I've been with DP almost 3 years and we have begun to seriously plan for our future together (saving for a house, planning to get engaged).
The issue is that he has cheated on 2 of his exes. The first when he was 18 and had moved away for college. He was on the cusp of becoming exclusive with a girl (who I'll call B) and became close with a girl in his dorm (I'll call C). He got into a relationship with B but cheated with C for 6 months. He ended things with C and remained with B (no cheating) for another 5 years (ironically B started a relationship with someone else whilst they were together which was what broke them up).
The second instance was when he was 24. He moved to a new city for postgrad and met 2 girls his first few weeks (D and E). He was getting to know them both in a dating capacity before becoming exclusive with one of them (I'll call D). You can see where this is going. During the early stages of their 1.5 year relationship he slept with E twice.
I met him before he began dating D (or E) but we were friends for 2 years (and he was single for 6 months) before we fell for each other. We fell pretty hard and he told me about all his past cheating saying he wanted to be fully honest and not do anything like that again. He has not cheated on me and not come close but recently I've begun wondering if I'm hopelessly naive to believe he won't in the future? For his part he regrets his actions and acknowledges that he's capable of such awful behaviour but claims that the trigger both times was he was dating both before a relationship happened and he was scared to lose the other (this doesn't excuse his behaviour but he's making an effort to understand how it occurred before so he can avoid it again). I believe his desire to change is genuine and that he himself believes he won't cheat on me, but life is long and temptations will happen.
I should mention what is good about the relationship also. We have a deep connection forged through our two year frienship and grown in our relationship. I find him very attractive and we have the same humour and the same long term goals.
Should we build a future together?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can I trust someone who cheated in his past?
Howeverfar · 24/07/2020 12:23
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.