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Confused about colleague

(27 Posts)
PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:10:18

I wonder if anyone can offer any thoughts or insight into my situation please.

I’m currently divorcing my husband, aged 43. I had a couple of relationships before him but I’m not particularly experienced. I always found men to be a bit of a mystery to me.

So the divorce is very amicable. I have now found myself attracted to a guy at work. He’s 10 years younger, very handsome and I think pretty special. Before we properly worked together we had a few bumping into each other moments, both blushing, big smiles, etc.

Anyway, I very subtly asked a friend at work about his relationship status and she said he’s gay but keeps it private. I wasn’t massively surprised but still it was a big deflation.

Since then we have chatted, spent a bit more time working together. He always seems interested to come and seek me out. I actually find him quite flirty. Tonight we had socially distanced drinks in a group and he looked at me and we held eye contact for an inappropriately long time.

So what is this? A gay man after an ego boost? A bisexual man?

I’m terrible at reading signs. What does it all mean?

OP’s posts: |
category12 Mon 13-Jul-20 00:16:25

How does the friend know he's gay? Could they be mistaken or having you on?

frog22 Mon 13-Jul-20 00:17:12

How did your colleague know he is gay if he keeps it quiet? It might just be office gossip.

Crystalspider Mon 13-Jul-20 00:18:18

I wouldn't keep flirting think how embarrasing it would be if he didn't feel the same and all other colleagues pick up on it andstart to talk about it :/
Keep being friendly but let it unfold naturally as you get to know more about him personally, as you don't know what his sexuality is for sure and who else that may be in his life.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 13-Jul-20 00:19:14

No one can tell you what it means, but even if he is interested, I recommend you avoid a romantic relationship with a colleague like the plague.

PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:20:07

She is the same level as him and I presume they’re friends and he told her. I did him say something about “Dave’s flatmate” the other day, and I thought Dave must be his partner.

My colleague definitely wasn’t kidding me or anything. But I guess there’s a chance she has it wrong.

OP’s posts: |
MiddlesexGirl Mon 13-Jul-20 00:20:47

Massive generalisation but gay men are often very flirty ime.

PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:21:22

The second I heard he was gay I stopped flirting with him. He’s the one who has continued. Obviously the eye contact was both of us.

OP’s posts: |
PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:22:23

He’s leaving in October and my divorce comes through then too. I won’t date anyone until divorced.

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Isthisfinallyit Mon 13-Jul-20 00:22:57

I was once told that my colleague-who I shared an office with- was gay. He was/is very private so doesn't talk about his private life at work but actually has been married to a woman for more than 30 years. I know because she was/is my gym friend and I've been to their house several times.

So I wouldn't believe the gossip too easily.

PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:23:03

But why flirt with your non preferred sex. I would never flirt with a woman.

OP’s posts: |
PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:23:48

Well maybe I should keep a bit of hope going then!

OP’s posts: |
Iamthewombat Mon 13-Jul-20 00:24:17

No need to be confused. If he’s not gay and he likes you, he’ll let you know. Although I’m with @Aquamarine1029 on the subject of starting a relationship with a work colleague, especially just after a divorce.

PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 00:26:16

He’ll only be a colleague for another couple of months.

OP’s posts: |
Iamthewombat Mon 13-Jul-20 00:32:05

A couple of months is long enough to cause complications. Particularly when other colleagues see you jumping into a new relationship with somebody you work with, if that’s what happens. But each to their own, eh?

Are you sure that he’s flirting? He might just be a bit intense?

MiddlesexGirl Mon 13-Jul-20 01:30:19

I don't know why they do it. Maybe because its safe. Or expected. Or is it just that for some of them, their natural campness makes it seem that they are flirting?

Osirus Mon 13-Jul-20 01:38:36

A friend of mine was told her boss was gay. He wasn’t and was actually had a wife!

Osirus Mon 13-Jul-20 01:38:54

Ignore the stray “was”!

PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 01:53:54

I mean I would wait a couple of months and only date him outside of work after he has left. If he isn’t gay and if he fancies me too!

OP’s posts: |
PeakPumpkin Mon 13-Jul-20 01:55:55

Maybe because its safe. Or expected. Or is it just that for some of them, their natural campness makes it seem that they are flirting?
Yes possibly.

I had a married man give me the impression that was hugely attracted to me too but again I think he was just pretending for the ego boost. I don’t get why someone would use someone else in that way.

OP’s posts: |
Pamwasdreaming Mon 13-Jul-20 02:08:10

You need to find out for sure if he’s gay or not. Did he tell her? How does she know?

I had a colleague once who came up to me almost every day. I was convinced he fancied me and so was everyone else! Rumours were flying. Luckily I didn’t fancy him. He came out to me on a night out and I was surprised but it all made sense. He felt so comfortable around me because he wasn’t sexually interested. It was hilarious listening to the rumours for ages after when I knew he was gay and no-one else did.

It could be a long shot OP — you do need to know your colleague’s source for this.

managedmis Mon 13-Jul-20 02:22:45

Maybe she fancies him?

Pamwasdreaming Mon 13-Jul-20 02:26:47

I think he was just pretending for the ego boost. I don’t get why someone would use someone else in that way

This is very common no matter what the sexuality. A friend of mine flirts with all men - at work, at the shops, anywhere she goes! I don’t know how she does it but every man she meets she touches and sustains eye contact with. She’s in love with her husband so it’s all for the ego boost and there are plenty of people like that.

Nartl0ngNow Mon 13-Jul-20 02:31:57

Divorcees are vulnerable and easy prey. If they're leaving in Oct then they can break your heart and not look back.

nolovelost Mon 13-Jul-20 07:53:32

Maybe she's told you that because she fancies him!

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