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Ex husband's new wife wants me to change my surname !

(280 Posts)
Amberskies2020 Thu 23-Jul-20 15:58:27

This really annoys me!!! I was married to my ex for 24 years and his new wife is furious that I've kept my married surname. I kept it so that I had the same name as our children, plus it's what I've been known as for half my life !

Ex and I despise each other and do not talk but this has been put in a lawyers letter.

Did you feel pressured to change your name after divorce ?

OP’s posts: |
AnneLovesGilbert Thu 23-Jul-20 15:59:22

Someone posted nearly this exact thread the other day. If it wasn’t you then you might find it helpful.

SuperficialSuzie Thu 23-Jul-20 16:00:08

Haha she can sod off, it is the name that you are used to going by and makes things simpler for dealing with anything to do with the kids.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 23-Jul-20 16:00:16

Neither of them have any ability to make you change your name. Just ignore the letter and be glad he's ended up with someone so insecure.

CoatTails Thu 23-Jul-20 16:00:34

I didn’t change my name until I remarried again. Like you, I’d been known that name for YEARS. Your ex’s wife is being ridiculous.

Alexandernevermind Thu 23-Jul-20 16:02:30

Oh for goodness sake, she obviously wants to be the one and only Mrs X. The solicitor must have laughed their socks off when they had to write to you asking you to change your name.
Keep the name if it's for the sake of your children, it's their name now, but just his.

Amberskies2020 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:06:49

I didn't see the post from a few days ago ! I'll have a search now!

Glad you all thing she's being ridiculous !!! ;)

OP’s posts: |
Icedlatte Thu 23-Jul-20 16:09:15

I would reply saying

"In response to your request, no.
However thankyou for the entertainment, and for providing work and fees for your solicitor during this difficult time. I'm glad it cost you money to send that hilarious letter, and more money for your solicitor to receive this one.
Best of luck for your marriage, I hope you enjoy being Mrs (name) the 2nd"

Amberskies2020 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:11:38

haha !! Icedlatte that made me chuckle!

Weirder still, the ex had a brief affair at the beginning of their marriage and now he and the wife have had a baby girl.... who has been given same name as the affair partner?!?! Is that just odd in the extreme??!!

OP’s posts: |
TerribleCustomerCervix Thu 23-Jul-20 16:11:48

I’d take great joy in the fact that I could continue to annoy them and it would literally no effort on my part. But I am very petty.

Their solicitors must have been cringing writing that letter.

waterSpider Thu 23-Jul-20 16:12:11

For our amusement/interest ... how long was the solicitors letter and what did it say?

netflixismysidehustle Thu 23-Jul-20 16:12:41

Even if he was Prince Charles and demanded that you go from Diana Wales to Diana Spencer, I wouldn't do it.

FlowerAndBloom Thu 23-Jul-20 16:13:16

I would love to see the letter! All details redacted of course

vodkaredbullgirl Thu 23-Jul-20 16:17:25

Ive still got my married name, been divorced a long time. Ex asked me to change mine back at the beginning. Here we are 13 yrs down the line i still have his surname, only because of the kids.

Amberskies2020 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:17:55

Letter was about some financial stuff and he used my maiden name 3 different times, only to be told each time to use my proper "married" name.
He sent me an email last year (when we corresponded) to say that the wife was having a fit about my name. She then wrote to me via his phone and said "you need to accept that you are divorced! I am the new Mrs X now !".

It's amusing and a bit teenagery in my opinion! New wife is not from this country and is 20 years younger than us.

OP’s posts: |
vodkaredbullgirl Thu 23-Jul-20 16:21:01

I surname is not owned, she is been stupid and childish.

Oldbutstillgotit Thu 23-Jul-20 16:21:29

I had exactly the same from my ex . Solicitor’s letter asking to cease using my married name as I was no longer married to Mr X . Ex’s new wife worked in the same organisation as me ( different areas of work) and she said it would be confusing.
I retained my married name until I remarried . By this time ex and “ real” Mrs X had divorced !

EthelMayFergus Thu 23-Jul-20 16:21:51

I find it really odd that they named their daughter after his affair partner, yet she's too insecure to share a surname with you. Nowt as queer as folk grin.

QwertyZXY Thu 23-Jul-20 16:24:25

Disfordarkchocolate

Neither of them have any ability to make you change your name. Just ignore the letter and be glad he's ended up with someone so insecure.

The last sentence is Spot on!
Made me chuckle

Reader1984 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:26:56

You can use any name you please. Lawyers have no control or say on that. Neither do new wives.

QwertyZXY Thu 23-Jul-20 16:28:08

Alternatively they could both change there names by Deed pol to your maiden name....perhaps suggest that

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Thu 23-Jul-20 16:31:22

Oldbutstillgotit

I had exactly the same from my ex . Solicitor’s letter asking to cease using my married name as I was no longer married to Mr X . Ex’s new wife worked in the same organisation as me ( different areas of work) and she said it would be confusing.
I retained my married name until I remarried . By this time ex and “ real” Mrs X had divorced !

Just out of idle interest, did the more recent Mrs X change her name on divorcing Mr X?

Your ex and his wife are obviously being unreasonable OP. I would be as uninterested as I could possibly be in their opinion, return correspondence that is in the wrong name and for correspondence that is directly about changing your name do a 'nothing' reply ie "your message has been received and the contents noted".

ktp100 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:31:43

I'd get a solicitor to send a letter stating that you do not have to legally change your name, that you do not wish to as it would mean you having a different name to your children and that any opinions/wishes of your ex husband's new wife are not your concern.

She's off her head!!

DianaT1969 Thu 23-Jul-20 16:33:04

You should add a tagline to your signature. Mrs [name] 'The original and still the best' 🤣

mumwon Thu 23-Jul-20 16:33:29

old fashioned rules on letter writing op! smile
Married women should be addressed by husbands initial & his sire name
ie Mrs John Smith
when widowed or divorced she should be known as
Mrs Amberskies Smith (or Mrs A Smith)
unless she wants to change rules/name herself
Mrs second version is insecure - she may be replaced by Mrs third version ...

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