Firstly, I hope everyone is well & keeping safe through these difficult times.
I am back again looking for some more advice regarding the ongoing situation with my 13 year old Son & his Mum who he no longer has contact with. As some of you maybe aware due to my previous posts my Son’s Mum got involved with a drug user & unfortunately now looks to be also in the grips of addiction. Last year my Son felt uncomfortable staying at his Mums when she moved this guy in & due to Social services contacting me expressing concern over my Son’s welfare, I took the decision to move him in with me full time. I offered his Mum mediation & tried to help & advise her, but nothing changed. Since last year there has been a lot of stuff going on & I have had reports of her & her boyfriend stealing, begging & taking money from vulnerable people. The last incident involved them stealing a statue out of someone’s garden which caused a lot of tension at their house with people going round not very happy with them. This was all over Facebook & reading the numerous comments the consensus was that they were both well known for stealing to feed their drug habit. This incident resulted with them turning up at my Son’s older Sisters house asking to stay as they felt unsafe at home due to various threats. His older Sister said they both looked very unwell & their personal hygiene was very bad. I had a random guy message me on Facebook who had found my name somehow asking if I could provide him with any details on my Son’s mum. He was a businessman who helped with a food bank. He had been delivering food to my Son’s mum & boyfriend but had got involved with lending them money & he had a feeling that the money was for drugs. There is a lot more stuff that has gone on all pointing to a highly dysfunctional & toxic environment.
My Son blocked her mobile number a while back through his own choice as any contact with her was upsetting him as it was always some form of emotional blackmail or manipulation. However, she managed to leave him a voicemail somehow which upset him a great deal. I listened to the voicemail & it was all one sided. She basically was asking my Son to think about her like she thinks about him & how much she loves & misses him, but I am stopping her seeing him. At no point did she ask how he was or appeared concerned for him. He wanted me to change his number but what I decided to do with his consent was to put a password on his voicemail so I can check it periodically.
My Son has been doing really well at School & at home. We talk regularly about the situation especially if I think it is bothering him. School are aware & before the Pandemic I had arranged for some child counselling but due to the Pandemic it has not yet happened.
The reason for this post is to ask some advice regarding a question I received from his older Sister who still has minimal contact with their Mum. His Mum has asked if she can write to him & I really do not know whether this is a good idea or not. My reply to his Sister was that I am not sure if that would be suitable & it maybe a better idea if his Mum sort help for her situation first. Then I thought maybe I should mention it to him & ask how he feels about it or maybe say yes but I could read the letter first. I am quite sure the letter would be full of attempted manipulation & emotional blackmail & I just do not want anything upsetting him.
What are people’s thoughts?
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Son's Mum has asked if she can write to my Son but I have my concerns
85 replies
malgrat78 · 14/07/2020 09:53
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