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Husband moved on after a month

(22 Posts)
JustBeingMoi Wed 22-Jul-20 00:06:48

I ended our marriage just under a month ago, due to emotional and verbal abuse. He has changed his name on Facebook back to he previous name (we double barrelled), and is happily telling anyone who will listen that he's moved on. I even think he's seeing someone.

Yet I'm sat here still reeling from the past few months and years. Hurting and in pain. Sad to loose his family, who after over a decade have become like my own.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I just find it so painful that 14 years can mean nothing to a person. Its like he actually felt nothing for me at all. Am I just being pathetic. How do i move on?

OP’s posts: |
Worzle23 Wed 22-Jul-20 00:08:19

It’s just social media, what he wants to present to the world. He’s saying he’s moved on because he wants to believe it. He’s probably hurting inside too.

Weenurse Wed 22-Jul-20 00:09:58

One day at a time.
Block everyone on social media as that will only compound the pain.
Plan something nice for yourself each day, a walk, a bath, a book.
Remember to eat and drink and exercise.
Good luck 💐

Lochie662 Wed 22-Jul-20 00:13:35

This is just another form of manipulation. He's doing it to hurt you. He's telling everyone he's moved on so it gets back to you. You don't mean nothing to him. He's still aiming his toxicity towards you , and he want to hurt you.

But do yourself the biggest favour you can. Take him at his word. This relationship is toxic, abusive and OVER. Well done for leaving, it must have been really , really hard to do that.

You're not being pathetic, you're reacting like a normal person. You move on by processing everything that happened, ask for help when you need it and making yourself the centre of your world for a while.

EnoughAlready2020 Wed 22-Jul-20 00:19:09

I agree. The best revenge is moving on and being happy with YOUR life. Don't torture yourself. This wasn't the relationship for you. Allow yourself time to grieve and then move on yourself. You can and will do this. We have your back xx

JustBeingMoi Wed 22-Jul-20 00:21:05

@EnoughAlready2020 thank you. The only reason I've got here is due to the amazing people on here.

OP’s posts: |
Techway Wed 22-Jul-20 00:21:24

I think some people use a new relationship to move on quickly as the high numbs the pain.

However sadness/grief must be processed. It is also important to reflect on the relationship and learn from it. This helps you avoid future toxic relationships.

If you were emotionally connected then it is natural to grieve however those who checked out or had low levels of attachment can move on quickly. I would say its healthy and normal to have lots of emotions, think of it like a physical heart ache, take time to heal and be gentle with yourself. It really does get better.

I found that I couldn't really move on until the divorce was finalised.

SandyY2K Wed 22-Jul-20 00:23:41

Its easy for him to move on as he didn't care about you. The abuse says it all.

Block him and change your name if you wish as well.

Sillymee Wed 22-Jul-20 00:46:16

He who laughs last, laughs the longest!

ilikemethewayiam Wed 22-Jul-20 00:47:25

If he has moved on that quickly OP then it proves beyond a doubt that he had no emotional connection with you in the first place. It proves that you made the right decision. Keep that in mind. Sorry, I know that’s really hard to take. I know because I’ve been there. I was with my abusive ex for 26 years and after I left, we never spoke again! The penny really dropped that I never meant anything to him in the first place. I was convenient. I was ‘white goods’. Once the pain and hurt subsided I was relieved to be out of it. I started all over again in my late 40’s and have had the best time! You can do it too OP.

Newbiehere123 Wed 22-Jul-20 00:55:07

Deactivate your accounts and take a break. It's hard to end a marriage but never regret the choice you made. Don't take revenge but just invest in yourself and move on. I know it's a bit weird saying this now due to Covid but try to plan out all the things you wanted to do or see but couldn't because of your ex or simply couldn't because you got married and try to execute them in time.

Take one day at time and it's totally normal to feel like this, it will get easier. I'm sure you're reflecting the relationship but never fall into that trap where you start questioning your choice (regret) or if you start hearing he has moved on or doing better. Just remember you have done way better by cutting out a toxic person from your life and you will be happier and he is now no longer your problem. Be happy for him and good luck to the next victim. Big hugs to you 💐

tara66 Wed 22-Jul-20 06:19:05

Men do move on quickly -it's quite common. They have to.

Namechange21212121 Wed 22-Jul-20 06:57:45

It took my ex husband two weeks to start posting photos of another woman, telling everyone that he was doing fine etc etc...the grovelling, snivelling embarrassing emails crying about wanting to come back and how much he loves me began a year later...Fool.

Ignore him, he’s got a point to prove and anyone with half a brain will realise just how pathetic and infantil that is.

JustBeingMoi Wed 22-Jul-20 07:58:12

@tara66 why do they have to?

OP’s posts: |
tara66 Wed 22-Jul-20 08:03:50

JustBeingMoi - it seems to be in their DNA.

Sunshineandflipflops Wed 22-Jul-20 08:22:24

Social media is the worst place to be after a break up.

I removed and blocked my ex h as soon as we separated and if any mutual friends posted anything I didn't want to see, I removed them too. The last thing I wanted to do was see him and his OW 'loving life' and on date nights while I was a wreck following the breakdown of my 14 year marriage.

It's trued though, from what I can gather, his reaction to the marriage/family breakdown came a bit later and his relationship with the OW ended. By then I was doing much better and have now been in another relationship for a year.

Everyone needs time to grieve and his time will come. By then you will have worked through it.

Itstartedinbarcelona Wed 22-Jul-20 08:35:33

From what I’ve seen in real life (and read on mn) men do seem to move on quickly- but it’s just a cowardly way of putting off the hurt and pain and not facing up to their emotions. It will catch up with him in the end. Pp are right block him and focus on looking after yourself. As you’ve taken time to reflect and mourn and process when you are ready to move on you won’t look back.

Redbirds Wed 22-Jul-20 08:58:28

Agree with previous posters it’s his way of coping- immature and rather pathetic and has no reflection on your self worth. Long term you will come out of this far stronger and emotionally healthier than he will. Good luck.

everythingbackbutyou Wed 22-Jul-20 18:25:27

@ilikemethewayiam, so true! I ended my 25 year relationship (20 years married) in November, and by the middle of January he was head first into a new relationship and he, his new girlfriend, her daughter and my eldest daughter were hanging out as a unit on a regular basis. Most of the time he can barely bring himself to be civil with me, but its all good because it makes it very clear that I did the right thing. I just turned 45, will shortly be renting instead of owning my home, and I can't wait for my life to get started! Like you say, I was just a cardboard cutout 'wife' figure, easily replaced. Nothing particularly special about me, despite the initial love bombing.
@JustBeingMoi, you have given yourself the biggest gift of all time by choosing to leave. i know how terrifying it is to stand up and tell an abuser that you are done. Your life is waiting for you. Facebook is definitely not your friend! I remember feeling very jolted by a smug picture posted by my ex with his new girlfriend, her daughter and mine gushing about how nice it was to bring 'the girls' on their date. I think the final straw was when my dear mother 'liked' the picture shock.Since I asked my stbxh to leave, I haven't heard a single word from my inlaws. Because they have always enabled his narcissistic ass, and are utterly sold on his status of permanent saint-victim.

DiscoInFurlough Wed 22-Jul-20 18:42:04

Men are just arseholes.
Can share a similar story of aquaintences that are neighbours...
September time last year i spoke with them about moving house, we were both looking at some new build houses nearby, they seemed excited to be possibly moving.
Then, out of the blue, he dumped her around mid december, she moved out with the 3 year old daughter just before xmas back to her parents.
By mid January the new gf was visiting regularly, awkward dates through lockdown, and has now moved in.
It actually freaks me out how quickly it all happened, and it just seems so odd. But as others say, its a man sticky plaster for emotions.
I can also say women do it too, my sister cannot be alone, and jumps from one to another. But i think its different reasons.

Seriouslynotagain Wed 22-Jul-20 18:52:59

That is so disrespectful and childlike. My partner of 15 years moved out today and I have been in complete pain and I know he will move on quickly - I think he checked out months ago really given his awful behaviour of late. Block all SM - who the fuck wants to put all their crap on there anyway - why the need to shout about it. Fool! Do whatever you need to do to protect your amazing self - take your time and you WILL get there - in a much better place with your integrity intact! I have to say I have taken great comfort today from that brilliant meme posted on this thread. It has made me laugh through the tears.

PinkMonkeyBird Wed 22-Jul-20 19:53:55

I ended my marriage 11 years ago and literally within a month my ex-DH was in a relationship with someone else and had a baby with her within a year. At the time I ended our marriage he was convinced I had met someone (I hadn't) as he couldn't accept that the fact our marriage was dead in the water and needed to end. But although I knew I didn't want the marriage to continue, it still felt hurtful that he moved on so quickly. My ex-husband married his girlfriend a few years later and we managed to be adult about things and get on for the sake of our DC.

Everything will feel raw now, but you will get through this. Even if things were shit towards the end you still have a relationship to mourn and many things to reflect on. I totally agree about not following him on social media etc. Make that break and start rebuilding your life.

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