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How to get out of this.

(14 Posts)
Ilovetheseventies Sun 19-Jul-20 23:03:24

Have known a woman in my local town for around a year. I wouldn't class her as a good friend but we swim together in our local area, wild swimming.
She's always wanted more always inviting me round to hers etc likes a good drink.
I've been working throughout the lock down, she doesn't work because she has ME.
There's been issue around driving to other areas to swim. Sometimes I have driven or she's driven for an hour to swim in various places and if I've had time off work that's what I've done. However I've said I prefer to swim 2 miles up the road regularly. I have 3 children I'm working and I'm also doing up my flat.
We belong to Facebook groups where you can join others so there's no shortage of people to swim with. A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I had a problem going to other places. I don't but I can't do it on a regular basis.
Recently however she'd asked if I did want to go somewhere else and I'd said yes. So tomorrow her and I and my daughter were going to a location an hours drive away and she asked if I'd take my car. She would by lunch. I thought it would be a nice relaxing day.
On Friday night she messaged me as another friend who she'd invited without saying anything had asked someone else and she was furious with him telling me he was an arsehole for inviting someone else. I really couldn't see what the problem was but was trying to be diplomatic. He's not been well looks like advance prostate cancer.
Today I got told by her, she was bringing her twin girls, 3 paddle boards and oars (they are deflatable) and she wasn't getting lunch, we were to bring a pic nic. I would have got my own lunch anyway. She'd also invited two other people. So the very thing she was annoyed with she seems to be doing herself.
She didn't say, by the way is it OK if I bring my twins and can you put three paddle boats, three life jackets and oars in Yr car. I was just basically told. It wouldn't have been a problem if she'd asked. Her husband doesn't want her messing up his car! We would also have all our swimming gear, wet suits....
I had already asked my son if he was coming, he's 18 but likes walking so he would trek off whilst we were swimming.
I also have my own business and all my equipment is in the back of my new car which means clearing it all out.
So I just said we cannot fit in one car. I hadn't realised her twins were coming. The thing is I don't want to go tomorrow I just feel as if a day out is turning into hard work. I don't want to fall out so need to send a polite message and decline the invitation.

OP’s posts: |
Interestedwoman Sun 19-Jul-20 23:24:54

I would feign illness. Say you have a tummy bug. She can't argue with that.

verypeckish Sun 19-Jul-20 23:31:33

She has ME so severely that she is unable to work, yet she is capable of wild swimming??

Just message her and say very sorry, something's cropped up work-wise and you can't make it after all.

Musti Sun 19-Jul-20 23:39:34

Wow, just how big is your car?? Anyway, she's being extremely rude - it was going to be just her, your daughter and you and now it's her friend plus his friend and her twins and all their crap and she's not bringing lunch?? So 4 extra people without checking with you? I wouldn't be polite, I'd just tell her that the day has completely changed from what was originally agreed and you no longer want to go but I'm sure she'll have a nice time.

I personally wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that and you sound way too nice and accepting.

But if you want to remain friends and be polite, just say you don't feel well.

Interestedwoman Sun 19-Jul-20 23:40:00

@verypeckish Exercise is recommended for CFS. Also, part of CFS is it can be worse sometimes than others.

One of the problems is CFS often coexists with trauma/mental health problems.

@Ilovetheseventies You sound really nice, be sure not to be 'too nice' with people so that you end up doing loads of stuff you don't want to do. I found 'The Disease to Please' book quite good

Justcallmebebes Mon 20-Jul-20 02:25:48

An awful lot of drama over a swim

DoWahDiddy Mon 20-Jul-20 07:21:51

What an oar...

slipperywhensparticus Mon 20-Jul-20 07:28:24

Just say no it won't all fit in your car

anotherdisaster Mon 20-Jul-20 08:35:54

You are being too nice when she is clearly taking the piss. Its a simple response of "Sorry everything won't fit in my car I'm afraid'. Simple. She sounds annoying to be honest.

Ilovetheseventies Mon 20-Jul-20 09:22:00

Thanks for Yr replies. Its not ME sorry its fibro myalgia. Don't know if that's any different. Told me the second time that I met her how both her parents had sexually abused her. I wouldn't tell anyone that so soon if ever.
I think the reason I stay friends is it's someone to swim with locally although I'm going to set up a Facebook group.
She has a history of falling out with people.
Two of the people going will meet there. I have a Peugeot 2008 so it's not that spacious.
She wanted to borrow three paddle boards because the other guy is bringing his paddle board 'the arsehole' so she wouldn't then want to use his. The other paddle boards were for the other two I presume. One would have done but then she wants to race one of the women!
Normally we will set up an invite on Facebook or group chat but this is all being done by her so through her which makes it more complicated.
I'm just saying I've got to go into work for a meeting and covid testing as I'm nursing in a care home.
I think she loves drama and I don't want to look like the one causing it.
I feel like saying what I think but I honestly think I would be playing right into her hands. She will be getting the slow fade.
At least I'm not complaining about a man on here for a change!

OP’s posts: |
verypeckish Mon 20-Jul-20 13:47:46


*@verypeckish* Exercise is recommended for CFS. Also, part of CFS is it can be worse sometimes than others.

One of the problems is CFS often coexists with trauma/mental health problems.

@Ilovetheseventies You sound really nice, be sure not to be 'too nice' with people so that you end up doing loads of stuff you don't want to do. I found 'The Disease to Please' book quite good ]]

I know. I have been diagnosed with CFS myself. I work part-time and manage that way. I certainly wouldn't be able to go wild swimming in stone cold water in the UK.

billy1966 Mon 20-Jul-20 14:10:01

Good call OP.

Good excuse.

She sounds like a complete PITA.

Fade her out fast.

Ilovetheseventies Mon 20-Jul-20 15:00:54

Actually yesterday I had said I couldn't get all that in one car. The reply was fine see you there. No time, no place as it's a Loch its kind of big and I'm not familiar with it.
So I've just ignored her.
She'll be missing me before I miss her. Apparently she does this no wonder her DH jokingly calls her *****nomates.

OP’s posts: |
billy1966 Mon 20-Jul-20 17:09:04

You sound far too busy for someone who is such hard work🙄👍

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