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Father and Son Problems

(7 Posts)
Guardsman18 Sat 18-Jul-20 18:50:42

I seem to be on here all the time lately, asking for advice but I need to send an email to my son's father, would like some assistance and would appreciate some help if anyone has any.

I don't live with my son's dad. I've always felt the relationship was a bit 'odd' (have posted before) but took the advice from here to just be here for him and me and son have a good relationship.

His dad doesn't seem to want him to move on at all (understatement). Having got him to do A levels which were very difficult for him, got him to work in his business for a year and do another A level - D grade again. He is very influenced by his dad - I think they think I'm a bit thick tbh.

Son is now nearly 20 and has the opportunity to do a course in something he's interested in. Not academic but will be good for him.

How can I word an email that doesn't say anything bad but to get him to talk to son that the course is the best bet? Dad is even saying he needs to get on UC to take advantage of the new 18-24 thingy.

I can't believe it. I'm talking about a man (Dad) with 2 degrees and he wants his son to hang on for this wonderful promise from the government. Anyone remember YTS?

Sorry if this is rambling/ranting but I am so angry and feel so helpless.

Am even thinking that I might say to son that unless he does the course, he can't live here any more.

My head is a mess over this.

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Sat 18-Jul-20 18:52:58

Yabu to interfere other than suggest ds tells df to stfu and let him make his own decisions..

Guardsman18 Sat 18-Jul-20 18:55:28

Ok. Fair enough. How does that help ds with working and moving on?

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Sat 18-Jul-20 21:05:24

Does your ds make decisions for himself in general? Can't imagine my adult ds's taking so much notice that he is being told what to do at 20..

Aquamarine1029 Sat 18-Jul-20 21:09:29

Encourage your son, but don't interfere in his relationship with his father. He's 20, not 12. Your son needs to learn how to make his own choices.

Guardsman18 Sat 18-Jul-20 21:12:50

I probably haven't explained it properly. He's not working atm and his dad's advice is to claim UC for these wonderful jobs that are going to be created.

As a 20 year old, he should be contributing surely?

OP’s posts: |
Guardsman18 Sun 19-Jul-20 13:40:06

Any more thoughts? Anyone?

I feel like giving up on him but find that difficult

OP’s posts: |

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