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Help and advice needed with flirting ex girlfriend - 1 year on

(47 Posts)
Headinhands2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:08:11

Good evening and thanks for your time.

So I moved out of the family home end of August 2019.
We barely spoke for a good few months.
Spent Christmas together, me, her and the kids.
Since leaving in August right up to February this year, I kept hinting at getting back together. Then I totally backed off, was cold not inviting as before. Then there was a change in her mood.

I would go over there once sometimes twice a week and on occasion so would be kind of flirty for lack of a better word. Bumping in to me on purpose, running her hands through my hair etc. Stuff like when we were together. This has continued for ages and this week was the tipping point.....

I was over there this week, led on one of the boys beds playing on PS4. She comes in and starts sitting on me. I push her off. She then lays on the bed and wraps her legs around me, pulling me closer in-between her legs. I push her off then she does this again. This goes on for a while. When I stop struggling to get her off and give up. After that she does the same to me on her bed. Pulling me between her legs. I end up rubbing her and making her c*m. She was led on her front and didn't touch me. Anyway I left after a while then she texts me....

I'm sorry, it shouldn't have happened.
I replied, honestly it's cool, I thought it's what you wanted.
She said it is but don't think it's a good idea.
I said it doesn't change anything and just forget it happened. Not spoken for a few days now however that's normal.

What do you make of it? I was used and it was to gain control? She has mixed emotions?
She keeps making a point that there is no one else.

She knew exactly what she was doing. Starting wrapping around me with trousers on then went away and came back with pyjama type pants on, saying she was hot. Wrapping around me again. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing.

OP’s posts: |
Laks0007 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:24:21

She sounds like she was just feeling lonely. Maybe she is a bit of an attention seeker/insecure and wants you to want her for her own validation?

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:27:28

Thanks for your reply. I think she was testing me and seeing how far I'd go. Now she's won? She had instant regret after, hence the text?

helpmum2003 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:30:05

What do you want? Why do you still go to the house?

HomesUnderTheSpanner Thu 23-Jul-20 21:34:46

Name change fail, OP.

To me it sounds like she was horny. I really wouldn't read any more into it.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:38:57

I go there in the week to see the kids and have them every other weekend. Maybe she was just horny but that doesn't really explain why she's always try touch or push me in a friendly way. It could have lead to more but chose just to touch her and not do anything else.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 21:44:37

Also, how do I play it next time I'm there? Next week. It's my birthday haha

HomesUnderTheSpanner Thu 23-Jul-20 21:59:50

It's difficult opening yourself up to a new relationship when you've been with the same person for many years so sleeping with an ex can feel so much easier if you are lonely/horny. I have been known to sleep with exes after breaking up as it's familiar and the trust and intimacy is already there despite not wanting to get back together.

She knows she could have you at the click of a finger so probably enjoys flirting as it makes her feel attractive.

I think she'd have reacted differently afterwards if she wanted you back.

I'd act as if nothing had happened the next time you see her. If she starts flirting again and you're not up for games, set boundaries. Back away if she tries to touch you, move her hand away, etc.

If you do keep sleeping with her, you may well end up getting your heart broken if you're hoping for more.

Laks0007 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:01:39

I don't think she is trying to test you. She just wants to make sure she can still get you. Yet doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

How you play it next week depends on what you want? Do you want to get back together- if so, lay all your cards on the table!

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:10:53

I always go there with the mindset of I'm there for the kids. Then when I'm there it's like a family unit. The break up with horrendous, so me actually being nice and doing things for her unconditionally has probably made her think, hang on... It could be all a game. I'm not going to be a f#ck buddy.

Ughmaybenot Thu 23-Jul-20 22:15:19

Honestly, I think she’s feeling a bit lonely and horny and it’s just easy with you, easy to fall back into old times. I think you need to try and separate yourselves better tbh, you still desperately want her back and she’s giving off mixed signals (to say the least!!).. you’ll end up hurt, again.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:19:34

I don't want to mess up what we've got now. It's taken ages to get to this stage. Even now, if I text a few words, she says BLUNT. like she still gives a shit. I guess going there next time will speak volumes. Will see her briefly tomorrow picking the kids up. She then has 4 days away from the kids.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:28:42

I'd have the family back tomorrow if I could. Did I do right to play it cool not keep texting her?

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:29:47

Together for 10 years, since she was 16.

Sugartitties Thu 23-Jul-20 22:43:14

op my guess is she just wanted to prove to herself she could still get you.

i’m sorry, not what you want to hear.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:46:51

I just wanted other people's views on this. I'm not going to get hurt, I won't let it. So the likelyhood of foreplay etc happening again is probably unlikely? She may have a new stance and he could towards me.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:47:26

Be cold towards me*

Delbelleber Thu 23-Jul-20 22:51:08

She still fancies you but knows things don't work as a couple. She would probably be pretty gutted if you moved on and she's not ready for you to move on so she wants to keep you interested , even though she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:54:17

I mentioned the other day about wanting a baby next year. She sort of laughed and said why don't you ask another ex of mine. Then she said, it will never be a beautiful as our kids.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 22:55:26

I had my hair cut the other day and she really liked it. Running her hands through my hair. It's shit like that, it makes me wonder.

misskick Thu 23-Jul-20 23:06:47

Sorry op but i agree it sounds like she just wants to see if she can still have you. Is it healthy for your kids seeing her act like this flirting etc when you are split up as surely it's mixed signals for them. You need clear boundaries.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 23:12:02

3 children under 10. They keep asking me to stay the night but I have to come up with excuses. I guess it's my fault for taking the bait the other day.

Timeforadvice2019 Thu 23-Jul-20 23:41:12

Should I had texted her more? Maybe today?

HomesUnderTheSpanner Fri 24-Jul-20 00:20:09

No, don't do that! She's made her feelings clear. Try and take on board what we are saying here. I know you want to believe that she wants you back but she has done nothing to indicate that and she has actually told you she regrets what happened.

Timeforadvice2019 Fri 24-Jul-20 00:29:58

How do you think next I'm around will be like?

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