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Need some perspective - new man(12 Posts)
So I’ve been seeing a lovely man I met off tinder for nearly 5 weeks, but we have seen each other a LOT - think 48 hour dates, some weeks it’s worked out I’ve seen him everyday at some point (I was furloughed!) we get on really well and both Tick each other’s boxes.
He asked if I’m seeing anyone else and I’m not he said he isn’t either and hasn’t even spoken to anyone else on tinder since he met me etc.
However, he met a girl a few months ago in India and got stuck out there during lockdown so he lived with her she looked after him etc and he liked her... he’s still in contact with her which he’s been honest about and said he thought he’d cut it off when we become “official” And he’d be 109% committed to me whereas at the moment it’s only talking and she was good to him not like he’s gonna see her etc. Do you think that’s fair enough? Or that he doesn’t like me enough that he hasn’t cut her off already? I’m very insecure so don’t know if I’m being irrational or not! He said he. An see a future with us and just didn’t want to rush anything but it’s deffo heading that way he just didn’t want to put pressure on us... he introduced me to his family the weekend and all his actions show that he really likes me and he said he likes me a lot and would like to see where things go.., am I worrying over nothing?
He also said if he really wanted things to work between him and her then he wouldn’t have gone on tinder and has been speaking to her a lot less and was thinking to himself that he should cut her off soon or try to phase her out but knows it will upset her too but he knows that would be the right thing to do... so is that because he’d feel he would have to rather than he wants to? I Said would you like to stay In contact as friends and he said no as it would be a waste of time. I’m worried that he still really likes her too even though he said he doesn’t and really likes me now.
Sounds as though he’s keeping his options open.
In what way did he need looking after?
Most people who leave nice gaps between relationships can do so because they ‘look after’ themselves. Needy people never leave gaps between, and they always leave options open.
Do you ‘look after me him in anyway?
Does he have his own home, is he steady financially? Etc etc
She looked after him as in the hotels all closed so she let him live with her during lockdown and he said he was really ill out there as well... he’s also rich and seems very domesticated so definitely doesn’t need looking after in those sort of areas! He doesn’t seem like a player type either has only ever been in long term relationships and this is the longest time he’s been single - 8 months! He’s a really good catch and does seem sensible and open and honest but I don’t want to be an option - he said I’m not and he really wants to see where things go with us. He said he knows how I feel now and will cut things off with her today... do I even mention it again to him?
I think if you want to continue with him then don't feel bad about seeking more reassurance that its definitely stopped talking to her as he rightly should!
See how it goes but any further signs after he's told you its all stopped then you know to walk away.
So you had the exclusive chat but he's still in touch with her as more than friends as doesn't want to upset her?
We’ve had the chat that we aren’t seeing other people but we haven’t had the boyfriend/girlfriend chat,.. I still reply to a bloke I also used to date but have told everyone that I’m seeing someone now.. so feel like I’m doing the same but I never text him first and would happily cut him off as I don’t care about him!
He said in his head he thought to cut her off when we become boyfriend/girlfriend official... I don’t want to seem needy by asking him if he has until we do become official but I’m not going to wait around forever for that to happen either! On one hand I feel like ok it’d only been a month of seeing each other, but then we have seen each other a lot during that time, And would he introduce me to all of his family if he wasn’t serious about me?!
He’s either keeping his options open by not wanting to cut her off - which means it could be more than friendship.
OR...they’re just friends.
But...if they’re just friends then he shouldn’t need to cut her off regardless of whether he’s in a relationship.
What they all said.
And what are they talking about?
She sounds like she was a good friend when he needed help so understand that he doesn't want to abruptly cut ties. But you've said he has now anyway so id let it lie. He sounds a decent guy. Hope it works out for you both.
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