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Do all people cheat... Sooner or later?

(70 Posts)
Wilkiemini Wed 22-Jul-20 16:47:25

I’ve been single for a year now after a disastrous long distance relationship (he just wanted sex and said I would never be a priority for him) after 6 months I realised he wasn’t a keeper and I deserved better so I dumped him smile

A year previous to that I had a very long relationship of 18 years so I have never been on the singles scene much.

I’m in my forties now but look ten years younger (lucky me) but this just means young men in their twenties and old men over 50s (by old I mean it’s like most men this age are already slowing down and they are so boring!) so I just can’t seem to meet anyone suitable I have tried all the online dating sites and tbh the men on them are a massive disappointment plenty of quantity but little quality!

So...I decided on a whim to stop looking for a relationship and find a friend (with benefits) instead, i states clearly what I was looking for and why and what sort of man I was looking for etc (I need some intimacy but don’t want ONSs)...so now they are all filling my inbox faster than I can reply and a lot of them (most of them) are married and do not hide the fact they are....I’m actually quite surprised how many married men I recognise on Tinder and their wives / GFs have no clue the men are shagging around!

Seriously so many men are taken and yet clearly still looking for it elsewhere...it got me thinking are we all cheaters really sooner or later?

How many of you are reading this now thinking that doesn’t apply to me but you don’t know yours is playing away from home!

Do you ever check up on him?
Check his phone? Receipts / pockets?
Honestly I think some of you are in denial if your man is t getting much from you he’s probably getting it elsewhere!

OP’s posts: |
Sugartitties Wed 22-Jul-20 17:00:05

never check up on my boyfriend, never check his phone, pockets or anything!!

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 22-Jul-20 17:02:24

Aren’t you a charmer hmm

PlanDeRaccordement Wed 22-Jul-20 17:03:27

No, not everyone cheats.
No, I do not check up on him, I don’t need to.

scotsllb Wed 22-Jul-20 17:08:59

Haha I think this is a troll or a stealth boast. Looking 10 years younger makes no difference, 30 and 40 don't look much different these days.
If you are putting out you want FWB of course your going to get married men messaging.
Nothing to do with whether their giant at home so stop blaming the women.
These type will cheat with anything regardless.
Plenty men have morals and wouldn't dream of being online looking for hook ups etc and are happily settled down. I believe the situation you've encountered is the exception not the norm.

Devlesko Wed 22-Jul-20 17:09:41

No, don't need to. Have been married 30 years and this one isn't a cheater, many other flaws but that's not one of them.
Best you stay single with fwb because you have issues around trust.
A lot of men cheat, but so do women, most people work through issues in their marriage without shagging someone else.
Sometimes they aren't cheating because their wife gives them permission. Some even pick out the women for them, you are very naive.

Rhine Wed 22-Jul-20 17:15:17

People who say they ‘look ten years younger’ never actually do in my experience.

PinkyBrain Wed 22-Jul-20 17:19:58

It’s the FWB that’s doing it. Several friends confirm it’s literally an online mating call to pond life. I doubt any of them have read any further past your profile than that point. Always say you’re looking for more than sex even if you’re not or everyone and his dog will try and have a go, it’s not even funny grin

Middersweekly Wed 22-Jul-20 17:27:36

Prior to religion and the nuclear family set up what did people do? Monogamy is something we’ve been conditioned to believe is right and moral because it gives our children a better chance to succeed in life and men also wanted to be sure their offspring were actually theirs! We as humans/ mammals are not actually pre-programmed to be monogamous so it doesn’t surprise me. I don’t think all people cheat but yes many do!

Gwenhwyfar Wed 22-Jul-20 17:28:02

"Always say you’re looking for more than sex even if you’re not or everyone and his dog will try and have a go, it’s not even funny grin"

Reminds me of a Friends episode
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2grSpteHTT4

MikeUniformMike Wed 22-Jul-20 18:20:25

Don't worry love, it will soon catch up with you.
Aren't you getting enough attention on OLD without attention-seeking here?

Hoggleludo Wed 22-Jul-20 18:46:27

I've been married 10 years

I've never even looked at my husbands phone

I don't even know the code. Gasp. Nor have I ever asked.

Fairenuff Wed 22-Jul-20 19:07:17

Oh bless your heart. No, not everyone cheats. There is so, so much more to life and living and loving.

SueEllenMishke Wed 22-Jul-20 19:11:40

No.
I've never checked up on him - never felt the need to.

It's a pretty depressing way to live thinking everyone cheats eventually .

TomPinch Wed 22-Jul-20 19:16:59

Middersweekly

Prior to religion and the nuclear family set up what did people do? Monogamy is something we’ve been conditioned to believe is right and moral because it gives our children a better chance to succeed in life and men also wanted to be sure their offspring were actually theirs! We as humans/ mammals are not actually pre-programmed to be monogamous so it doesn’t surprise me. I don’t think all people cheat but yes many do!

The old fallacy that humans were more authentic (ie, doing everyone in the cave) before they invented religion.

verypeckish Wed 22-Jul-20 19:23:31

I think it's highly likely that most people don't cheat, however by putting yourself out there as a - let's be honest - easy lay, all the ones that do have homed in you at once like bees round a honeypot. Plus all the ones who enjoy fantasising about it but wouldn't dare IRL.

Anonanonon Wed 22-Jul-20 19:31:43

@Middersweekly Humans aren't pre-programmed to be polygamous either. If we were, we wouldn't get jealous. Unfortunately for ost mammals, nature currently favours a system whereby "do what I say, not do what I do" has risen to the top of the genetic heap. Is it hypocritical? Yes. But nature doesn't really care about such things. Nature isn't here to give us a "right" solution. What's "right" is what survives and if that's hypocritical situation, so be it.

Biology is always going to nudge me to get it on with someone new, but its likewise its always going to nudge me to get upset if the person I'm with does the same. So it seems to me, as a mammal with self-awareness, that I have a choice: one or the other of these urges I'm going to have to suppress if I want a relationship of any length.

Stay monogamous and suppress your urge to cheat.
Or be polygamous and suppress your urge to be jealous.

Religion/culture just codified the former, maybe for the reasons you stated and probably because - the same way shitting in a toilet or punching a person we disagree with are things we've been conditioned to believe are right and moral - it helped make life a whole lot less messy all round.

Morgan12 Wed 22-Jul-20 19:34:35

I think most men would cheat if they had the opportunity and zero chance of being caught.

Anonanonon Wed 22-Jul-20 19:39:28

Sorry - should say: the same way not shitting in a toilet or punching a person we disagree with are things we've been conditioned to believe are right and moral

Kaiserin Wed 22-Jul-20 19:42:25

DH and I are rather open-minded about that sort of thing (it's not "cheating" if all the adults involved consent, innit?), and yet we both agree that between our respective jobs and looking after the kids, we wouldn't really have the time or energy for any extra relationships (when we're older, maybe... If we can be bothered)
So, no, I don't think I agree with you, OP.

Anonanonon Wed 22-Jul-20 19:48:27

@Morgan12
I think most men would cheat if they had the opportunity and zero chance of being caught.

Sadly, according to recent research, women appear to be evening the score. From the research listed here: hernorm.com/infidelity-statistics/

"The Institute for Family Studies confirms the NORC research and discloses that among millennials, women are more likely to cheat on their spouse while married. According to the report, 11% of the married women aged 18 to 29 are guilty of infidelity, while only 10% of their male counterparts have been cheating while married."

So, surprisingly, millennial women appear to be more likely to cheat than millenial men - only by 1% though, so I guess its much of a muchness.

ShineyMcShine Wed 22-Jul-20 19:54:24

Back in your cave neanderthal

CallmeAngelina Wed 22-Jul-20 19:58:40

I think you'll be judged by the company you keep.

I can categorically confirm that I have never, nor would ever, cheat.
I am 99.99999% certain that my dh has never cheated either.
All of our couple friends have been married in excess of 25 years and I am pretty certain they don't cheat either. The two couples I know of where there was infidelity have split up, but I predicted it to dh way ahead of time the guys were sleazy as hell.

Contrary to your opinion, there are some decent people around.

Lochie662 Wed 22-Jul-20 20:05:25

I'm confused, you put a call out out for a friend with benefits, some married men respond.... And this leads you to ask if everyone cheats eventually?

That's like going to b&q and asking if all shops sell paint?

Mooballs Wed 22-Jul-20 20:05:40

You're clearly meeting the wrong people and your comments are just weird. People over 50 'slowing down'!. Lol. You sound very conceited too. Might be the reason you attract 'those types'.

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