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Anxiety and doubting myself(3 Posts)
Some advice would be great!
I've been dating 7 weeks, all was going well, almost dream like, falling in love (I've not said it yet, he has). We have spent quality time together, walking, cycling, cooking. Mid 40s known of him for years.
The issue is, I am doubting myself. Im scared and anxious to the point I am clamming up and struggle with conversation. I guess this won't be very attractive to him. I've previously been in am abusive relationship and also been let down in other relationships. I've lived with my son for 12 years more or less single. How do I even go about this? I worry im.going to push him away and it will be yet another failed attempt
I would try and focus on somethings outside of him. I know that's difficult at first but try and do somethings to take Yr mind off the relationship. I think generally at the beginning you both do lots of talking to reassure each other and to work out what's going on. It's also best to be honest but not too honest. Such as I still feel nervous when I see you. I'm sure others will come along with better advice.
Congrats on being so brave and getting back out onto the dating scene after some hard times. The activities you are doing with your bf sounds like he is interested in you and patient and kind and just likes spending time with you.
If you are quiet sometimes that is ok. You must try not to catastrophise.
I had similar experiences and even with a gentle patient partner it took me a long time to find my voice. At first i would whisper things in the dark, or text something i wanted to say when he left, i was so afraid to be direct. I am now much better. Time and patience and the love of a good man have helped.
Perhaps you could talk more when doing an activity so the focus on isn't on you, or write it down and plan it first, or just be open and say 'when i am quiet it means x, and i'd hate for you to think it means y'. 'Sometimes i struggle to get out what i want to say'. If he loves you he won't think any less of you.
Counselling helped me a lot. To like me a lot more and just be a bit braver at life, thats helped in all my relationships not just the romantic ones.
Try to enjoy this lovely time. Make sure he knows you are enjoying it too. If you cant reach out in words you can do other things to make someone feel special in gestures or actions x go easy on yourself!
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