Hi everyone,
My DH and I have been together for 2 years, married 1 year. We didn't live with each other util after we married, and our relationship since then has been gradually deteriorating.
He's suffered from debilitating anxiety since he was young and has been on anti anxiety meds for a little over a year. He says he feels 100% better, but the anxiety is still there. He's asked me not to do certain activities, or mention certain things because they cause him anxiety, which I did in the beginning (I am a bit of a people pleaser) because I thought I was being supportive. But things just got worse, and he gets more and more irritated and frustrated with me, to the point that my mental health nose dived and I was crying all the time.
(I have another thread buried here somewhere going into a little more detail)
I've been staying for the last 2 weeks or so in my own home, separate from him, just to clear my head. He's staying at the new home we bought last year. I've told him that I'm doing my part (meds and therapy) but that I can't fix us by myself.
Tonight he texted me, accusing me of deleting him off fb (I deleted fb several months ago because he got on me for spending so much time on it from his perspective). I denied it, but admitted to removing him as a follower on a sports training tracking site which made him furious.
He tells me that I need to up my meds and that I'm not thinking straight, and he did so again tonight via text. He said that deleting him off the strava site was "not healthy" and that it really hurt him. But whenever I try to tell him that him berating me or getting irritated with me hurts me, it falls on deaf ears. I feel like I'm talking to a wall, and he doesn't acknowledge my pain at all. When we had a virtual chat before all of this went down, he blamed me for his reaction (he cut me off mid sentence saying, "I don't want to hear about this!" when I mentioned my abusive parent in passing) and said that he had told me over and over that he never wanted to hear about that parent ever, and that if I mention her again, I can expect the same reaction.
I can't sleep tonight because my mind is racing. I can't believe this is happening to us. I have nothing at my house except a few clothes and my bed and a folding chair, and the rest of my things are at the other house, several hours away.
I just needed to write this out tonight, just to do something. I meet with my therapist this week and I hope I can keep it together until then. I feel so alone and unseen and unloved. I know there's really nothing I can do unless he learns how to own his shit. But I'm so very, very sad.
Because I know I'll be asked, I'm mid 50s, he's mid 40s, no kids on either side.
Thanks for reading.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm being blamed for our problems
IdowhatIwantnow · 20/07/2020 04:12
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