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Spouse working from home - how did you adapt?

(6 Posts)
Unconquerable Mon 20-Jul-20 12:51:27

My last thread might have been a bit to specific. Generell question: How did you adjust to your spouse working from home because of the corona pandemic?

OP’s posts: |
holrosea Mon 20-Jul-20 13:13:24

Depends how much space you have and how far you are both willing to compromise. A common theme from other threads seems to have been DHs working from the kitchen/dining room table thereby ruining everyone else's day either with loud video calls or constantly telling others to shush.

Is there something in particular that is bothering you? Do you need more support with household stuff that he is now ignoring because "he is working"? Is it about work eating into personal time or detracting from family time?

Unconquerable Mon 20-Jul-20 13:53:17

He is working from his office at our house.

I used to think he was very hardworking because he spend so much time at the office. Now I realize that he actually isn’t but actually is spending at lot of time lazing around doing nothing particularly useful.

Between video calls he is always following me around, wanting to chat, smoking and joking and offering me coffee (I am not used to that much caffeine) and actually he is often standing in the way... and it seems that he is expecting me to entertain him.

He sent doing anything bad and I love him... but I am always nearly stumbling over him.

OP’s posts: |
holrosea Mon 20-Jul-20 15:16:23

Perhaps you just need to be direct with him; I am horrible (sometimes) with my partner.

Mine has form for calling me when I have said "I'm going to chill out with a film" or "I need to leave the house by x time" so I literally just say to him "is this important? What do you need? Nothing? Right then, bugger off because I'm busy." I'm never angry or aggressive about it, but I just tell him clearly that I'm busy with something else and hang up.

Maybe slightly different when he's literally hanging about in front of you, but you could say to him "what do you want? If you're at a loose end then that washing needs folding/carpet needs hoovering/holiday needs booking/bins need emptying/shopping list needs writing/etc." Maybe it will discourage him from seeking your company wink

KeepingPlain Mon 20-Jul-20 15:23:16

We've coped fine, but 1. We don't have kids and 2. We have a spare room which I work from and he works from the living room. So our circumstances are a tad easier than most. Plus we are both busy for most of the day all the time and really only spend time at lunch time talking, or after work.

Guess you're just finding out now he isn't as busy as he claims. Give him housework if he's standing around doing nothing.

venusandmars Mon 20-Jul-20 16:35:26

I usually wfh, dh usually works in an office in town. I am used to having the whole house to myself, in peace and blissful silence. Not anymore.

We have both had to adjust. dh had to adjust to not having colleagues in the same workspace. I had to adjust to having a noisy presence in the house how can anyone make so much noise typing on a keyboard?

It's different issues for both of us, but we keep communicating about it, and are clear about what works / doesn't work. In the first week dh would appear in the kitchen at 'his' lunchtime looking expectantly for lunch. Nope. Not going there. Not rearranging my day around his lunch breaks. In 'normal' times he is responsible for his own breakfast, own lunch, same rules apply. And we discussed it (which I think is important). Even now 4 months in, dh sometimes looks enviously at my colourful lunch plate, which is usually some kind of leftovers with loads of salad, while he stares mournfully at his beige sandwich and crisps. We both have equal access to the fridge / cupboard ingredients, I'm just more inventive in my choices.

I've also been clear about how much I value my own space. Of course I can go out to get it but it's not the same as I am used to. Sometimes when dh goes to visit his parents I opt not to go, and I enjoy the luxury of having the house to myself. He is currently away for 2 days, and I have chosen to stay home. In 'normal' times I would have joined him on his trip because it would have been valuable together time, now the alone time is valuable.

The important thing is that we talk about it, how the different circumstances make each of us feel, and how we can each create what we need. If your dh needs companionship, how can he create that without relying on you? If you need space, how can you create that in a way that doesn't make him feel unwanted?

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