Name change for this one.
I'm late 40s and have been seeing a divorced guy in his early 50s for the last couple of months - been intimate for about a month. We are very well suited, lots of common interests, and the first guy in years that I feel I can be myself with.
The first night he stayed I fessed up that I'd been out of the game for quite a while - I hadn't had sex in four years and thought it better that he know in case I was a bit out of practice. He then trumped me by telling me that it had been double figures for him, which left me a bit speechless, but made me feel a bit better at least.
On to DTD. It didn't really happen. I put this down to nerves from both parties, but as we've gone on, it's apparent that this is a more deep seated problem. He's been very honest, and we've had some very frank chats about it - he and his ex struggled to conceive and although they managed it eventually, it had a massive effect on their sex life, he couldn't rise to the occasion, they hadn't had sex in well over a decade, and eventually split up a couple of years ago.
I think it's more of a psychological problem than physical - he wakes up with an erection, but it goes away if I touch it or if he comes near me. If I try to manually stimulate him this works to a certain extent; there's definite movement there but not usually enough to enter me. We've managed it three or four times when he has taken a bit of chemical help, but he's gone soft or not been able to ejaculate. In fact, he's never ejaculated when with me, although says he can wank fine. Apparently he's not a massive user of porn, as he says it just makes him feel inadequate.
On the plus side, apart from the penetration issue he is really good in bed! Lots of intimacy, kissing, and he's left me extremely satisfied in all the other ways. He is desperate to sort this out. I really don't want to pressure him or make things worse, and I've let him know that it's not a deal breaker for me so far - is there anyone else who has been in a similar position that has any advice?
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Relationships
Performance anxiety from new partner
18 replies
SweatyBetty20 · 16/07/2020 11:22
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