Finally blocked him

[purplecandle]

Same old story that you read a thousand times here. Comes in and out of my life for the last year and a half. Each time he gets back in contact, i lend up hurt again! I have been trying to tell myself to block him for a year now!! So obviously the "honeymoon" period didn't last long in the first place.

Due to our jobs, we would go several weeks without seeing each other. Sometimes we would talk on the phone, other times we would have no contact at all. The time in between contact has grown longer and longer.

He asked me several times to be "official" but I always said no. Knew in my gut I didn't trust him. It just sucks because I did really fancy him! Think that's the only reason I kept things up for so long. Fancied the pants off him, but knew he was bad news.

Anyways, after he got in contact this time, and we resolved absolutely zero issues, I have FINALLY blocked him.

I'm not really looking for advice I guess. Just wanted to write it down somewhere. And maybe if there's anyone else out there trying to build up the courage to do the same, I hope reading this helps!

I don't know how I became the person who couldn't block someone bad for me. I'm a "normal" person in all other areas of my life. I'm well structured, have a good career that requires me to be strong willed etc.

I'm really embarrassed to be honest that I got myself in this situation in the first place. Probably why I'm writing it here instead of telling anyone in real life.

[Interestedwoman]

Well done OP!

Your embarrassment is unwarranted- it's all a learning curve and you'll know to stop a relationship earlier in future if any signs of dodginess or nastiness turn up.

I was in a noxious 'relationship' for 18 months too, until the end of January.

I'm just proud of myself that I got out of it.

18 months is nothing in the great scheme of things. Many women end up with a wrong'un for decades.

And IDK about you but I learned a lot from the experience.

Feel free to go into more detail of what he was like, if you wish.

[Whenonedoorcloses]

It's so hard when you love someone and you know you have to let them go. I have a similar situation and can relate to how you must be feeling. It will be better in the long run and far less heartache than having him in your life.

[mummyofgirls123]

Well done. Keep to it and you'll be fine..
I always used to go for the 'bad boys' and now I've got rid I'm happy and got a new man who isn't the bad boy type.
Keep strong and you'll meet some man who respects you

[MusicSchool]

Well done! Don't listen to words follow patterns and don't over invest . I used to waste my time but now I it's easier to observe patterns then just block and move on. You cannot get wasted time back

[Justa2015]

Well done OP! Don't be embarrassed, a lot of us on here have been in the same boat. You've done the hardest bit now; you never know, you might inspire someone else out there today :)

[LilMissRe]

I'm struggling to block someone. I hope you don't mind me talking about it here?

We met online a couple of years ago. We didn't have much in common but for the first time in my life I was able to myself around a guy and he was so easy to talk to. He made a lot of effort to meet me and I really appreciated the attention. Then he invited me out for my birthday which was lovely but he expected me to pay- I did but felt really let down by it. I saw lots of red flags but ignored them until I tried to end it. He said he'd like to remain friends and won't put any pressure on me. I said ok.

His communication eased off naturally and that's when my insecurities surfaced- We continued to meet up for drinks, meals, films etc and one day a friend saw his updated profile on one of the apps. I asked him about it and he said it was an old photo ( even though it was time stamped).

Anyway I made a decision then and there that I cannot trust him, but he kept coming back and kept saying how much he liked me and my company. We since went away, three times.

His communication became more sporadic over lockdown and he not once initiated a phone call- I backed off and he messages out of the blue asking whether I see us as anything more than really good friends. He said I've become a really good friend to him, that he respects me a lot so had to be honest and that he still wants to meet up. I told him I don't give titles of friends to just anyone and that if he's trying to phase me out, I'll cut my losses.

Long story short- he's not good for me, but I like being me around him, and I don't know how to go about blocking him out of the blue when he thinks we are friends

[LilMissRe]

I still fancy him tbh and fear that I won't have that again for a very long time.
I have often stalked his facebook to see who he has added as a friend( creating a story in my head that he's hooked up with her which is why they're fb friends)
He's not on the apps- usually easy to find but I haven't been able to, and my insecurities have surfaced so I'm telling myself he's found someone more local during lockdown and that's why he's not on the apps, and why his communication has worsened with me.
He still messages me asking how I am and what I've been up to- but they're not as frequent as pre-lockdown.

[LilMissRe]

Sorry I just wanted to add that we have slept together, and when I had told him I wanted to be friends he respected that and didn't make any moves. On the first of the occasions we went away abroad he didn't make a move at all. So I started to trust him a little and became vulnerable again with him. The chemistry is amazing and he has said, even during lockdown that we are really great together.

He sent so many mixed messages during these last two years, and has wanted his cake and eat it and for the most part that's what he got. I got emotionally invested later and now I'm my own worst enemy. I'm attached to him and to some extent addicted. It is toxic and I don't know how to move forward- do I tell him I want no contact face to face? over text/call? or just block him and not give him any sense of closure?

[Wildwood6]

Its so easy to say and so difficult to do but just block him @LilMissRe. You'll never move on until you do. I know you don't want to move on, you want him to see the error of his ways, but his actions over the last several months tell you that clearly isn't going to happen! He doesn't need closure, he'll know full well how keen you are on him, so if he's got half a brain he'll know why you needed to do it. And there's the danger that you're hanging onto the hope against hope that this conversation about 'closure' is actually just a way of keeping a foot in the door and delaying the inevitable; that he'll give you just enough half assurances to keep hanging on a bit longer. I know you really like him but you clearly want something more than he is able or willing to give.

[Sassytwentyfour7]

I love blocking. In fact, having never been able to do it l am now the biggest blocking fan! I used to think a nice adult closure was possible but l now see that was me just hoping for some sort of continuation. You need to find your own closure. Blocking is so freeing and empowering because YOU do it for YOU. Fuck what they think (another thing that used to worry me), blocking means you are in control and no longer keeping the lines of communication open "just in case". Well done OP. Xx

[Wildwood6]

I used to think a nice adult closure was possible but l now see that was me just hoping for some sort of continuation. You need to find your own closure.

@Sassytwentyfour7 Yes! So true! I think so many of us have done this, but you're so right.