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I'm dating a guy scared of commitment...what do I do?

(66 Posts)
slouchytee Thu 09-Jul-20 09:00:09

We met and for the first two months he was great.
I had no concerns.
Then he backed away saying I was becoming "too coupley for him"
He started texting less and being distant.
When I asked why ..he said it was getting too much so he was backing away.
Then I back off and he comes back.
Now we were ok for a bit then randomly he said I was getting "too full on " again so now he's backed off again.
Few words texts,not ringing me
I know soon as I stop texting he will be flooding me with attention.
It's exhausting
What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
Dinosforall Thu 09-Jul-20 09:01:38

I would dump him.

763freedom Thu 09-Jul-20 09:03:09

I would move on - he's not behaving like a grown up and you deserve lots better flowers

pippakins Thu 09-Jul-20 09:03:17

I would cut your losses now - it won't change and it will only get harder for you. You are worth more than this.

TeddyIsaHe Thu 09-Jul-20 09:04:36

He’s not scared of commitment, he just doesn’t want to be with you. Sorry to be blunt!

Block and delete him. He’s never going to be into you in the way you want. It will suck for a couple of weeks and then you’ll be fine. Don’t let some little twerp play games with you.

Kabakofte Thu 09-Jul-20 09:04:51

This should be the best time, not exhausting and having to second guess what's happening. He's making sure he is giving himself a get out clause incase something better turns up but also keeping the door open incase that doesn't happen too soon. Dump him, it's not going to get any better!!

TeddyBeans Thu 09-Jul-20 09:05:05

Time to move on

Topseyt Thu 09-Jul-20 09:07:40

Dump him. He is stringing you along here but has no intention of changing.

Fanthorpe Thu 09-Jul-20 09:07:57

He’s playing with you, and anyone who does that isn’t worth your time. In or out. Nice men don’t do this.

peppermintteadrinker Thu 09-Jul-20 09:08:51

Commitment phobe are exhausting.

Two months in then yes, walking away is good advice. If you can't then think carefully.

question why you feel you can't or don't want to. Commitment phobes are usually avoidant types and attract the opposite anxious types and you get locked into a roller-coaster which isn't healthy.

The only solution other than walking away is to talk about your needs and he talks about his needs and you try and move forward with understanding. I don't imagine this works very often though.

One thing I realised from my relationship with a commitment phobe was that it isn't about what I'm doing. It isn't about whether I want "commitment" like moving in together or aiming for marriage or whatever (I don't). It's entirely about how they feel about themselves. And by extension, how they feel about being in a relationship. Low self esteem on my exes part.

MrsCatkins Thu 09-Jul-20 09:09:11

Look up avoidant attachment...that'll be him. I would definitely dump him or this cycle of push/pull will continue for a long time!

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 09-Jul-20 09:09:46

Block and delete him. He is not going to change.

Raella50 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:12:15

If someone told me I was too full on I would walk away, then and there. This is not your match. Do not listen to anything further.

Foreverlexicon Thu 09-Jul-20 09:15:45

Move on.

My OH is a self proclaimed commitment phobe but she didn’t do this. She freaked when after about 5 months I wanted/needed to know if we were actually a couple and I ended up backing off (and we rekindled it and made it official a few months later) but she didn’t push me away like this because she is into me.

Queenoftheashes Thu 09-Jul-20 09:21:34

Obviously you bin him, as everyone said

iano Thu 09-Jul-20 09:25:12

Dump him. He's not worth investing any more time in

Tinamou Thu 09-Jul-20 09:28:52

Who knows whether this is a tactic to give him the upper hand, or if he really is so emotionally stunted that he can't cope with being part of a couple. Either way, dump him.

flight2020 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:37:41

You both like each other or neither would be there but you are both on different pages , regardless of if he's scared of commitment itself or committing with you , you both want different things and he's not helping your confidence by this push pull relationship, if you have been straight about what you are wanting from this and he's obviously either not being straight or has changed his mind over what he actually wants , either way move on and find someone who is on the same page as you are , life's to short to waste on mind games intentional or not

AnaViaSalamanca Thu 09-Jul-20 09:38:43

You should end it, and find someone who wants committment, and in the meantime you read "mr unavailable and the fallback girl"

Onestepup Thu 09-Jul-20 09:39:48

LTB

BettyCrockaShit Thu 09-Jul-20 09:41:40

It's another call for 'get rid' from me. Who has the time for all this is-he-isn't-he?

PinkMonkeyBird Thu 09-Jul-20 09:46:06

Don't waste your time. Dump him.

Glitterb Thu 09-Jul-20 09:47:18

Move on, it will end badly.

I did this for 3 years and the only person who got hurt was me.

Fidgety31 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:51:25

I would end it. I’ve been with someone like this for four years and it is such hard work - all on my part. It is mentally exhausting and not much fun.

FetchezLaVache Thu 09-Jul-20 09:57:07

He's telling you loud and clear who he is. If you want to have a relationship as opposed to some exhausting, juvenile game you don't even know the rules to, just block this fucker on everything and move on. He hasn't treated you nicely enough to deserve an explanation.

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