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Am I being too sensitive re his ex-wife?

(8 Posts)
JustResting Thu 09-Jul-20 12:26:59

I think I know the answer but it would help to hear from outsiders.

On Mother’s Day, I made a remark to my boyfriend about me having been a mum for X years. He texted his ex-wife to say “Congratulations for being a mum for X years”.

The other day was his DS’s 21st. As we were apart, I sent my boyfriend a text saying congratulations “for being a dad for 21 years, you’ve done a great job” (he had a difficult time with depression when son was born). After saying to me how touched he was by my thoughts, he texted his ex-wife saying congratulations for being a mum blah blah. He showed me a part of the thread as she sent him a photo of the three of them just after the birth (which I thought was sweet).

I don’t know why it bugs me so much. Maybe because I was expressing a genuine sentiment which I assumed as intimate to us, but it’s like he’s picked up my words and passed them on. I don’t mind them having contact - they divorced years and years ago and their DCs are all grown up now. But there was something annoying about his doing this.

Argh! I know you will tell me I’m too sensitive.

OP’s posts: |
JustResting Thu 09-Jul-20 12:28:42

Hmm maybe I should add that the two of us have no parents and our folks died when we were relatively young - which is partly why I acknowledged these days. Maybe that’s why I’m so sensitive about Mother’s Day, etc.

OP’s posts: |
megrichardson Thu 09-Jul-20 12:28:58

It is rather annoying the way he might not have thought of saying it if you hadn't said it first, but on the other hand it shows he's a pretty decent sort if he is on good terms with his ex.

Tinamou Thu 09-Jul-20 12:42:07

He's not being very imaginative to use exactly the same words, but to look on the bright side, it means that your words made him feel really good and he wanted to pass on that feeling.

JorisBonson Thu 09-Jul-20 12:46:12

My very divorced parents are the same. They spent 20 years of their lives together and had 2 children. Doesn't mean they're still in love (they're definitely not)

JustResting Thu 09-Jul-20 13:15:18

Thanks... it’s not the fact he got in touch that annoyed me, it was the way in which he used my exact words! Yes, I guess it’s a lack of imagination & how he passed them off as his own that irritated me. Yeah maybe I should look on the bright side and consider that he was spreading the joy.

OP’s posts: |
DameHannahRelf Thu 09-Jul-20 13:35:23

My first thought was I would be annoyed at being copied too, but at the same time it does sound like what you said to him, made him feel happy and appreciated, and he wanted to pass that on, to someone who he's maybe aware doesn't hear it very often?

I always try to make an effort to congratulate/praise my ex, because I'm aware that his relationship with his family is strained, and he can be very private with friends, and it's hard to see someone really trying, and that not being acknowledged.

Could you point out it's nice that he liked what you said so much, he "quoted" you, but what would be even nicer, is if he put things in his own, more personalised words, even if the sentiment is the same?

Cat112344 Thu 09-Jul-20 13:47:42

Honestly, he sounds like a lovely man... he used your words that imo show he isn’t very imaginative 😁 the fact he’s sent that to the mother of his children shows he has great respect for her (which every man should!).

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