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Is it ever right to hit a woman

(205 Posts)
Meadow1203 Tue 21-Jul-20 11:02:30

Just this really. My ex partner is adamant that if a woman hits or slaps a man then it is ok for him to retaliate. He is 6 4 and a very strong man, just a slap would be potentially dangerous. He said he has always advised his daughters never to hit a man as they should expect to be hit back. I am not condoning violence btw, just interested in views on this.

OP’s posts: |
Toilenstripes Tue 21-Jul-20 11:03:47

Absolutely not!

SugarbabyMilly Tue 21-Jul-20 11:04:16

No. It’s never ‘right’ to hit anyone.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 21-Jul-20 11:04:38

It’s not okay for anyone to hit. But self defence is different to retaliation.

SugarbabyMilly Tue 21-Jul-20 11:05:01

Ps your ex partner is a twat. Two wrongs don’t make a right either.

pennysea Tue 21-Jul-20 11:05:05

It's never right for anyone to hit anyone.

ChangedMyNameYetAgain Tue 21-Jul-20 11:06:16

Yes, but only in self defence.
My XP hit me because I was 'a psycho'. He was more than twice my size.

PanickingAtDiscos Tue 21-Jul-20 11:06:23

It's generally not ok for anyone to hit anyone. The exception is self defence. It is ok for a man to hit a woman in self defence if he genuinely believes himself to be at risk.

DeltaAlphaDelta Tue 21-Jul-20 11:07:07

I work as a door supervisor and have been hit by both men and women. I will very rarely hit a man back, opting for restraint techniques wherever possible.

I would never hit a woman back, ever. Its horrible enough when I have to use restraint against a woman, but occasionally needs must. Hitting back, nope!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 21-Jul-20 11:07:56

Of course it's never right, but some people's natural reaction to being hit is to hit back. Fight or flight.

Yes, we should all be in control of our emotions and reactions at all times, but people aren't that perfect.

frazzledasarock Tue 21-Jul-20 11:09:02

Nobody should be hitting anyone.

My personal experience is women in DV relationships tend to lash out in self defence in the end, and the big huge men go running to the police claiming DV against themselves.

I remember the utter desperation and terror I felt when ex was beating the crap out of me and under the repeated punches all I could think of was my baby I had to get my baby out of there, she was two and screaming 'daddy daddy stop my mummy is bleeding..' I feel panic rising just thinking about it many years later.

What kind of relationships does your ex have anyway where he feels he needs to tell his daughters not to hit men? I've never hit anyone, man, woman, or child in the course of everyday normal life.

Gwenhwyfar Tue 21-Jul-20 11:09:29

PanickingAtDiscos

It's generally not ok for anyone to hit anyone. The exception is self defence. It is ok for a man to hit a woman in self defence if he genuinely believes himself to be at risk.

Yes, I agree, but usually a man would only be at risk from a woman if she has a weapon or is attacking him with another person.
The only other exception would be to defend someone else from an imminent attack e.g. the woman was about to attack someone and if it wasn't possible to just restrain her, then she could be hit I suppose.

In retaliation, no? Something wrong with his childhood if he was never told that we don't hit those weaker than us. If a child hits an adult, the adult doesn't hit back, the bigger child doesn't hit the smaller child, etc.

Divebar Tue 21-Jul-20 11:09:49

It’s not ok to hit people irrespective of sex or age. It may be that a woman hitting a man ( other than say in self defence) doesn’t particularly hurt him or cause him fear but it doesn’t mean it’s ok or legal. It does also introduce the potential for being hit back although if a guy is 6’4” I’d love to know the rationale for hitting someone much smaller than him - other than being pissed off. ( Hitting someone because you’re fearing for your safety or in self defence is an altogether different matter )

notthemum Tue 21-Jul-20 11:10:15

NO !

onalongsabbatical Tue 21-Jul-20 11:10:37

frazzled flowers

Smallsteps88 Tue 21-Jul-20 11:11:36

I suggest you stop discussing this with your ex and giving him a platform to justify what he clearly plans to do to either you or another woman in his life. I see no reason for you to be discussing this with your EX.

Divebar Tue 21-Jul-20 11:13:23

My personal experience is women in DV relationships tend to lash out in self defence in the end, and the big huge men go running to the police claiming DV against themselves

This is absolutely the case. A woman could have been subjected to violence a hundred times without reporting and the one time she injures him he will report it. It’s a power play and exceptionally frustrating to deal with from a professional point of view.

HardToDanceWithTheDevilOnYourB Tue 21-Jul-20 11:17:23

Its an extremely complex situation with multiple factors. not all men and bigger or stronger than women.

Its never ok to hit regardless of gender, unless your life is being threatened in some way...

If a women was to hit a man then she would be entirely in the wrong, does that give him the "right" to hit back... depends... If the only way he can "escape" is to hit back in order to then flee, self defence is self defence.

If a women hits just once and backs off and the man can leave without the need to hit... then obviously that's "morally" best. The old saying and eye for an eye makes the whole world blind springs to mind.

I would say a women would never be judged for hitting back in self defence, so a man shouldn't be either.

Reality is in this situation instinct would take over... "fight/flight/freeze" anyone being attacked will have instinct take over, anyone women who went to "fight" wouldn't be judged as doing anything "wrong" so its not really fair to say a man is wrong either.

He should be advising his daughter never to hit, unless in self defence, but not "because you'll get hit back" simply because... assault is illegal and decent humans don't do that!

PumpkinP Tue 21-Jul-20 11:17:37

If a woman posts on here saying she’s hit her partner people fall over themselves to justify it. I think it’s ok if a man hits a woman in self defence yes.

RunningFromInsanity Tue 21-Jul-20 11:19:54

If you hit someone you should expect to be hit back, regardless of the sexes involved.

Women slapping men because they know they won’t retaliate is despicable.

Gwenhwyfar Tue 21-Jul-20 11:21:44

"not all men and bigger or stronger than women."

Men are stronger than women, even short, puny type men have more muscle than women. Your example would be very, very rare.

Gatehouse77 Tue 21-Jul-20 11:22:56

Obviously, it’s never right to resort to violence. However, if you hit someone then you should expect to be hit back. If you carry a knife you expect to be stabbed. Etc.

Gwenhwyfar Tue 21-Jul-20 11:24:14

"If you hit someone you should expect to be hit back, regardless of the sexes involved."

No. If hitting is wrong, then hitting in retaliation is also wrong isn't it. Doesn't matter who started it.
Don't use violence (except in self defence or the defence of others).

Tsubasa1 Tue 21-Jul-20 11:28:26

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

Billben Tue 21-Jul-20 11:29:55

* If you hit someone you should expect to be hit back, regardless of the sexes involved.

Women slapping men because they know they won’t retaliate is despicable.*

Agree with this. You don’t want to be hit, then don’t hit in the first place.

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