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Diabetic husband called me vile things during hypo

(98 Posts)
rosesarepink2 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:17:49

Husband is type 1 diabetic. The other day he had a hypo, and behaved like a drunk person. He shouted at me and called me a stupid ugly bitch, fugly, a cunt, fat, an idiot. And more I can't remember.

After his blood sugars went up he said he can't remember what was said and he wasn't in control of it. But should I just let it slide because of that? I think the ugly part hurt the most. I appreciate this is something many won't have experienced but I wondered how others would deal with the aftermath of this?

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Fri 10-Jul-20 20:21:48

If he had just shouted and sworn that would have been one thing but calling you derogatory names...I don't think I could forgive that.

I'd be wondering if he was actually just abusive and using this as an excuse.

And either way, what about the next time? And the next?

No thanks.

erised24 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:23:13

Yes, you should let it slide. I grew up with a diabetic grandfather who often had hypos and said the worst things, they cannot control what they do or say and won't remember anything after. It's really not his fault. It'd be like blaming someone with tourettes for shouting things, it can't be controlled.

Sharpandshineyteeth Fri 10-Jul-20 20:23:30

My friend had a hypo and tried to physically fight the paramedics. This is not like her at all and she was utterly ashamed. I think you should let it slide tbh.

RiverCrossing Fri 10-Jul-20 20:24:08

My best friend is type 1 and assured me that not remembering hypos is a very definite thing that does happen. She says that when she is hypo her brain is working so hard at sending oxygen to the crucial parts that things like communication and social skills can shut down because they aren’t essential. It’s probably worth mentioning from my point of view that she can be really snappy when her sugars are low and it’s taken me years of friendship to be sure that she’s not actually mad at me. Have you got much experience seeing your husband with really low sugars? The words sound awfully hurtful but I do think it likely was just the hypo speaking, not him.

SirGawain Fri 10-Jul-20 20:26:12

This kind of behavior is not uncommon when Diabetics have a Hypo, they really can't help it. You just need to let it go, it's not his fault and has no bearing on his feelingsabout you. Is this the first time it's happend?
When he starts to show the symptoms you need to get sugar into him fast a sugary drink, chocolate bar, glucose tablets, jam, anything to restore the insulin balance.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon Fri 10-Jul-20 20:27:07

He was acting drunk with a hypo because a hypo makes you act drunk - your brain is literally being starved

People can behave very very strangley when having a hypo, hes right its unlikely he will remember it and wont have known what he was doing

SirGawain Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoulofanAggron Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:32

If it's genuinely only occasionally when he has a hypo, and he treats you ok the rest of the time, then it's most likely his illness and hopefully will be rare.

How does he treat you in general?

Malpki Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:47

Let it slide. Type 1 hypos are awful, and not by choice.

peoplearepeople Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:50

Yes. You need to let this slide, and perhaps learn more about type 1 diabetes. Your husband had no control at all over what he was saying. It's also not like being drunk when often your "real thoughts" come out.
You'll need to learn not to take any of what he said personally at all and just quickly help him when you spot the signs that he's going hypo.

Pipandmum Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:56

I'm type 1. I've had bad typos where I get confused and can not process things, and when pregnant I went in to a coma. But I never swore or called anyone names. I just sort of flake out.
I guess it can affect people differently. I suppose it can be like when you are really drunk - but I would have a frank conversation with him nevertheless.

BabyLlamaZen Fri 10-Jul-20 20:30:57

That must've been so upsetting op, I'm so sorry. I dont have enough info to comment I'm afraid.

SettingUp792 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:31:00

You have to let this go, my son tried to attack me with a lamp during a bad hypo. The paramedics were called that time ( teenager). There is a change in the brain and they are not responsible at all for their actions. If you punish him in any way you would be being unfair. And don't think he thinks these things subconsciously about you. He probably wasn't aware of his own name through it. He doesn't secretly think you're ugly. Honestly.

SettingUp792 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:31:48

I am sorry though, it can be very, very distressing xxx

Destroyedpeople Fri 10-Jul-20 20:32:05

I don't think people with an imbalance like that in their brain are responsible for what they do or say tbh. Must be hard though.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Fri 10-Jul-20 20:33:45

My BiL has had many hypos through the years (thankfully he's under a much better regimen in the last few years) and he behaves very aggressively to my sister and to paramedics, nursing staff etc. He is the sweetest most mild mannered man and is horrified when told what he's said.

It must have been very upsetting for you to hear but please don't take it to heart - your husband won't have meant a word of it.

dgirluk Fri 10-Jul-20 20:36:06

Are you married to my XH!

But on a serious note, he would get similar - I remember him threatening to rip the arms and legs off the paramedic and beat them to death with the bloody stumps.. usually his anger was directed at me though.

But you can't think that they're in their right mind at all when this is happening. It's really hard to deal with for you because you remember it all, and it's hurtful. Plus there's the worry when it happens. In a well managed T1 diabetic it shouldn't happen often (hardly ever), but does happen sometimes.

Do a bit of reading and learning about signs to look for, generally about T1 diabetes, and how to manage it.

In my case I think it amplified his natural tendencies, but I still never held against him what happened in a hypo - it's just not fair. Really really difficult though, not to take it personally !!!!

SettingUp792 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:36:21

@SirGawain

Did you quote the wrong comment?

erised24 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:36:24

@SirGawain what? How is what I said any different to what everyone else is saying?

Batqueen Fri 10-Jul-20 20:37:37

Hi, I’m a T1. I’m lucky that I’m usually quite fun when hypo, I just get giggly and act tipsy

It’s like someone being a horrible drunk. Except that if you are a horrible drunk you can choose never to drink again. You can’t choose never to be hypo again, you can try your best to prevent it but it’s not a guarantee.

I remember on one occasion I told my dp to pull his head out of his arse and stop being so stupid. I would never say something like that normally. The fact that I remember it shows that I can’t have been in as bad a condition as your husband. I know I often feel a massive rage towards him because he doesn’t instantly realise that I’m struggling and at that moment to me it should be obvious and am impaired, but as he says when 99% of the time I’m fine why would he? Also, I will feel annoyed if someone questions me of my sugars are ok when I know I’m fine (and that’s when I have full capacity).

I feel for you OP but likewise your husband has a genuine reason for why he would do this.

rwalker Fri 10-Jul-20 20:37:44

Woman in team meeting came out with the foulest rant about a guy when having a hypo con't tell you enough how much that was out of charater .
She couldn't remember it and was mortified never even swears at work.

be very careful how you challenge this as college really struggled and worried about it happening again and being out of control really knocked her.

Oblomov20 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:38:58

Type 1 since a baby, and let me assure you that the pp who said not to let it slide is completely ignorant.

I'm ashamed at many of the things I've done when hypo. I'm nasty, said nasty things, I've had 2 ambulance men unable to restrain me because I'm so strong, yet I'm a 5ft3 weakling normally.

If you had any idea what damage is done to tell brain during hypo. It's starved of both sugar and oxygen and every severe hypo does a tiny tiny bit of brain damage.

If your husband is normally a good man, please dismiss this without a second thought.

litterbird Fri 10-Jul-20 20:39:13

How upsetting and frightening for you , I am sorry. I work for an airline and we are trained to spot these episodes. I have been witness to several and the verbal abuse that can come out to strangers or those close to them and have also witnessed the physical attacks that can occur. Please realise that they do not remember what they say or how they act. I can sympathise completely how you must feel as just witnessing this as a bystander is difficult enough but to be close to someone and hearing this said to you must be gut wrenching. He doesn't mean what he says.

Raffleyourdoughnut Fri 10-Jul-20 20:39:42

My father has type 1 diabetes. Following a particularly nasty hypo where he punched my mother for trying to help him and called her disgusting names, I spoke with his consultant at the hospital.

His consultant was clear his behaviour eg the aggression was not within his control due to his brain misfiring. However the verbal abuse was not likely caused by the hypo as verbal skills are not generally affected.

May be not all diabetics are the same but we know what my fathers behaviour is like having a hypo and what he chooses to say during that time.

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