Help with a toxic mother

[Shannen120]

Hello all I was wondering if anyone could help me as I am in such a dark place mentally and have lost all hope.

My relationship with my mum is very strained. I’m 26 and she is 50. She kicked me out at the age of 22 because I was ‘lazy’. Would just like to point out yes I was younger then and could have pulled my weight but I had taken on a university course and was working full time. So when I was in my room studying she would rant about how lazy I was and ‘rotting away’ in my room.

Anyway fast forward to now, I’ve had to move back in due to a breakdown of a relationship. Recently my mum has been very angry towards me and I don’t know what to do. She keeps ranting to my sister who’s only 10 how lazy I am and that she’s not sure how long she can put up with me living here. Loud enough for me to hear. I’m currently being given the silent treatment.

So basically during lockdown my current part time job (other was working in a school but closed) asked if I wanted to work full time and night shifts and she advised me it was a good idea before I start my teacher training in September to earn as much money as I can. So I’ve been working through the night 5 days a week. One of the days I work through the night, come home early morning, sleep and go back for an evening shift. So I’m very very tired. I get two days off a week but they’re days apart from each other and during my day’s off I’m trying to play catch up with everything else.
In the meantime I’m doing washing and drying, stuff like changing the bin, washing up, my own washing and drying too, tidying up mess that I see and just staying out of the way as well.

Well now suddenly I’m not doing enough. I’m really tired and wish I could help more but I’m absolutely knackered. She hasn’t been at work since March and keeps claiming she’s tired and making me out to be such a bad person I don’t know what to do. When she’s in this mood she turns all the family against me and I get told I’m lazy and selfish.

Before this kicked off today I had been in my room crying because my mental health hasn’t been too great and now she’s done this. I appreciate I could do more around the house, when I do it goes unnoticed and I’m so tired from work.

Is there any advice you could give dealing with a mother like this? I’m not claiming to be an angel I know I could be better

[Comtesse]

How soon til you can move out? Sounds awful. She’s got it in for you, need to get out of her orbit pronto. She’s a shocker, and no mistake.

[Poppinjay]

You're in an abusive relationship with your mother. You need to find somewhere else to live. Could you find a room in a shared house?

[nitsandwormsdodger]

I believe women's refuges can help and advise give them a call
This is abuse
Even if you were being lazy you have just been through a break up and working nights for christ sake !
Get out ASAP even a mouldy bed sit be healthier for your self esteem than your current situation

[Happynow001]

You need to get away from your toxic mother @Shannen120

Look for a houseshare in a suitable area, with the transport links you need for work/study/socialising and with your bedroom large enough to have a desk so you can study comfortably. You are working, thankfully, so hopefully able to afford something reasonable.

Sounds like you'd be better off in several ways away from the negative emotions of your mother...

Good luck. 🌹

[namechange12a]

Is there any advice you could give dealing with a mother like this?

You don't. Is there anywhere else you can go? Can you look on Gumtree for a house share? If you're still at university can you call them and enquire about accommodation? Contact Shelter? Phone your council housing department.

Get out OP and leave her to it.

[sweetkitty]

Get away as soon as you can and never look back. I had a horrible toxic mother and nothing I did was ever good enough, once I had DC and she started on them something snapped and I went NC with her, that was 11 years ago. She brought nothing good or nice to my life only stress and sadness.

[RandomMess]

Please find somewhere else to stay ASAP.