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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH buying flowers for another

116 replies

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 09:56

DH occassionally buys flowers for his PT. You know, like, to thank her for a session, on her birthday, and when she experienced some trauma. He's known her a few years, but I don't know her at all. While it's nice, yeah, for her, to receive flowers, I kind of feel that it makes me not special, being his wife. Am I being princessy by feeling this way? Also, I can't recall him buying flowers for any other women other than his relatives and for me, so now I'm wondering if he's attracted to her.
Please, please can you tell me if I'm over-reacting or not? I've been married so long (25 years) I can't tell what is ok and what is not anymore .

OP posts:

Report

Pjsallday · 09/07/2020 10:09

Do how many bunches over the years would you say? Do they know each other quite well?

FunTimes2020 · 09/07/2020 10:19

What is a PT? Physiotherapist?

pomdownunder1 · 09/07/2020 10:21

@FunTimes2020

What is a PT? Physiotherapist?

Personal trainer

pomdownunder1 · 09/07/2020 10:23

And for the record, yes I'd think it was very strange if my husband started to do that. Are they very close? Is he a very giving/thoughtful person naturally?

frazzledasarock · 09/07/2020 10:24

What is PT? Personal trainer, Physio, permanent tan..?

I'd be unimpressed if my DP was buying flowers for someone who was doing their job and he was paying them anyway.

Does he also give flowers to the baristas at his regular coffee shop, the receptionist at work, the post man, the bin men etc?

Joker123 · 09/07/2020 10:24

Not cool really. Especially considering he doesn’t bring you a bunch home.

Kisskiss · 09/07/2020 10:25

I’d find it a bit weird. I think if I was his PT and receiving flowers Id also find it a bit weird... it probably doesn’t mean anything to him and men often do things about thinking.. but maybe give him a little nudge and say you’re not the biggest fan!

TomNook · 09/07/2020 10:25

He really doesn’t need to do that.

frizzyhairy · 09/07/2020 10:27

Who the fuck buys their gym instructor flowers?!

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 10:29

@pomdownunder1

And for the record, yes I'd think it was very strange if my husband started to do that. Are they very close? Is he a very giving/thoughtful person naturally?

He is quite a giving person naturally, yeah. It's just I thought he'd have more sense than to buy flowers for a woman as this can be misinterpreted. He could've bought her some biscuits or something, surely?

OP posts:

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:30

Her birthday or traumatic events seems pretty normal - thinking of it as a work relationship, we do that at our workplace, it's just nice, isn't it?

Not sure about just for a session, maybe she'd prefer a tip.

If you think something else is going on, I'd sit with it and maybe do something unexpected like asking to join for a session or something. I wouldn't dismiss any gut feeling you have, but not sure flowers are the actual reason for it.

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:32

I'd suggest she'd probably prefer a tip. See how he reacts.

hopingtobedally · 09/07/2020 10:33

Sounds like a creep

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 10:34

@frazzledasarock

What is PT? Personal trainer, Physio, permanent tan..?

I'd be unimpressed if my DP was buying flowers for someone who was doing their job and he was paying them anyway.

Does he also give flowers to the baristas at his regular coffee shop, the receptionist at work, the post man, the bin men etc?

Despite being worried, this post made me laugh out loud so thanks frazzled!
Good point that she's just doing her job and he's paying her, so why does he think she need flowers? I'm working myself up again now

OP posts:

Cheeseandwin5 · 09/07/2020 10:35

If its Birthdays and trauma events and by the looks of it she is a friend than I wouldn't worry about it.
I dont think giving a PT biscuits / chocolates would be in order.
Saying that I hope he buys you flowers too

Crystalspider · 09/07/2020 10:37

It's not normal, they get paid!
I think he has a crush on her, if it was a male PT surely he wouldn't buy gifts.
You're right too feel worried but hopefully the PT doesn't fancy him back and probably feels a bit embarrassed.

HollowTalk · 09/07/2020 10:37

How many traumas does she have? Why is she talking to him about them?

mindutopia · 09/07/2020 10:37

I would feel quite uncomfortable if a male client of mine bought be flowers on a semi-regular basis. It's a bit creepy unless you're very old friends (beyond just the professional relationship).

Honeyroar · 09/07/2020 10:39

I think giving a present at Xmas is acceptable. I’d certainly give my French teacher a card or flowers if she was having a hard time as she’s become like a friend.

I think if your husband is sending her a lot of flowers it’s perhaps a bit much. If I were him I’d get you a bunch as well when he bought them for her.

PAND0RA · 09/07/2020 10:40

It’s weird. It’s making a professional relationship personal.

How much does he spend on PT fees? I hope you also have spare cash to treat yourself .

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 09/07/2020 10:40

@frizzyhairy

Who the fuck buys their gym instructor flowers?!

I go on holiday with mine

(male).

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:41

How many traumas does she have? Why is she talking to him about them? It depends on the scenario, doesn't it?

She might have cancelled a booking because of a bereavement. It would be perfectly appropriate to send flowers.

She might be crying on his shoulder about a bad breakup. Sending flowers would not be appropriate.

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sweetbirdofjuice · 09/07/2020 10:42

Ermm... i think I would look maybe at the amount of effort/ expenditure too- there are flowers from Tesco and flowers as in an exquisite hand tied bouquet.

I would say a nice bunch of supermarket flowers for a traumatic event would be appropriate, a birthday or if she helped him achieve a big weight loss goal if they've been working together a while but any more than that could be misinterpreted.

Is it just the flowers that are concerning you or any other unusual behaviour?

yellowfishestoyou · 09/07/2020 10:44

Christ can't people buy flowers for someone on a special occasion or to cheer someone up? You wouldn't feel threatened if he was buying flowers for a bloke. They are one offs and I think it's lovely. Does he buy you flowers to cheer you up or on birthdays?

sweetbirdofjuice · 09/07/2020 10:46

How many traumas does she have? Why is she talking to him about them? It depends on the scenario, doesn't it?

Agree with this, by traumatic event, I am thinking of a close bereavement or taking time off due to a serious health problem or accident as appropriate, not a relationship split.

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