Don't know what to do today

[Thepastdefinesus]

Things aren't great between me and DP. Mainly my fault for having insecurities from the start I still can't shake. Things did get good (or perhaps I told myself they were) and we went on to have a baby. DP is due to see his older children today and I know I'm going to be expected to be around with the baby so they can see their sibling. However, I'm feeling so suffocated at the moment I don't want to be here and I'm dreading today. If I'm not around I'm going to make the situation worse. I always feel so tense on the weekends (nothing to do with the children). I hate them.

[Fallingirl]

Surely your DP can bring the baby with him on his own, when he sees the older children?

You are not an extension of him, and you are allowed your own feelings and weekend time for yourself.

[Thepastdefinesus]

No he can't. He is useless with the baby and I do pretty much all the baby's care.

[Aquamarine1029]

I hate them.

Who is "them?" His other children?

[incognitomum]

You hate his dcs?

[Thepastdefinesus]

@Aquamarine1029 "them" is referring to weekends. I hate the weekends. I don't hate the children - sorry if that's how it sounded.

[incognitomum]

Or you hate weekends?

[incognitomum]

Thought as much

Are you ok otherwise?

[Thepastdefinesus]

Just to clarify I hate weekends. Not his children. I've been up most of the night I didn't read that back properly.

[incognitomum]

When you say don't want to be here can you elaborate?

[Thepastdefinesus]

I'm fine on the surface but a mess inside. I can't give in though I need to stay strong for our baby. I just feel worn down and know I need to pull myself out of it but no idea where to start.

[Thepastdefinesus]

Yes I don't want to be at home. I want to be at my own home (fictional) with my things and everything I like and where I want them with my baby and a positive outlook on life.

[incognitomum]

Have you spoken to your gp or hv?

What is it about dp that was a problem before you got pregnant?

[copperoliver]

Maybe you should make a gp appointment and maybe try some antidepressants for a bit. X

[Thepastdefinesus]

GP pointed me in the direction of counselling but the waiting list is colossal. I'm trying to sort some though work.

I've tried AD before. I didn't like taking them. I don't think they work.

I think it's me tbh. Some things happened in the past relating to communications between him and two ex's. I just can't now get past it. It's stupid really but it hurt me a lot and I'm stuck in my own head in the past.

[Fallingirl]

It sounds like it might help to talk to your health visitor, if you still have one, or your gp, about depression.

It also sounds like you would like to split from you DP, and living by yourself with your baby. If so, calling Rights of Women might be able to help woth where you stand legally. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

Women’s aid might be able to advise more generally on ways of becoming independent. It is not just for women experiencing violence. www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwu8r4BRCzARIsAA21i_CDcviKdREX9yf_gcrrLqnnkUsUwJt1T3gQ09WpyJOxgtC8L3IEKX4aApZCEALw_wcB

[incognitomum]

Not knowing the context of the 'some things' then not sure if you are being understandably insecure or not?

You aren't happy though. What's he like when you try to discuss your worries.

[Thepastdefinesus]

Communications crossed a line (for me) and he apologised later and it should all be forgotten. But both ex's are in his life (one the mother of his children) still and I just think he prefers them to me as they are friends. I wouldn't say we're friends anymore.

And this is the problem. He thinks I'm being childish and I sound childish when I try and discuss it (probably do on here too). I can't articulate why it still bothers me. I think maybe I just should be single. Then there would be no worry.

[incognitomum]

You don't sound childish. I wouldn't like it if boundaries were crossed with exes.

You sound very unhappy. Is there anyone you could stay with for a few weeks?

[RantyAnty]

How long have you and your DP been together and how old is the baby?

[Thepastdefinesus]

He thinks I'm trying to control who he can be friends with and I suppose I am. It just fills me with anxiety and I should be "over it" by now but I just can't seem to move past it.

We've been together 5 years and our baby is 7 months old.

I'm hoping to stay with family soon for a bit. Just to give some breathing space.

[incognitomum]

Good that you can have a break.

[user9274672893]

I don't think you sound childish.

It also worries me that he's not pulling his weight with your baby and is therefore leaving all of that burden on your shoulders. As well as telling you you're not allowed to have feelings.

Your despair is palpable. I feel for you.

How soon will you be able to go and stay with your family?

[Thepastdefinesus]

I'll be staying soon. They are just prepping for my baby as there would be no bed for them to sleep in.

I just can't take much more. I never thought I'd turn into this person who is nothing like I recognise from a few+ years ago

[MyBassIsAce]

It's not acceptable that he's "useless with the baby", especially if he already has children!

I think I'd just be telling him that you have things you want to do today and leave him to it for a bit. Will he be taking the baby with him to see his children or are his children coming to your house?

[Thepastdefinesus]

The children are coming to the house and I won't leave the baby with him. It's not fair on any of us to do that.