That's it really.
I've never had a good relationship. I've never been loved. I've ended most of my relationships after a few months at most because they weren't right.
Around 10 years ago, I split up from my husband- a loveless, sexless, emotionally barren relationship that was emotionally abusive much of the time and a relationship that should never have happened and only did so for all the wrong reasons.
Since then, I've been on around a dozen first dates. Some of them became second dates. Three of them became short flings of around 4 or 5 months that I ended for various reasons.
And then I decided that I wasn't going to bother anymore.
I had friends and a social life and it was nice. I became totally disillusioned by the number of married/attached men who made a play for me and felt I'd made the right decision.
But, I'm only human and a few months ago I got talking to a friend of a friend who've I'd fancied for a couple of years. He asked me out and we've been seeing each other exclusively ever since.
But it's not right and, although I'm very reluctant to do so, I know I need to end it. I know that the advice would be to end it.
It's just so hard. I'm 45 and I've never been loved or cherished. I've never been valued or respected. I've never been anyone's priority. I've never been in a relationship with someone who felt lucky to be with me or proud to be seen with me. No one has ever fallen in love with me.
I just feel so sad and so empty and I keep putting off ending it because I don't really want to. I dont want another relationship to end like this and because I don't want to have to accept that it's just never going to happen.
And I like him. But I know it's not right.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I've just had enough now
ThisIsJustReallyShitNow · 09/07/2020 22:30
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