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I think my marriage has just ended

(51 Posts)
FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 21:43:44

I don’t really know how I feel. I’ve been resentful and angry with him for so long. I just want him gone. His bloody parents are coming to stay tomorrow so that will be fun.

OP’s posts: |
waytheleaveswork Sat 18-Jul-20 21:47:17

I'm so sorry OP

Can you just leave and stay in a bnb/ hotel for the weekend if it is fairly amicable, or do you have DC?

Can you cancel his parents?

Really focus on what you need to get through the next few days

Aquamarine1029 Sat 18-Jul-20 21:47:23

Life is too short to live this way. Get a solicitor and get out. Can you go somewhere whilst his parents are visiting? I would.

FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 21:53:26

I can’t really go anywhere as we’ve got young kids. I could take them over to my mums but that seems a bit petty as then they wouldn’t see their grandparents. Dh is working while they’re staying here and he hadn’t told me he’d invited them which led to an almighty row where he said things that I don’t think I can forgive him for. He invited them to stay in our granny flat which is pretty much unfurnished and a complete wreck (was supposed to be ready as a holiday let but due to CV all the work got delayed). It turns out dh thinks that it’s not finished because I’ve just been being lazy. I’ve been ill for the last year and have barely managed to get out of bed most days but have still managed to look after the kids as dh works away.

OP’s posts: |
MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood Sat 18-Jul-20 22:05:05

WhT have you been ill with fir a year? That sounds serious and something your dh should be mindful of

waytheleaveswork Sat 18-Jul-20 22:12:14

This weekend is not going to go well if you stay in that house. It is kinder for your children if you acknowledge the situation instead of pretending everything is OK.

If you are brave enough, greet DHs parenst tomorrow, give them an hour or two with the kids, and explain that things are so difficult that you need to leave. DH and you can then decide whether the children should stay with you or him.

No one will thank you for 'sucking it up'. No one. Look after yourself.

FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 22:41:13

I don’t know what I’ve been ill with, still trying to get a diagnosis. I’ve had stomach ulcers and anaemia and vomiting blood. I knew dh thought I was exaggerating it/ making it up. I have begged him for help so many times and he’s not once taken a day off work to help me.

Dh’s parents will blame me for the mess but I am not cleaning it up. I don’t even want to be here when they get here because it will be so embarrassing showing them where they’re staying.

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23trains Sat 18-Jul-20 22:43:02

Fuck them all. Your marriage is over, your husband’s a dick. Look after yourself and stop giving a fuck.

TicketToTheWrongFilm Sat 18-Jul-20 22:44:04

FlopsyDoodle

I don’t know what I’ve been ill with, still trying to get a diagnosis. I’ve had stomach ulcers and anaemia and vomiting blood. I knew dh thought I was exaggerating it/ making it up. I have begged him for help so many times and he’s not once taken a day off work to help me.

Dh’s parents will blame me for the mess but I am not cleaning it up. I don’t even want to be here when they get here because it will be so embarrassing showing them where they’re staying.

Good God. The ulcers and anaemia were bad enough but vomiting blood?

Are you ok? Have you had a gastroscopy or
similar tests?

Jedimastermama Sat 18-Jul-20 22:45:16

Put yourself and the children first.

PinkyBrain Sat 18-Jul-20 22:45:38

He needs to cancel them or you need to go and stay elsewhere when they arrive. You can’t do this , if he wants his parents to come and stay then he needs to come home from work and host them, he can’t spring this on you while you’re not well.

PicsInRed Sat 18-Jul-20 22:48:28

Don't leave the kids if you go, they may claim you've moved out, and without the children.

Gather up any documents and small valuables it would be damaging/upsetting to lose and take the kids to your parents.

Your H is a deliberate argument stirring arsehole. He engineered this entire situation (surprise parents, unfinished room etc) for it to blow up in front of his parents. Then he can say to rhem "See? See what she's like?" Don't give him the chance, just don't be there.

PicsInRed Sat 18-Jul-20 22:49:19

Phrase it as a temporary thing. Don't allow him to claim you've left the family home.

FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 22:50:35

I’ve had endoscopies and currently awaiting another iron infusion and result of a stomach biopsy. It’s all just taking forever because of CV and I just feel like I’m drowning. Dh springing this on me is just the last straw.

I think my mum has given dh a bollocking as I phoned her in years earlier and I just saw her car pull out of the drive (didn’t see her arrive). Dh was sulking in the granny flat and I’m assuming my mum went and spoke to him. Or she’ll have just gone in and started cleaning. Either way dh is going to be even more angry with me.

OP’s posts: |
FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 22:52:55

I’m going to just take the kids over to my mums tomorrow when we wake up I think. Dh can call me if he wants them to see his parents and I’ll drop them off for a couple of hours. I really can’t face his parents on top of everything else. They’re perfectly nice but my relationship with them has never really got past the stage of just talking about the weather or the state of the roads.

OP’s posts: |
FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 22:53:56

I put the kids into bed with me so that he won’t come in here.

OP’s posts: |
IdblowJonSnow Sat 18-Jul-20 23:00:10

That all sounds rubbish OP. Get some sleep and I also think it would he a good idea to head off with the kids tomorrow.
Let him sort it all out.

IdblowJonSnow Sat 18-Jul-20 23:01:23

I'd take a few documents too just in case it all blows up and gets nasty.
Can you and the kids stay with your parents for a few days?

waytheleaveswork Sat 18-Jul-20 23:08:41

Glad you aren't playing along with this shit show.

Agree with previous posters - take passports, key documents just in case.

Pack early in the morning, load the car before he gets up. Taken enough stuff to last you at least a week.

Best of luck OP - you deserve better.

IJustWantSomeBees Sat 18-Jul-20 23:09:54

Going to your mams sounds like a good idea OP. So sorry that you’re going through all this, he should not be expecting you to host his parents especially not when you’re so ill

FlopsyDoodle Sat 18-Jul-20 23:16:52

I know it’s stupid but I don’t have passports or anything. Dh keeps them all in his office at work.

My mum will let me stay with her for as long as I need. I didn’t expect this to be happening when I woke up this morning.

OP’s posts: |
Appuskidu Sat 18-Jul-20 23:20:05

Definitely go off to your mum’s first thing and take the kids. Let him explain to his parents what’s going on when they arrive, and he can also entertain them.

I would be livid if my DH invited his parents to stay and was going to be at work.

Good for you.

InappropriateFire Sat 18-Jul-20 23:29:02

Hang on, so you've been looking after two small children yourself, for a year, whilst he "works away" and you have an illness that means you are vomitng blood? And to show you solidarity and compassion your loving husband has booked his family to stay and blames you because the accommodation is not up to scratch?

Fuck that. You know you're done Flopsy. I can hear it in your voice.

FizzyGreenWater Sat 18-Jul-20 23:43:14

Oh well time to report the passports as lost and apply for new ones. To be posted to your mum’s. 🙂

He’s not there to host his parents? Oh right. They’re going to be lonely then...

Enough4me Sat 18-Jul-20 23:48:56

You sound thoroughly fed-up and with good reason. For now focus on one day at a time. Go to your mum's tomorrow, listen to her advice as it sounds like she is standing up for you.

At some point you will need to think about where you want to be in 6 months time and in a year, but for now reduce your stress so you can have a clear head.

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