Sick of being ignored

[angelofmum]

My DH is always working and tired/stressed. I can't speak to him without him looking irritated because I'm interrupting him working (now from home since Covid). He barely pays me any attention, I get zero emotional support and I feel very alone. He helps with the kids in the evening but that's it in the week. I've told him how I feel numerous times but he just says I knew what he was like when I married him and his job isn't going to change. I've threatened to leave so many times but don't because of the kids and also when it's good it's good and when it's bad it's pretty rubbish. He's never been good at offering emotional support and says he finds it hard. I know the grass isn't always greener but sometimes he pushes me to want to find someone else as he makes little effort with me.

[Jessy2903]

You are correct- the grass isn't always greener.

But it sounds to me like you could manage just fine without him, so what are YOU getting from this marriage?
Unhappiness is worse then sticking it out for the kids, it will get worse and as they get older they will see, then it will be too late to start again.

I would try and get him to agree to some form of counselling as that can really help.

But failing that, look after you- you are most important in this as your children depend on you.
He's probably just as unhappy

[angelofmum]

I definitely could manage fine on my own as with the nature of his job and long hours I've been left with most of the responsibilities. He is a good person, but as my mum would say he's sold his soul to the devil - lured by the city and working long hours for big money. None of it interests me and I'm not a material person, I'd rather he worked less hours for less money and we had him around a bit more. I come from a divorced family and whilst I was happy enough being brought up by my mum there were issues that hit me later as an adult. I guess I'm scared of messing my kids up later down the line.

[angelofmum]

The counselling is a great idea, he never has any free time but that would be my go to before leaving him.

[MrsGilly1]

Hi,

I think it is about trying to reach a compromise.

Could it be that when he is working he is left alone to get on but come a set time say 4.39-5om that is when he switches off and then attention is focused on you and kids..

So helping to set the kids for tea, helping bath kids and put to bed then the two of you get a movie on and snuggle up?

Same weekends so if he has to work he works up til lunch time and then switches off allowing you to go on family walks etc? X