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Is there such a thing as too good to be true in OLD

(24 Posts)
Hueandcry Thu 23-Jul-20 14:28:31

I've dabbled in OLD for a few years & have had some awful experiences. My friends say I should write a book it's been so bad! So now I have finally met someone who ticks all my boxes & I'm wondering 'what's the catch'. I'm not getting carried away just yet but he really does seem too good to be true. Is it possible that it's my turn to meet somebody genuinely kind & lovely & how do I stop second-guessing myself & just enjoy it for what it is?

OP’s posts: |
rumblingtumtum Thu 23-Jul-20 14:32:46

I was a sceptic. Then I met a bloke I just clicked with. No catch, he's great! 13 years later still together and very happily married! There are some good ones out there! Follow your gut x

summersolstice43 Thu 23-Jul-20 14:55:26

Its nice to hear some good stories from OLD. I've been on and off there for a few years now, have met someone I've been chatting with for 8 months now and we're slowly moving onto the dating stage so fingers crossed. I've had some horrors though and I also think this may be too good to be true but I'm just taking it slowly and seeing what happens.

Bunnymumy Thu 23-Jul-20 14:59:48

I think as long as you are aware of how to spot a narcissist and trust your judgement in general then wire in and hope for the best.

Nice, attentive and something good forming organically over time is good. Love bombing, mirroring and feeling like they place you or themselves on a pedestal, not so much.

OhioOhioOhio Thu 23-Jul-20 15:03:11

My xh who I met on old is a narc. How do you, unscathed, singltons sift through the narcs? I'm now so cynical about everything.

Fishfingersandwichplease Thu 23-Jul-20 15:04:04

My friend met her partner OLD and they couldn't be more perfect for each other

TigerDater Thu 23-Jul-20 15:20:34

Once you’re actually dating (meeting regularly, having sex) you can forget you met by OLD. Concentrate on finding out about each other and how/whether you ‘fit’ properly ie both parties’ needs are met. Until you’re actually dating, take huge pinches of salt 😂

Bunnymumy Thu 23-Jul-20 15:46:20

@OhioOhioOhio

Reading, reading and more reading. And learning to trust your gut.

Better cynical than taken in by one of that lot.

The last date I went on I could tell he was a narcissist within maybe... half an hour. It's so deflating!

But the thing is, he wasnt so obvious that I would have been put off if I didn't really know my stuff. So at least i can feel happy in myself that i can spot them now. For the most part.

Maybe it's best to go into dating with the assumption that they are, and let them prove otherwise. A depressing thought though.

I think you come out of relationships with one thinking you are paranoid. But the truth is, there a lot of them and similar about and now you're starting to spot them. But reading really helps refine things.

Thingsdogetbetter Thu 23-Jul-20 16:09:38

I'm not sure 'ticks all my boxes' equates to 'too good to be true'. Ticks all my boxes AND looks like Brad Pitt, is a multimillionaire with a PhD and glowing references from all exgf and lovers is 'too good to be true' and a tad suspicious. grin.

ravenmum Thu 23-Jul-20 17:00:20

Unless you are saying that you yourself, as someone people come across when online dating, have massive hidden flaws that they will eventually come across, then no, obviously not everyone on OLD has massive hidden flaws.

AmeliaTaylor Thu 23-Jul-20 17:05:00

Definitely possible to meet someone amazing on OLD! They’re just a selection of people like anywhere else.

Snagged DH from tinder: a mid twenties, smoking hot, tall dark and handsome doctor. Perfect gentleman, demon in the sack and wanting marriage and kids.

They’re out there!

LilMissRe Thu 23-Jul-20 17:09:32

I am surprised there are so many Tinderella stories. My Tinder must be broken.

LilMissRe Thu 23-Jul-20 17:11:33

@AmeliaTaylor
Please tell me you were on the app for ages and nearly lost hope before he popped up? and not that you just happened to download the app and he was the first match?
OLD is so deflating for the many that have to sift through

Hueandcry Thu 23-Jul-20 17:14:11

I've been on & off various OLD apps for about 3 years. Only once made it beyond a 1st date! Loads of horror stories which I can't share but yes, I had almost given up hope.

OP’s posts: |
AmeliaTaylor Thu 23-Jul-20 17:22:03

@LilMissRe

I’d been single for three weeks when I swiped on him. Only really downloaded it to go on casual dates for fun as I’d moved to a new city after a break up.

I’d been on a few other first dates in the week or so before I met up with him and continued to go on a couple dates after our first as we obviously weren’t exclusive.

But yeah... broke up with my last relationship at the end of one month and first date with DH was the middle of the next.

I met the ex on tinder too. I’ve found it to be great for meeting really good quality guys. Mostly professionals I found, medics, law professionals, IT professionals. Busy guys who were open to something but not fixated on needing a relationship. Made some great friends from tinder whenever I used it and met some cool people for nice evenings where there wasn’t a spark.

Always surprised people struggle with tinder! Best dating app imo.

LilMissRe Thu 23-Jul-20 17:30:07

@AmeliaTaylor
I love that it worked for you. I'm on bumble and Hinge and have been for 3 years and I haven't found the right person yet.

I deleted Tinder as I just got fed up with the crappy behaviour on there.

LilMissRe Thu 23-Jul-20 17:36:23

I just can't understand why these types of men would not also be on Bumble or Hinge?
I've seen so many recycled profiles and men who are on more than one app anyway. So I'm struggling to see why Tinder stands out

mongwyn Thu 23-Jul-20 17:53:51

I'm marrying the first person I met on tinder in twelve days .
It's luck x

Snowfallst Thu 23-Jul-20 17:55:56

I dabbled for a few years and had some horror stories ...i have some excellent anecdotes.
I gave up. Decided to sack off OLD but had one date lined up before deleting account. Didn't want to go on the date but it was on my way home from work.
Met my date and 2 years later we're married and so so so happy!
He's an incredible man and I'm so very lucky.
I would say prior to the date I decided to be more brutal with what I wanted and looked for In a partner.
He wasn't actually my type (good thing!) But he had the qualities conducive with a solid relationship and it just so happened we clicked and he's very handsome 😍, kind, intelligent, loyal and respectful (we got married last week so sorry for the sickly semantics)

My advice is decide on what you would like from a long term, healthy happy relationship. Will the potential date potentially tick these boxes?
If he's 38 and living in a house share of 5 with a nomadic existence then what's the point in pursuing it?
If he has a dog or kids you'd like to think he's a little more grown up.

Big tip...if their initial chat is a little dull he's a keeper because he's not trying to impress,love bomb. or put on a front.
Stick with the mediocre chat until you meet and build up a bond. It's all too easy to fake it OLD. The true, genuine men won't be necessary fascinating and all bells and whistles until you get to know them.

Needtogetbackinthesack Thu 23-Jul-20 18:29:32

Ah I love the phrase tinderella ❤️

I left my husband a year ago, signed up to tinder at the beginning of this year. Chatted to a few people by messenger but no spark. Matched with someone at the beginning of lockdown, met him as soon as we could go for socially distanced walks and there was an immediate spark. 3 months later we are as happy as it's possible to be after 3 months. We just booked our first mini break for a few weeks time and have a night away for my birthday planned later in the year.

Agree with pp that the boring chat is sometimes encouraging, but boring with a spark. I had a few really dull and painful message exchanges and it was hard to know what to say next. Yawn. This one made a funny comment on my profile pictures, he has a kid the same age as mine so we chatted about family stuff, he has decent hobbies and lots of seemingly fairly sensible friends, a very normal job. We chat for hours, have some shared interests and some completely different ones, sex is amazing. He's kind and considerate and hard working and a good dad.

He may not turn out to be The One but he's a really decent guy and we get on well for now. He's my only ever OLD so tinder can definitely work!

IndieTara Thu 23-Jul-20 18:39:55

I met somebody via OLD, after 2 years he asked me to marry him, 3 months later I ended things.
It took 2 years for his mask to slip and show his true colours.
I'll never get that time back.

halfthesun Thu 23-Jul-20 18:48:04

Hello, I have been on OLD since March last year and have chatted / dated lots! Met a guy at start of May and can't believe how wonderful he is ... super glad I didn't give up, thought I would have to compromise or stay single. Early days I know but I have a good feeling smile

Pesimistic Thu 23-Jul-20 21:16:04

The only thing that can ruin it is if you over invest and hes actualy not all hes cracked up to be,dont put him on a pedestal, you dont know him realy yet, go on some dates and see how it goes.

singswithitsfingers Fri 24-Jul-20 18:07:06

It can take time. I was doing OLD for quite a few years in and off. No horror stories- to be honest I found it like normal life ie met nice blokes but didn't necessarily fancy them/want to go out with them. Then 13 years ago I met DH online and knew instantly. They are out there...

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