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My continuing journey over abuse!(1 Post)
I’ve been feeling different lately in my journey and I’m not sure if this is because I’ve moved forward....what do you think?
Before I was very VERY anxious and angry. I’m a lot less anxious and the anger has really dissipated, it’s burnt out. I was I realised very scared at how it all happened and scared at the fact I did not recognise myself in my memories. I could not believe how I got to be that women. How did I get to be the women crying in the corner so convinced she was damaged beyond repair, so desperate for her husbands love. I really do feel like I’ve come off drugs and looking back at the devastation in the wake.
I am not a weak women, my identity is not a depressed women crying in the bath desperate for her husband to love her damaged soul. I was manipulated into believing that!
All the mind bending guilt I had for him after I left has gone and replaced with pity.
Absolutely no one ever will treat me the way he has. I will not treat myself like that again.
I have a lot to resolve. This bloody PTSD, I don’t want it but the trauma is stuck in my body. I’m hoping over time as new life is led that this will slowly disappear and I’m working on it. I also need a career. I work part time in a minimum wage job (there is nothing wrong with this) but it is not enough for me. I took it because at the time it was all I could mentally deal with and he made me work. I want more from life now I’m not so scared of it. It’s unbelievable how scared he made me of the world outside the house walls, he physically locked me inside and planted fear in my brain about other men and people.
I have been speaking to a man down my street. He is a bit young for me,30 and I’m 37. But he is showing me a different kind of man, it’s amazing. I’ve been sadly missing out and I won’t spend anymore time on my husband.
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