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(16 Posts)
BubblesAndBabys Sat 11-Jul-20 10:24:51

Hi all,

My partner (my daughters dad) has decided he wants to separate.

He has bought a house (3 bedroom house) we initially thought we would be all be moving together but soon as it went through and mortgage accepted a few weeks ago he said he he will be moving alone.. he had this plan all along which I find really upsetting and deceitful . I had been really excited and was planning on decorating our daughters room in the new house so it's all just a shock to me!

He will help pay rent on the house we live in at the moment for 2 months and then I need to find alternative accommodation for me and our 2yr old daughter!!

Any advice for me? I am self employed with a turnover of approx 14k a year before tax!

I haven't claimed any benefits ever so I don't know where to start, but I understand I can't claim until he actually moves out into his own house (which is next month)

Also any advice on how I explain things to my 2.5yr old daughter that daddy won't be here anymore? And they will be two houses she lives in?

OP’s posts: |
IWillNotNameTheTree Sat 11-Jul-20 12:47:31

What a disgusting man.

Did he buy the new house in his name only?

BubblesAndBabys Sat 11-Jul-20 13:49:20


What a disgusting man.

Did he buy the new house in his name only?

Yes he bought the house in his name we thought until the last min that we were all moving in together until he told us he wanted to seperate.


OP’s posts: |
fantasmasgoria1 Sat 11-Jul-20 13:51:02

What a bastard! You should try and get some legal advice if you can. He will have to pay maintenance to you also.

litterbird Sat 11-Jul-20 13:57:06

How bloomin' awful for you and such a shock too. I see that he is your partner, just trying to get the full picture here, had you made it clear that you wanted to get married too and he bailed on that? I see lots and lots of gorgeous women on here who don't marry when having children ( I am one of them) which leaves you un protected in all financial areas in their lives. Just wondering if this was his long term plan, no marriage, once house is bought....leave. I see many threads around this issue. I wish the government would bring in more protection for people co habiting without marriage.

litterbird Sat 11-Jul-20 14:00:28

Sorry forgot to add, my partner and I separated when my daughter was 3, they don't remember anything and I asked my now 22 year old if she did not long ago. Thankfully her father and I get on really well and his now wife and 2 lovely sons, half brothers to my daughter. As for benefits go on line to the government websites and they can give you lots of info and there are also websites where you can calculate how much you can get. I am worried that he will bail again on you with help with the place you live now.

3gingerboys Sat 11-Jul-20 14:34:00

What absolute scum! You need to get some legal advice, lots of solicitors are doing free half hour over video call.You are definitely entitled to maintenance for your daughter, were there any joint bank accounts or joint debts? Unfortunately cohabiting couples do not have the same rights as married couples but worth a free half hour to check your position. Sending you 💐 and a big hug x

bronzedgodesswannabe Sat 11-Jul-20 14:36:13

Oh my god
What a Cunt

No advice but I hope you are ok!

sangrias Sat 11-Jul-20 14:50:55

Deceitful bastard.

You will be able to claim housing benefit, but your landlord may not accept it so that's an area to look in to urgently.

Be prepared to apply for accommodation through the council if landlord won't accept benefit tenants / HB. The assessment process takes a while so best to apply as threatened with homelessness as soon as possible if you're going down that route.

Depending on where you are it may be Universal Credit you need to apply for.

IWillNotNameTheTree Sat 11-Jul-20 15:37:04

Go on, they will give you an accurate estimate of what benefits you may be entitled to. He will have to pay maintenance too.

Tell him to leave now, fuck letting him stay until his new house is ready!

Witchesandwizards Sun 12-Jul-20 02:54:55

What an absolute arse. Who does this? It's as bad as having an affair. maybe even worse. I'm outraged for you.
Get him out now.
You are separating and the house you are living in is now your home.
Sod making life easy for him, and I found getting my ex out of the house made me calmer and a better mum.

Are you close to any of his family?
Do they know? My parents would be mortified if any of us did that.

Ask him how he will deal with 50:50 child custody.
Will his employment enable this?

This is a massive hiccup for my ex - I do not work (he made me move to NZ and work is hard to find) and he does. He balked at 50:50 because, although our children are older and at school, childcare is not as straightforward here as it was in London. He would have to leave work at 2.30pm to do pick ups and then ferry them to sports commitments meaning he can't even WFH. The result is that he has agreed for me to have them 75:25 and he will need to pay more maintenance.

overlooker Sun 12-Jul-20 08:18:12

He’s moving out next month? Don’t think so! After what he’s done, he leaves today! Wake him up and tell him to pack his bags, he’s disgusting behaviour will no longer be tolerated and he’s out today. Why are you letting him stay? What am arsehole. Does he work full time? You’ll be entitled to child maintenance. Are you claiming child benefit? You need to apply for universal credit. Get advice now on what benefits you can apply for.

overlooker Sun 12-Jul-20 08:19:00

overlooker Sun 12-Jul-20 08:19:46

Ring child maintenance and tell them what’s happened. He has initiated a split and you want to claim maintenance

overlooker Sun 12-Jul-20 08:20:28

and tell them to take it directly from his salary. Don’t tell him he’s doing this. Don’t tell him anything at all. After his deceit!

overlooker Sun 12-Jul-20 08:21:49

We all want to read that you’ve made him pack his bags and leave today OP. You’re not running a hotel!

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