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I have social problems. Where can I go for help?(12 Posts)
I'm very bad at interacting with people and making friends. I just cant do it properly. It's really holding me back in life. I am unable to get a girlfriend because I just don't have the social skills and my personality is incredibly boring.
I get very angry and frustrated with how much of a failure I am. And jealous of everyone else's success. Sometimes I throw things across my bedroom and smash them because I am so frustrated.
I need to sort my life out desperately. I really need to talk to someone. But who?
Is it social anxiety?
Call your local IAPT and self refer for cbt if so. And in the meantime start working through this workbook and reading the info sheets.
As for the anger you need to google your area with ‘help with anger’.
Well done for reaching out to people. My initial thoughts are could you be autistic? Social interactions are often difficult for people who are- if may be worth approaching your GP? There is also medication you can take for social anxiety (low dose beta blockers) that can work really well
No body is boring, so don’t label yourself as so or compare yourself to others, everyone is interesting for their quirks!
Who are you trying to make friends with? Socially confident people who are great at making friends? The kind of people who you are jealous of? Or are you trying to make friends with people who have the same interests as you - which is always a better bet. One person's boring is another person's fascinating? My dh is fascinated by WW2 pill boxes and makes friends with other people who think the same. Bores the crap out of me, but I can appreciate his passion.
What age are you? There will be different suggestions needed for different ages. You saying you trash your bedroom rather than your flat suggests young.
I think a lot of people feel like that even though it might not seem like it.
I found joining some clubs helped - if you can find a sport or something it gives you something to talk about so less pressure on trying to make conversation
Are you still living at home with your parents op?
I had no friends until I become an adult and stopped trying to hammer my square peg of a self into the round hole that is socially confident people's world. I went and found some other square pegs and realised I actually liked them better anyway. I'd was jealous of the popular people, but never really actually liked them.
Have you considered counselling?
Are you neurotypical? Could you be suffering depression?
Smashing stuff really isn't a good way of expressing yourself.
I think your first step might be to speak to your GP about how you're feeling.
@Bluntness100 Yes I'm still living with my parents.
Have you ever considered you may be autistic? I'm exactly like you & have been diagnosed at 54 with autism. The not fitting in & the anger issues are very familiar.
Op do you have a job? Hobbies? Any interests?
I have mild social anxiety. Until I was able to see an NHS counsellor, I spoke to The Samaritans who just listened. Sometimes it's healing just to get your feelings out. I found the Samaritans did this brilliantly.*116 123 24 hours a day* But a counsellor will help you with strategies to improve your social interactions. I also found the Elefriends forum from Mind helpful too. Elefriends.org.uk
I am in London and waited 8 months to see a counsellor. Different areas have different waiting lists. In your area it might be shorter.
I had depression two years ago. I am still anxious and find it hard to ask people for help, for example, to make eye contact, and I don't like going out with anyone but my husband and daughter. I know what it's like to have low self esteem and self worth. It's horrible.
Your focus needs to be smaller, however. The goal is to have a girlfriend and more success. You need to take baby steps towards this. For example, you need to go out and do something that puts you in contact with other people. Before the lockdown, I accepted an invitation to the pub with a colleague instead of turning it down. It was awful, but I did it. Build links with people at work and in your community. Even if it's only saying hello to the postman.
You also need to find your "tribe". What are your interests? For example, can you play tennis? Do you like books? Is Animal Crossing your vibe? Do you appreciate wine? Look online for quieter events like a book signing for example, and try and interact with one person. It might work out, it might not, but it's a step. If you feel rejected, it's totally a normal feeling. It's hard to move on from rejection if you are anxious. But if you can replace the negative feeling with a positive one, it helps. (I don't think I made a good impression, but at least we agreed on [...]). If an interaction goes well, it boosts your confidence a tiny bit. So then try and talk to another person and build it up.
I'm not saying you will get over these feelings completely but there are ways to cope. Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. Your local CMHT might offer CBT as an online course.
I also agree with pp and ask to find out if you are on the autism spectrum. So many people are walking around on earth without realising they are autistic.
Are your parents supportive? Do you gave any siblings who can help you?
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