I would be grateful for any advice.
Been with my husband 22 years.
We have two children in their teens.
Over the past 22 years I’m not aware of any cheating but I’ve caught him a few times messaging other women.
Once in the early 2000’s he was on a pen pal site and struck up a friendship with a woman up north.
Messages back and forth about each other then he was making arrangements to go and stay there. Of course when I found the emails I immediately left and took my baby with me.
I was pressured to take him back he didn’t mean any of the messages he wasn’t going to actually do etc etc
The next time I found messages were emails to female work colleagues talking about nothing really but nothing similar to male work colleagues.
Then he added someone on Twitter she started messaging her seemingly very innocent like saying she was pretty but not making solid plans to meet but equally no mention of a wife and kids. He said that the messages are fantasy, he would never cheat, he was lonely and I was being cold.
God I’m such a mug writing this out but honestly if I had found concrete proof of any wrongdoing I could show him and have strength to leave and stay away.
Fast forward to now, he passed out one evening after too many beers a few weeks ago and I had a quick look at his phone.
New messages to two women in the office. Again seemingly innocent.
He had filmed a video of the empty office and sent it to them and said something along the lines of feeling like nothing will go back to normal for a long time.
Then him and one of the women I’ll call J started a private conversation about how their kids are coping etc. no mention of me being furloughed and at home full time with the children or any mention of her husband.
The other afternoon when he got home from work to go for lunch with me for the first time in months.
I saw him engrossed on his phone and I said ‘texting your girlfriend?’ He just laughed and said ‘you’re mad’ so I asked what her initials were and straight away he said J.
I was gobsmacked that it came out so easily. So I said her full name to him and the colour drained out of his face and he started backtracking. Said I was ruining our afternoon etc.
Last night he went to bed early and left his phone in the drawer in the kitchen like he usually does but came back down and actually hid his phone. It was nowhere to be found.
Again all I know is he has been emailing her. There is no flirting from what I can see but it’s not right is it? I don’t trust him. I’m not even 40 yet, I want out of this. I just know without actual proof of cheating it’s easy being manipulated into thinking it’s innocent.
Our son absolutely adores him and I know will be broken by us splitting up especially if I don't have proof of why I don't want to do this anymore. I feel trapped.
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Stuck without proof
10 replies
comfortablynumb1 · 12/07/2020 22:19
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