It's hard to fit everything in without waffling. But I've got a five year and two year old. When my daughter was the only one she was center of attention, if we went to my mum and dad's or wherever. She was the only child unless my sister's children were around. Then they'd all be treated equally. She was seen as a relaxed chilled baby/ toddler and made my parents happy. They never particularly put much effort in on their part. If you didn't visit them then you didn't see them. It's always been one sided. They are very tidy people. They allowed a few toys out and the kids had snacks given. I always Quickly hoovered the evidence up or my dad would moan about the crumbs in a loud voice. He was only joking but his voice sounds intimidating to a child as they don't understand sarcasm and he doesn't smile until the kids are looking abit worried. He loves them but he's not the best with them. He does try though and he misses them if we don't visit.
When my son came along my daughter changed. She became quiet and refused to talk to grownups. She has no issues at school. She just struggles around me with other adults. unfortunately 2 years on she is yet to speak to my parents still. It has been frustrating. But they react wrong. I've told them time and time again what she needs. She needs time with them. They need to sit and colour with her. Talk to her with a calmer voice. Take her for a walk. But it's fallen on deaf ears. My mum especially has decided numerous things over the last two years. I've watched them say things to her brother like you can have an ice cream but she can't. Or he will be able to talk before you. The biggest problem is their faces. If only they could see how they look. They look angry. They look sarcastic. They give me a vibe they don't like her because of it. Especially my mum. Sometimes she shows signs of understanding but she soon forgets.
My mum's actually in hospital at the moment and it's really hard to feel annoyed at her. I've taken the kids around a few times before she went in 2 weeks ago and I've been to check on my dad.
I'm not making excuses but they get bored up there. Neither of my parents particularly play. They have a small amount of toys in the wardrobe. Nothing suitable for my daughter. A babies toy telephone and a shape sorter and two toddler vehicles. They have never thought about getting something for my daughters age. They say they have no room for anything else. I take toys up and they don't show interest. So the kids are excited to show them the game or whatever but they don't seem interested in having a quick play.
This results in them being "feral". They actually are not being "feral" to most people I doubt but my parents seem to be judging my parenting as lately, they say they are naughty. They end up wanting to go outside as the bungalow is boring. They go outside. Two year old wants the watering can. 5 year old helps. Sometimes my dad lets them water things. But then the two year old wants another can of water and gets upset. I have to make sure the ball doesn't go on the vegetables or the flowers. Not easy! So they get moaned at for that. Then they start giggling and running about together. Or they start playing with the sofa cushions inside. There's literally no safe way a toddler can be there at the moment. But my parents don't see it that way. They say my kids are naughty. They say I've got no control over them. I must admit when I was telling them to calm down and stop doing all the above they were ignoring me. I did have to get my oldest to sit down and tell her if she doesnt behave we'd be going home. I tell her that she needs to help her brother learn to behave.
Called my mum up yesterday in hospital (bone injury) told her how hard things were and getting on with things was impossible. Told her I was fed up at home. She said well I was always ok when you was kids. But your kids are much naughtier than you were. She also said to me last week that it's the parents fault not the kids. She said it with abit of humour last week. But I'm starting to get abit pissed off.
They are not naughty they are just energetic and bored. Definitely slightly cheekier than I was too. But when I look back on me and my sister being little we were always warned. I remember my dad saying make sure you sit down and behave at my nans. We used to sit in the chair and barely move. We were allowed out in the garden. Yeah we were better behaved but we were also about 6//7/8 ish with these memories. I remember well that we didn't mess about. My children definitely mess about. But they also are funny, clever, and have different interests when you get to know them. The sad thing is me and my sister both grew up with minimal confidence and nothing that good came out of it. Infact being told to sit and behave taught me not to relax at parties. So I never get up to dance at family get togethers or anything. I am reserved and have always watched other women dance with confidence or just mix with confidence. Perhaps they were not told to sit and behave?
I feel sad really that my kids are naughty for not sitting in a chair calm. I've been stewing over it the last two days and I'm worried I've gone wrong and they are right.
What do you think? Sorry it's long.
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Relationships
My mum's comments towards my kids.
Melonslicexx · 11/07/2020 07:20
First of all 
and 
.
I read your post and honestly what it sounded like is you were patented a generation ago and things have changed.
Take the focus off what your parents think and try to focus on what you want to teach your kids and what concerns, if any, you have about your kids.
I don't think your kids sound naughty, I think your parents sound too strict.
Deep breath op I think you know deep down it's your parents who are in the wrong. It's just a shame how they have behaved with your children considering how they could have been. and 
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This is very sad to read. My childhood was a bit similar. Please don't let them abuse your daughter in this way. Giving one kid an ice cream and not another?! 
she will remember this. She needs to see you protecting her from this.
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