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Anybody else with a DP/DH on the spectrum find it hard sometimes?

(3 Posts)
Metcon Wed 15-Jul-20 10:07:00

Mine is. We have two children together, one of which is also on the spectrum.

I love him dearly but do find it frustrating sometimes.

He doesn't completely get me

He refuses to make any changes to better our lives, moving outside this Burrough for example (we are in desperate need of more space and a less pricey area)

He doesn't talk about his emotions so there no transparency on his part whereas I'm a communicator and need to be able to discuss issues and talk openly. His lack of transparency comes off as him being secretive. I find out about things by mistake that we probably should have spoken about.

If there's a problem at work he doesn't face it head on he just bottles things up and becomes grumpy.

Because he doesn't get humour and sarcasm he's always on the defensive and thinks people (me) are mocking him.

He has lots of wonderful qualities of course otherwise I wouldn't be with him.

I just wanted to vent really.

Anybody else?

OP’s posts: |
hunkyfunkymunky Wed 15-Jul-20 15:30:28

I'll be 60 in January and have 2 children with my ex, my son is almost 20 and when he was 4, he was diagnosed with mild Autism. As I've seen him grow and noticed his behaviour, I've become aware that there are so many similarities between us.
Without delving into everything, I went to my doctors late last year and asked if I could be on the spectrum, she informed me that there is a possibility based on what I'd told her about my behaviour. I was asked to keep a diary and how I felt about certain situations, what I liked/disliked, my diet, my interaction with people I knew/didn't know, things I enjoyed and kept away from, you get the idea.
Since then, I've kept a fairly detailed diary, tried to be precise and noted how I was feeling. One thing with me, is I've never been one to be aggresive or violent, I'll walk away from any situation that I feel is too much and taking me towards a heated and possibly physical encounter.
Although I can't remember, my mother told me of an occasion when I was about 9 years old, a lad who was two years above me in school, decided to bully me, not once or twice, but for several days, one day I was walking back from school and was just about to turn into the gate of my house, when he jumped on my back, knocking me to the floor and he stood over me laughing, I got up and without thinking, smacked him square on the nose, which literally exploded, he staggered back and I hit him again, then again, every time he stepped back, I hit him again, he was caked in blood, but I was wanting more, it seemed I was determined to keep going until I ran out of steam. Some of the other kids walking home were cheering, this alerted my mother, who came rushing out the house and dragged me away from the bully and into the house. As soon as I got inside, I collapsed and had an epileptic fit, the doctor was called, but before he got to our house, the mother of the kid I'd hit, came banging on our door, complaining I'd attacked her son, it might have looked that way, but my mother was aware of the bullying and told the woman I'd just fought back to defend myself, seconds later, she was sent away with a flea in her ear.
I can't remember the next few days and I was kept off school, it turns out, my mother had been to speak to the headmaster, the parents of the other kid had also been to see the headmaster to complain about me. The other kid apparently, had a broken nose, 2 teeth knocked out and both lips split requiring stitches. Because of the statement from some of the other kids saying I'd been getting bullied by him, they were told to make sure he kept away from me, for the rest of his time in school. He did and he kept well away from me at secondary school too.
When I mentioned this event to my doctor, she was of the opinion that this episode was a defining factor in confirming my having ASD. Since then, I've been interacting with my area Autism Society and I'm over the moon with the way I've been involved in every aspect of my treatment. To cut an overlong story short, I now have a better understanding of my son, myself and anyone else who falls under in this condition and related conditions.
The fight I had with the bully, is the only time I've ever been violent with anyone, even though I enrolled in martial arts classes after the bullying event, I'll always walk away from a potential incident. if someone wants to try and bully me or tease me and won't stop or leave it alone, with the skills I have, they could end up in a bloody mess or worse.

Daftasabroom Wed 15-Jul-20 15:34:27

Yes, transparency definitely a thing. I'm never quite sure whether the depth of emotion just isn't there or whether it's just out of reach. Sometimes it feels like the longer we are together the further apart we are.

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