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Feeling a little bit stronger (and wiser)(12 Posts)
This might not mean much to anyone but to me I feel strong and in control for once....
I have another thread that outlines some of things that occurred in my relationship with my sons dad, cheating being one of them. I told him to leave my home about maybe 3 or so weeks ago now, I cant really remember, so many times before I've let him back slowly...today however 😊 I cooked a roast and as he was coming by to see our son anyway I set a plate aside for him (no intentions just because why wouldnt i) he came by got the food, picked up some bits, he then asked if he could stay the night on the sofa as he apparently has nowhere to stay.....I said no!
Usually something like me cooking for him is like he has got his foot slightly back in the door and I have also never refused him to stay here. Dont get me wrong I felt a bit bad because it's just not in me to see someone down but I am feeling so in control, and he knows it because he was a bit moody when he left.
I went for the whole no contact thing but it was pretty impossible when we share a child, I know this sounds pathetic to some but I have literally struggled with the back and forth and all the toxic stuff that has come with it and I sort of cant believe it myself that I said no to him.
I have no idea if he was talking out of his arse about having nowhere to stay, but going by the amount of girls he was cheating on me with, it's unlikely at least one of them cant offer him a place to stay.
Anyways I just needed to get that off my chest....😊
That's good, well done on saying no where you wouldn't have before.
But I don't get the putting aside a plate for him in the first place. Why wouldn't you? you say - because he doesn't live there anymore, because you've broken up, because he really doesn't deserve it. Don't cook for him.
@category12 you're right, and maybe I shouldn't have said that and shouldn't have done that for him. I just mean because that who I am as a person and I dont want my son to see me not being kind? I've always done it and actually writing it out makes me realise that should stop too. You are absolutely correct he doesnt live here, we are not together and I owe him nothing.
Well done op.
Regarding the food... my advice, Don't teach your son to be kind to someone who doesn't respect him... women are trained to forgive and be kind because that makes them easier to abuse over and over. You have the opportunity not to ensure that ds doesn't grow up to expect women to pander to him after he has behaved badly. Xx
@rvby thank you and yes I agree, in hindsight, that wasnt a good idea. I've read the advice, taken it on board and will be making further changes, meaning I wont be doing it again....you get to realise something new every day when you have different insight....small victories and all x
There's nothing unkind about having boundaries. You can be civil and kind, without serving him and letting him think he can manipulate you into providing the home comforts. You've made a big step forward today with your no.
Well done op, I'm happy for you, keep it up!
@category12 yes as I've said I am aware of that....just made sense to at the time, now having heard it on here, there was absolutely no reason for me to have done. Thank you 😊
Thanks guys, he done the pick up for school this morning and he didnt say a word to me so he obviously was banking on me saying yes yesterday and when he didnt get what he wanted he wasnt happy 🤣
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