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Has anyone had therapy for codependancy?

(13 Posts)
grecianurn82 Fri 24-Jul-20 20:30:11

I've arranged to phone a counsellor next week with a view to starting face to face appointments. Basically my issues are codependancy and probably self esteem issues. I get into bad relationships, i had counselling with a domestic violence organisation after a very abusive marriage but i continue to make bad choices in relationships. My last 2 relationships were with alcholics, one in recovery, one still in active addiction. Its like i need to feel like i can fix someone and then get stressed, upset etc when I can't. I let people treat me terribly amd stay in the relationships way too long.
I'm just wondering whether anyone else has had therapy for similar and how it worked for you? This therapist specializes in CBT which I've heard great things about.

OP’s posts: |
Daphnesmate01 Fri 24-Jul-20 22:01:09

No, I've not had therapy yet (on waiting list) but I have a feeling that both co-dependency and self-esteem issues are two things I need to tackle.
Watching this thread with interest.

Nicelunch25 Fri 24-Jul-20 22:20:35

I read the 12 step codependency book and went through the exercises with someone who had done them with someone else. It was quite transformational as showed me where all my self defeating behaviours came from and once I was aware of them it was easier to detach and do things differently. Counselling sounds good but i would highly recommend the book. I read it very quickly and I'm not a big reader. It totally just spoke to me.

longcoffeebreak Fri 24-Jul-20 22:24:11

I am assuming you gave looked at Al-Anon, ACA and/or CODA?

longcoffeebreak Fri 24-Jul-20 22:24:37

Have

longcoffeebreak Fri 24-Jul-20 22:27:44

https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/

https://al-anon.org

https://coda.org

grecianurn82 Fri 24-Jul-20 23:04:09

I've been to a couple of al anon meetings a few years ago, my mother was an alcoholic so i suspect thats where my issues stem from. I didnt find the meetings helpful but maybe after counselling if i can understand my issues a bit better I might try again. I'll have a look at CODA, i haven't seen that before.
@Nicelunch25 I'll have a look for that book, thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Nicelunch25 Fri 24-Jul-20 23:23:15

They have codependent meetings online. I thought it was the same as Alanon but seemingly it's not. Just now with lockdown is a good time to try them as there are loads.

Sssloou Fri 24-Jul-20 23:29:05

Yes to the links above. For me the “adult children” daily email is really helping.

This book below is brilliant - totally helped me see and understand the issues - but weekly therapy held me accountable and helped me sense and feel when my co-dep urges start rising.....now I know the types of people I need to swerve and detach from in my life which I was getting triggered by. I literally have to sit on my hands and bite my tongue to stop myself driving in for a rugby style tackle to rescue! Also the understanding that the recipients of my rescuing find it abhorrent and smothering.....that’s excruciating to know.

www.amazon.co.uk/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

NativeAustralian Sat 25-Jul-20 13:26:53

I need that book. Have spent my whole life caring and rescuing and have no identity whatsoever without someone who is damaged and needing me.
Do you think it can be cured? I feel I am doomed to rinse and repeat the pattern

Perfectstorm12 Sat 25-Jul-20 19:39:04

I think it can be tackled but it can take a while for the penny to drop, or it has for me anyway. Also I realise lockdown has brought up a whole new wave of codependent tendencies that I now need to address again as I (once again) forgot that I exist as a person and not a pleaser. Onwards and upwards people!

GlassOfProsecco Sat 25-Jul-20 20:13:15

I had therapy towards the end of my 2nd marriage, when I was trying to understand why I had ended up with 2 dysfunctional men.

Through therapy, I was able to understand- it really was a lightbulb moment.

The best book I have read is "Co-dependency" for dummies. I felt the Melody Beattie book was guided note towards addiction issues, so that might be good for OP.

Good luck, OP.

Treatedlikeamaid Sun 26-Jul-20 10:05:55

Hello, currently reading codependent no more and can totally recommend. Like a lightbulb has gone off! Good luck x

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