I've just got out of a very short but very toxic dating 'relationship' with a guy I'd known for just over a month, and as much as I am happy he's out of my life, there's a possibility I could be pregnant (albeit small, there's still a chance), and my head is all over the place...
To cut a long story short, this guy was very intense from the get go, told me he loved me the third time I met him, and fed me what I wanted to hear about having children. He used to talk about the future with me, how excited he is to have kids with me, and all that jazz, to the point where he convinced me to stop taking the mini pill so we could start trying for a child together (to carry on his 'prodigy'). After I'd stopped taking it and we had 'tried', we'd talk on the phone for hours about the future, we sorted baby names and he'd even text me telling me he hopes that I am pregnant etc etc. Keep in mind, we were not official and we had known each other maybe 3/4 weeks. Looking back now, I can TOTALLY see how silly I was ... but when I was in it I honestly thought I had found 'the one'. After years of failed dating relationships, having a man tell you everything you want to hear about having a family and settling down with you really blinded me.
On the flip side, he was often controlling and narcissistic. Over the few weeks we were dating, he made me cry, made me feel guilty when I had done nothing wrong, I felt like I had to change my behaviour just so he didn't flip out, he gaslighted me, and called me nasty names when he didn't get his own way. He got angry when he couldn't see me when he wanted, and had a sense of entitlement to me (and my body). He used to speak about how intelligent he was, and how high his IQ was, and that the women he's dated in the past have been 'dumb' - but I was 'different' (why he wanted to have children with me). Why I kept seeing him, I don't know; in a way I feel a little taken advantage of, but I was also naive... I guess I thought he would settle down, or that I could mellow him...I honestly don't know.
Anyway, the other day he out of the blue told me he doesn't want 'anything serious' (over 12 hours he went from being excited about me being pregnant to him only wanting something casual), to which I was shocked and understandably upset. After talking about it, and what would happen if I have conceived, he said he would step up if that is the case. But, he is extremely toxic, narcissistic and controlling, the main reason why he is now out of my life again and blocked (if I was to explain all the red flags he has alongside those mentioned above, and how nasty he was to me yesterday, we would be here forever).
I don't need people telling me what I have done is silly, as I know that... I really do. I just don't know what to do if I am pregnant. It is such a small chance, but it was after the 'safe window' when missing one pill (and I never took the pill again), so technically there is still a chance I have conceived.
I know time will tell (I need to wait to take a pregnancy test, or to see if I get my period), and I don't really know why I am writing this, but I guess maybe to just get it out of my head and work through my thoughts. As much as I do want kids, I don't want them with him (so I'm hoping the odds are in my favour), but I don't think I could terminate either. If I am, do I tell him? Any advice?
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Potentially pregnant to someone who is toxic?
12 replies
bird259 · 19/07/2020 17:52
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