I dont know how to be different, I am sharp, fussy probably a bit controlling in things like normal stuff I dont mean controlling what he does. I just feel so alone, I dont know what to, please someone respond
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