I started speaking to someone on a dating app about six weeks ago, and we were in touch for three weeks. We had long chats every evening, discussing life plans and ambitions/goals, met up within a few days of chatting and then had about six dates. Everything was very whirlwind and new, and even though I had doubts (we were different in key ways!) something felt really, really right and I felt like this could be it.
He was 5 years older than me (I am late 20s) and made it explicit from the start he wanted to settle down and was there for something serious. He was doing all the chasing and was very intense really from the start. E.g. said he would only date if a relationship had legs, kept mentioning things in the future, was really keen on me physically and seemed to fancy me madly (he wasn't my normal type but I liked him for more than just his looks), we just seemed so similar in what we wanted and our simple tastes in things. He kept saying things like he believed that people shouldn't be so quick to move on on dating apps and they should work things through, get to know each other.
I really felt that something was meant to be between us and he was doing all the chasing, was being very coupley and pushing things forward. he even suggested on our 4th date that if I got pregnant he would be totally behind it (!) and it wouldnt be weird if that happened. Psycho yes I know.
Fast forward to when we dtd a couple weeks in, it transpired that i was less experienced than him and he really freaked out. basically it was my 1st time, he kept saying that guys would never realise that as I was a "really hot chick" and then seemed to get insecure and say "now I guess you will want to dtd with loads of other guys". It really rattled me how he behaved but essentially he freaked out as he though I would now want to get serious with him and be a couple. He then messaged a lot but slow faded. I ended up breaking things off with him but suggesting we could be friends (he had suggested this as an option at one point) to which he enthusiastically agreed but then ghosted again!
This is all against a backdrop of his fiancee leaving him a year ago and quickly becoming pregnant with someone's else child soon after and then having a termination. Which he helpfully revealed on the last date. The whole way through he kept saying how over her he was, but then revealed that he had been trying to win her back at xmas but she was completely over him.
I feel so used and yet so sad. I feel like I wasn't that into him at first but he really pushed and pushed until he got inside my head and I felt attached, and then pulled away and left my without my dignity. I played it so cool at first and hate myself for even going there in the first place. I didnt do anything crazy but obviously suggested being friends at the end.
It is now about 8 weeks since I started chatting to him and I have still been crying most days, not about him, more sadness about how right it felt and how then how humiliatingly it ended. I did feel we were a match and connected, and without sounding arrogant physically I was why out of his league (my friends have said this too), I was so good to him, it really rankles to think how quickly he moved on and was able to ghost after saying all that stuff? He was so blunt and direct that I dont think it was bull, I do think he meant it in the moment... Who else is he going to end up with then?! And then to ghost even about being friends? I have so much anger about the whole situation and still have dreams about it, not sure what is wrong with me.
Please help as I am a mess
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Why can't I stop crying
19 replies
herstoryyyyy · 20/07/2020 12:51
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