Name changed for this as I have friends on here and no one knows what's really going on.
I'm married with a son I tried for a very long time for and he was conceived after many rounds of ivf. My husband had 2 kids before me and is older than me by almost 10 years. When I met him he said he'd have 1 more as he didn't want to deprive me of being a mother but he would only ever have one. I accepted this and was genuinely ok with it, I never thought I'd have any children so I was grateful to have my boy.
My husband asked if I would be sterilised and I said no. I only have one child and whilst I accept that's all I have I wasn't mentally ready to completely shut that door, I said he has 3 children now and definitely doesn't want anymore so he should get the snip instead. He agreed but, despite my nagging never called the doctor.
Well the unexpected happened and I got pregnant again. I'm due very soon and my husband has been vile.. he's made clear he doesn't want this child and I made it clear I wouldn't be getting rid. I thought maybe he'd come round to the idea but he's dead set on having nothing to do with this baby. Our marriage is over. There is no going back on what's he's done/said to me the last few months.
I can deal with all of the above, I don't need him nor want him anymore. I'll leave with my babies as soon as I can and I'll be fine I have an amazing family and tonnes of support so I'll never struggle. But what it's breaking me and what I absolutely cannot deal with is the idea that he wants to continue to see my eldest son but is refusing to even acknowledge the baby.. so I've said, in anger, that he is either a father to my children or is he not. He will not pick and chose they are his children and he sees them both, or neither at all.
I cannot stand the idea of when both children are older than he comes for one and ignores the other. What do I tell the youngest when that time comes, do I lie and say he doesn't have a daddy? Or do I genuinely stop him seeing both children if he won't acknowledge one?
I haven't told any of my family or friends any of this yet. Because I'm just so ashamed, lockdown has made it very easy to hide away from everyone. I feel so much guilt for bringing a poor child into this but after every thing I've been through I could never of considered abortion (not that I disagree with it at all, it's right for some people).
No matter what I do It'll end in hurt somehow.. it feels like I genuinely cannot win or even find a happy medium.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Do I stop him seeing his son?
hidingfrommyself1 · 11/07/2020 14:12
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