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He's finally moved out - I feel so low and guilty(6 Posts)
Just that really. Split with ex after 7 years last year and had to live together for approx a year after due to circumstances/Covid. He finally moved out over the weekend and I'm shocked at how devastated I am. I instigated split for a lot of reasons; no sex for several years, wouldn't propose or discuss marriage despite saying he would, general lack of passion. The main motivation was wanting children and knowing that couldn't happen with him but now he's actually moved out, I'm completely doubting myself. I can't stop thinking about all the good times and how I might not ever find someone who will be as patient with me. OLD was horrendous and I'm currently taking a break as it was quite damaging to my self esteem. I'm genuinely worried that I made a mistake and should have just stuck with someone who admittedly wasn't perfect but at least loved me/cared for me and made me laugh.
I also feel terribly for how I was with him over the last few months. The anxiety of lockdown plus waiting for him to move out plus the resentment I still felt about him not proposing/ not wanting to be intimate with me made me be quite guarded and not very nice a lot of the time. I was quite moody and sarcastic and just the worst version of myself and I feel so bad. I apologised and tried to explain but he just sort of brushed me off and I don't know how to feel better about any of this. I'm so fearful for the future and don't know if I can cope being alone with my thoughts. Not sure why I'm posting this, just wondered if anyone has been through something similar and can advise on how to cope?
So that sounds quite awful and messy OP. Don't underestimate how badly you'd bound to feel.
Having to live with your ex for a year is pretty heavy!
Your reasons for splitting were PERFECTLY valid. Why should you be with someone who won't marry you or have kids??
NO reason! You want those things. That's fine! Why would you stay with him?
Your sarcasm in the last part of things is understandable. He was willing to lose what was in some ways, a good relationship...he loved you...but he wouldn't compromise.
Don't do online dating.
Make a promise to yourself to try as many new things as possible and meet men in real life.
Thank you for your reply. I definitely don't feel ready for any kind of dating right now but I actually really like the sound of what you've suggested.
You definitely have done the right thing OP. However low you might feel now, at least you won't be in the same passionless relationship in a year with no prospect of marriage or kids and a year older. You may even end up friends with your ex once both of you are settled and happy with other people.
Promise that in a few years, when you have met the right person (OLD or otherwise) and your worth is known and dc are in your plans, that you will re-read your post and think thank goodness.
It feels weird now because it is new but you've done the right thing not settling for something you knew could be better.
@mcmooberry @glowingtwig Thank you for these messages, I needed to hear this
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