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Was this me?

(59 Posts)
LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 08:57:42

DD and I had been in the bathroom brushing her hair, she is 12. We come out and she goes into her room and I sit on my bed.

DP comes in and says is everyone finished in the bathroom, I'm going to have a shower.

Now there is me, DD12, DS15 and DS8 in the house. So I havent a clue if anyone else wants to use the bathroom so I mimes mind reading and said well I dont know, just give them a shout.

So he starts shouting at me that I am being snotty and I knew he meant are DD and I finished.

I am a bit like WTF? I wasn't being snotty, flippant maybe but honestly how do I know wether teenagers are wanting to use the bathroom, its a small house, from where he was stood he could have shoutef, does anyone need the bathroom and they would have answered.

So he storms off downstairs and sits there for half an hour waiting for me to apologise, I was sat upstairs thinking, hmm that was odd, I am sure he will come and apologise when he calms down.

Well I didn't grovel in my alloted half an hour so he went home. Then spent hours texting me how I was snotty and he is not being spoken to like shit and I should accept responsibility. I apologised that I came across snottily, reassured him that it wasn't my intentions at all and said that I was confused how it had kicked off. I apologised several times but he wouldn't let it drop.

Then he accuses me of having other men round because I thought we had watched a film together, the film was released in 2009 so actually I must have watched it with my ex, but because I thought it was him I must have watched it recently and therefore am having other men round to watch films.

Anyway in the end I said I am tired of arguing and I am going to sleep.

This morning he sends me a message saying can we just start again, I am tired of arguing.

I said no I don't think we should just pretend nothing happened, because the same thing happened last week and I bit my tongue and swept it under the carpet and it's not a healthy way to have a relationship.

So apparently I have ended the relationship. Thats it its over, because my options are pretwnd it never happened or split up.

OP’s posts: |
Polyxena Thu 23-Jul-20 09:02:53

Your reply was pretty smart arse, imho. You could have just said you had finished but wasn’t sure if everyone had.

Justkeeprollingalong Thu 23-Jul-20 09:08:14

He sounds tiresome. You probably were snotty but my husband does this to me 'does anyone want a cup of tea?' and my favourite, 'who's that at the door?'. It's bloody annoying. I do the mind reading thing and he gets grumpy but he doesn't storm off and threaten divorce!
Certainly don't apologise.

MashedPotatoBrainz Thu 23-Jul-20 09:09:59

Your initial reply did sound a bit snotty.

Your reply to his morning text sounds exactly like you're ending the relationship.

Greenkit Thu 23-Jul-20 09:11:37

He could have asked if everyone had finished himself...I think he was looking for a reason to have a go because he thinks you have had men round.

He is a dick, get rid

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 09:12:58

I apologised for the comment 5 times. I honestly didn't mean it in a snotty way, but I accepted it could have come across that way and apologised. 5 times. I guess sarcasm never comes across well and I should bear that in mind.

I don't think it warranted him shouting at me and storming off home, even if it had been intentional said to annoy him which it wasn't.

OP’s posts: |
BlahBlipBloopBlop Thu 23-Jul-20 09:13:08

Reading that he went home..... im assuming the children arnt his with him going home. So hes shouted at you in your own home infront of your children?

He's an abuser OP and this is just the beginning of it. Do finish the relationship or he will slowly wear you down over time and you'll be a shell of your former self

I said no I don't think we should just pretend nothing happened, because the same thing happened last week and I bit my tongue and swept it under the carpet and it's not a healthy way to have a relationship

I know people say it all the time but LTB

This won't end well

Interestedwoman Thu 23-Jul-20 09:16:01

His assumption that you must've seen a film with another man was another red flag on top of the stropping off, not good at all.

I know it's not what you meant, but I would keep it as you've ended it.

Arrivederla Thu 23-Jul-20 09:16:12

He is accusing you of having men round because of the film thing?

Get rid. It doesn't matter if you sounded snotty or not, his behaviour is totally unreasonable.

GreenGordon Thu 23-Jul-20 09:17:04

Yep sounds snotty to me, and your text sounds like you ending the relationship. But you both sound like hard work to me.

witchofthenorth Thu 23-Jul-20 09:17:08

I think you are well rid to be honest. Your reply may have been sarcastic and that may have rankled him but storming off home? And still nipping at it after you had apologised?

I had an ex like this, it only gets worse. Keep him gone

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 09:18:19

The children aren't his no. They were in their rooms but as I said its a small house so yes they would have heard him shouting at me.

OP’s posts: |
4amWitchingHour Thu 23-Jul-20 09:21:03

He sounds like a pain in the arse - if he can't deal with a straight answer to a stupid question, accuses you of cheating on the basis of nothing, and leaps to ending the relationship rather than having a discussion then let it be over. You won't get anywhere with him.

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 09:21:51

this mornings text was about the accusations, I wanted to get to the nottom of wether he actually believes it or wether he was just trying to get a rise.

After I pointed put that the film is old and I could have watched it with anyone he said but you were convinced it was me so it was obviously recently, you need to get your story straight.

Then refused to acknowledge it again.

So I dont know if he believes me or not or was just trying to score points during a row.

OP’s posts: |
Quartz2208 Thu 23-Jul-20 09:28:55

This all sounds tiring OP and not how a healthy relationship should work.

I do think it sounds as if it should be over - once you have reached the points scoring part

Sharpandshineyteeth Thu 23-Jul-20 09:29:25

It sounds massively tiring. As a couple you may be short with each other or get annoyed but this has been blown so out of proportion. Storming off and then texting you all night, then starting on new accusations. This sounds like a man who cannot manage his emotions. I doubt he’ll change. Stick with the break up and count yourself lucky.

Shoxfordian Thu 23-Jul-20 09:29:34

He sounds like a knob
Stop texting him

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 09:34:15

He was so adamant that its all on me that I was doubting myself.

Totally accept that I was sarcastic, for which I apologised. I wasn't meaning to be offensive, I was in a really good mood up to that point. If anything I thought i was being humorous. Obviously I misjudged it. How many apologies should I make for that before he moves on.

OP’s posts: |
UnfinishedSymphon Thu 23-Jul-20 09:41:24

I don't think you were being snotty, I would have responded exactly as you did and my DP would have laughed and got on with it.

The text you sent didn't say you were ending the relationship, you pulled him up on something and he didn't like it - sounds like he's looking for an excuse to end the relationship by turning it on you.

How long have you been together?

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 09:45:11

I agree, it does sound like he wants to end things but doesn't want to say so.

We have been together 2 years but were friends for 3 before we became a couple, he lived a long way away though so I guess I didnt see his true colours until he moved back home and we became an item.

OP’s posts: |
ChristmasFluff Thu 23-Jul-20 10:01:29

Yes, you sounded snotty, yes it sounded like you were ending it, but one of you needs to end it, it isn't healthy at all. He isn't blameless because his responses are dysfunctional, but it feels like a relationship where you are both more concerned with being right than with being happy or making eachother happy. Neither of you are going to change, so it's better you each find someone who suits you better.

Onemansoapopera Thu 23-Jul-20 10:07:27

You were tired of arguing, but he wanted to carry on...he was tired of arguing ... but you wanted to carry on... 2 years spent is enough I think. I've been here and if you can't resolve things without neverending circular arguements you really have no connection . It's shit but it's true

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 10:12:50

I think you are pretty much all right. Doesnt matter who was wrong or who ended it, it isn't working out so it doesn't matter who is to blame.

I feel like I am treading on egg shells and apologising all the time whilst biting my tongue when he annoys me so as not to rock the boat.

This one may have been my fault but when the relationship is at this point its dead.

OP’s posts: |
LemonTT Thu 23-Jul-20 10:15:48

You both sound exhausting. Yes you were rude in what you said what you did. He overreacted. You both could have apologised there and then. Instead you played a game of chicken on who would hold out the longest for an apology. Then more arguing. Then an apology. Now a stroppy attempt at upping the odds by threatening splits.

End it because neither of you are mature enough for an adult relationship.

LockdownLoser Thu 23-Jul-20 10:21:03

I actually apologised straight away when he told me I was being snotty.

He didn't tell me at first what I had done just started shouting at me that he is sick of me and who do I think I am talking to. I obviously knew what he meant.

It was only when he got home and calmed down that he actually told me what had upset him.

I then apologised 5 more times. He hasnt apologised at all and maintains he did nothing wrong.

OP’s posts: |

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