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Think I’m having a nervous breakdown...

(20 Posts)
Salbadari Fri 24-Jul-20 22:17:17

We have 6 DC ranging from 18 months to 15.
three are mine from previous marriage. One is stepdaughter who comes for holiday.
Our 5 year old has ADHD and is incredibly hard work.

My stepdaughter (6) is with is at the moment for 3 weeks so I’m at home with all 6 DC alone. I’m trying to WFH part time as well as do the housework and DH has been working full time, I’m on the edge.

I can’t remember things, doing strange things like putting dinner on them forgetting to turn the oven. I can’t cope with being around my DC or any kind of stress. I can do the basics but lose my shit (crying, staring into space, scream at DH) at the slightest sign of stress. I simply can’t cope.

He’s being a dick IMO and saying it’s all me, he needs to work, he told me I’d bitten of more than I could chew taking on my PT job, I offered to look after stepdaughter and that I’m only losing it because I’m ore menstrual.

I feel like I’m losing my mind.

OP’s posts: |
RamblingRose1 Fri 24-Jul-20 22:36:45

Wow that sounds like hard work. I have 2 and also feel like it's too much sometimes so not sure how you cope with 6! Can you get the younger ones out to the park first thing to tire them out then let them chill with snacks and a film while you do part time work? Maybe whack the music on loud for 30 mins in the afternoon and see how much tidying you can all do to straighten the place up.
Ignore me if these are crap ideas, I take my hat off to you for just feeding them and keeping them alive everyday. I think your partner needs to help out more x

SoulofanAggron Fri 24-Jul-20 22:49:08

This is just my theory but I think if we call something a nervous breakdown, that term can make us feel worse/more anxious as it feels so major (I'm not saying your situation isn't hard and you're struggling to cope, but that the term isn't helpful to anyone, as it just causes more anxiety.)

You are suffering from stress/anxiety/overwhelm. Please contact your GP, they can help you.

I also think your DH is being emotionally abusive by saying it's all you, you're being irrational, you chose to work etc. He is not supporting you.

Could you ask any family or friends to help you with some stuff, shopping, whatever?

Could you pay someone to do some of the stuff? (I know it's money, but it's affordable if you prioritize it.)

Could you send the step daughter back to her mum's (say to the mum that it's not personal, you've just got a lot on your plate with WFH etc- be honest with her that you are really struggling right now with work and the kids and feel like you're cracking up.)

Do you get DLA for the 5 year old yet?

I really don't like the sound of your husband.

Hugs. flowers flowers

Salbadari Sat 25-Jul-20 01:22:49

Thank you. I had a meltdown this evening, he’d been out most of the day then went to the shop and took 45 minutes as they didn’t have what he needed.

I needed to cook our dinner and was expected to bath the 3 younger D.C. too as he was out. I just reached the end of my tether and lost it with him.

I was screaming the house down. It wasn’t because he’d taken so long at the shop, but because he kept saying ‘this is how you react when I go out the house for too long’ (not true) and saying it was because of my period and basically completely rubbishing my claims that I can’t cope and blaming me. He then recorded the whole thing on his phone and started playing it back loudly when I’d left the room so that I’d know he had.

OP’s posts: |
Salbadari Sat 25-Jul-20 01:24:53

It was his petty revenge because once he’d flown into a drunken rage over something ridiculous and I’d recorded how he was shouting at me and how he was speaking to me.

OP’s posts: |
AriettyHomily Sat 25-Jul-20 01:31:50

You're not having a breakdown, you're losing shut over looking after six kids and an alcoholic. Something has to give, you need to decide that it's him.

Salbadari Sat 25-Jul-20 01:34:52

I’m worried if I find it this difficult already how will I cope as a single parent?

OP’s posts: |
fflelp Sat 25-Jul-20 08:15:29

He sounds like an absolute nightmare.
I'd stop doing anything relating to him to cut down the workload. Tell him you have far too much to do, especially as you are looking after your step-daughter as well. So from now on he does his own laundry. He also needs to care for his children when he is at home and also needs to do his share of the cooking.
I fear though, that when you sit down to talk to him about him doing more, he'll just complain about your part-time job. You could still try!

Your oldest children should be helping around the home too. Get some kind of jobs rota organized so that they can take some of the work off you. There is no reason at all why a 15 year old can't clean a bathroom or hoover etc. All children except the 18 month can sort laundry - get a good system going for this. You shouldn't have to collect and sort laundry from their bedrooms and you shouldn't have to put clothes away for them either.
I'd also get the older ones planning activities with the younger ones so you can get on with some work. The 18 month old will obviously need more attention - what do you do with them while you are working?
Maybe some kind of timetable might help. When you're doing your part-time work, the children are doing something together - eg. watching a film, drawing, playing a game. Afterwards you could go out to the park. Whatever works for you.

It might not work but you could always try.

ArriettyJones Sat 25-Jul-20 08:21:50

Salbadari

I’m worried if I find it this difficult already how will I cope as a single parent?

It’s actually much easier to be a single parent than to deal with the children and a man child too. Ditching him would be a huge decrease in workload, hassle and stress.

Also, as a single parent you won’t have to care for DSD so that’ll be five DC instead of six. Small decrease in workload there, too.

Plus, if he is responsible enough to have the joint DC for staying or visiting contact, you’ll get a bit of a break while the younger ones are with him. Do the older ones see their dad at all? They will be older teens before you know it anyway.

Baby steps OP. You can improve things for yourself. flowers

SoulofanAggron Sat 25-Jul-20 08:36:59

^ ‘this is how you react when I go out the house for too long’ (not true) and saying it was because of my period and basically completely rubbishing my claims that I can’t cope and blaming me. He then recorded the whole thing on his phone and started playing it back loudly when I’d left the room so that I’d know he had.^

He is emotionally abusive. I missed the bit that he was also an alcoholic, is that in another thread? My eyesight isn't the best.

You will be much healthier and happier as a single parent- you won't have someone around constantly mocking, insulting and denigrating you, and am sure you'll feel quite a bit better for it.

PP's are right that the 15 year old could clean etc. If you do some of the tasks with the kids it'll also mean you don't have to invent as much stuff to keep them busy.

How are the kids with you? I hope he hasn't got them treating you the way he does. sad

Veganforlife Sat 25-Jul-20 08:46:58

No don’t contact the gp
Why would you...
Your overwhelmed because you have to much to manage ,your only human ..I don’t know any woman who could manage that load of responsibilities.
Your doctor will give you pills to help you cope..no
Your husband needs to see he is asking to much of you ,send the kids back to their mums for a start .
Why are you looking after his kids ,while you work .
Surely his kids should come to stay when he is able to care for them
Get your husband doing half of everything when he is home.
Devide tasks between you both ,both of you take turns for a lie in on a weekend .
And ,stand up for yourself ..your not a babysitter to other people’s kids
Put your mental health first.

Nat6999 Sat 25-Jul-20 08:54:00

If he is causing you to feel so badly, get rid of him, then you don't have to cope with him or his other kids. You will be fine just looking after your own children without having to look after a dickhead like him.

SoulofanAggron Sat 25-Jul-20 08:57:21

No don’t contact the gp. Why would you...

@Veganforlife to help her cope with the situation. It's just one of many evidenced-based tools to help with stress etc.

Getting rid of a husband who's a wanker is another one.

Put your mental health first.

Exactly. If OP wasn't in this situation she would be less stressed, but at the moment she is in it and has to find ways to cope with it, as well as decrease the pressure.

Lozzerbmc Sat 25-Jul-20 09:00:16

I agree dont call it a nervous breakdown you are worn out clearly, unsurprisingly with 6 DCs and you need a break. The last few months have been extraordinarily stressful for families, home schooling with often poor school support, holding down jobs and running homes.

Can you go out for the day with friends or family for a break? Can the 3 DCs stay with their dad? Can you send back stepdaughter? Your DH not very supportive. He needs to stop remarks about it being due to your period.

Perhaps today you should leave them all to it and have a long walk and a lub lunch by yourself?

Lozzerbmc Sat 25-Jul-20 09:00:34

*pub lunch.

fflelp Sat 25-Jul-20 09:02:38

No don’t contact the gp
Why would you...
Because a gp can advise on what help is available for someone in her situation.
The OP is extremely stressed and the GP should be the first port of call in a situation like this. It is affecting her mental health therefore she should seek help.
It doesn't necessarily mean that she will be given "pills".

TheSparklyPussycat Sat 25-Jul-20 10:36:03

It is fairly likely that the GP would prescribe a short course of antidepressants, this is just to get you feeling better enough to think and plan. It is not to make you put up with the status quo.

namechange12a Sat 25-Jul-20 10:46:42

OP you need to take control. Tell your husband that you're not looking after his daughter if he's not there. He'll have to sort something out if he wants her there for three weeks.

Can you take some time off work? What you're doing is completely unmanageable and you're overwhelmed. Can you take some time off sick?

Your husband is abusive. Can you make an appointment with your GP and have a chat - book a double appointment if possible and explain how you're feeling. She may be able to make a referral to a domestic abuse organisation.

Nicolastuffedone Sat 25-Jul-20 11:05:07

Where does it say he’s an alcoholic? I’ve read it twice and I can’t see it.....no advice OP but it sounds like hell

fflelp Sat 25-Jul-20 11:50:56

Nicolastuffedone

Where does it say he’s an alcoholic? I’ve read it twice and I can’t see it.....no advice OP but it sounds like hell

It doesn't. But after the OP posted this "*It was his petty revenge because once he’d flown into a drunken rage over something ridiculous and I’d recorded how he was shouting at me and how he was speaking to me*" the poster immediately afterwards used the word alcoholic.
You're not having a breakdown, you're losing shut over looking after six kids and an alcoholic. Something has to give, you need to decide that it's him.

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