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Like wtf! Totally confused and dont get it!

(88 Posts)
Astonsmum1 Wed 08-Jul-20 18:27:22

Hey guys, so I've started the world of online dating about 4 weeks ago, was talking to this guy for the past 4 weeks, we met up last week for the first time, great first date, then had our 2nd lastnight, also a great date. He stayed at mine, w laughing all the time, conversation never gets boring, he always texts me first and phones me, sometimes a few times a day, I made a point of thinking nope I'm not being full on and doing the chasing cause it never gets me anywhere. He says I'm great that he loves my company, then when he goes home today after being at mine and after giving me a huge kiss and cuddle before leaving and saying I'll see you friday, he tells me he doesnt think we have a future even though he really likes me etc, it just doesnt feel right. Like wtf??!!! So I spoke to him and was like I'm just taking things a day at a time, how can you tell after 2 dates and especially if you're saying that you actually like me and like spending time with me, he was just like I dont think you're the one for me. So I was like listen ok not begging you, I'm the kind of person that takes risks and chances and I believed that the way things were going was positive. I just dont get how after 2 great dates he can think that way?? See if we didnt get on and there were awkward silences ok I could get it, but I just dont get this and I'm confused as hell. He said hes going to text me later after hes thought about things. He said he still wants to see me etc he just doesnt think I'm the one. Does this make any sense to anyone cause I have gone from a total high to a total low now and questioning everything and my behaviour, when he is the one who like I said texts me all the time, phones me, told his family about me, told his friends about me, so what the hell.have I done? Please be kind I'm fragile smile. Xx

OP’s posts: |
GreenTulips Wed 08-Jul-20 18:32:27

Nothing. He wanted a shag. He got one.

Move on and don’t even think about it anymore.

VettiyaIruken Wed 08-Jul-20 18:35:24

Assuming when you say he stayed the night, that you slept with him then yeah, he got the shag.
He's trying to keep you a bit sweet in case he wants another go.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo Wed 08-Jul-20 18:38:16

He’s managing your expectations, all he’s really up for is casual shagging and doesn’t want you to expect any more. Shame he was too dishonest to tell you first, but he probably thought you might not be down for it if he did. Low value male, I’d bin him.

Natureotter Wed 08-Jul-20 18:39:12

He’s a user op. Says all the right things, gets what he wants and moves on. He doesn’t want a relationship with you, that’s clear. It’s nothing you have done, you are way too good for him.
If you let him use you and you cling on for scraps of his attention your self esteem will hit the floor and it’s very hard to build yourself back up once that happens.
Block him on everything and get back out there.
Don’t try and show case your worth to a man who will never see it. Don’t ask him for another date. His loss. Do better, you can do so much better.

TwentyViginti Wed 08-Jul-20 18:40:39

He's keeping you dangling but making sure you know he's not exclusive and will shag others. He may also be saying you're not the one so you turn yourself inside out to prove to him that you ARE the one.

Dump.

FetchezLaVache Wed 08-Jul-20 18:41:37

If you continue seeing him, he will treat you badly and always use 'but I told you from the off I didn't think you were the one' as justification. You haven't done anything, he's just an arsehole. Don't bother seeing him again unless you're up for a FWB arrangement.

justanotherone123 Wed 08-Jul-20 18:42:18

As everyone has already said. He slept with you and that's what he wanted. Next time hold out a lot longer. Men like the thrill of the chase.

footprintsintheslow Wed 08-Jul-20 18:43:02

Instead of begging which you are doing in a roundabout way just take the bull by the horns and bin him off. You can do better than this.

BlogItRon Wed 08-Jul-20 18:43:45

Yeah. Sex. That's it. That's al he wanted and he got it. Sorry OP

Plumplumbadum Wed 08-Jul-20 18:44:49

VettiyaIruken

Assuming when you say he stayed the night, that you slept with him then yeah, he got the shag.
He's trying to keep you a bit sweet in case he wants another go.

Absolutely this!

Michaelbaubles Wed 08-Jul-20 18:45:29

You didn’t want to beg him but that’s basically what you ended up doing! You can’t say you’re taking one day at a time and then plead with him to consider you a long term prospect. However, that’s nothing to do with how he’s behaved. He was soft soaping you to get you into bed and it worked. Age old story.

MrsGrindah Wed 08-Jul-20 18:46:45

I’m sorry but he totally played you. It’s not your fault. Just move on

RantyAnty Wed 08-Jul-20 18:49:14

That's the problem with talking with someone for 4 weeks or long periods of time before meeting. They have all that time to work on you pretending to be what you want so they can get you into bed on the 1st or 2nd date.

Men are liars. You were being sincere. He was being a lying con artist to get you into bed.

Delete and block

Bodgedboxdye Wed 08-Jul-20 18:50:02

Bob him off.

You don’t want someone in your life who’s already saying you’re not the one.

You want someone that can see a future with you, wants to spend the night not just for the sex, to get to know you and what not.

If he texts, don’t beg, say thanks and you wish him well and leave it at that.

Xx

IncrediblySadToo Wed 08-Jul-20 18:50:03

(I'm amazed anyone is meeting strangers & shagging them at the moment. Were you not worried about CV?)

Depends what you want out of it though, good few nights out and a decent shag (assume it was decent anyway) then carry on (With condones obviously - I doubt it'll be exclusive).

If you're looking for more then just casual bin him off. He's not relationship material.

merryhouse Wed 08-Jul-20 18:51:18

justanotherone123

As everyone has already said. He slept with you and that's what he wanted. Next time hold out a lot longer. Men like the thrill of the chase.

Nooooo that's no good at all! (a) it's a waste of your time and (b) you'll be much more emotionally invested and take it harder.

marchez Wed 08-Jul-20 18:53:27

IncrediblySadToo

(I'm amazed anyone is meeting strangers & shagging them at the moment. Were you not worried about CV?)

Depends what you want out of it though, good few nights out and a decent shag (assume it was decent anyway) then carry on (With condones obviously - I doubt it'll be exclusive).

If you're looking for more then just casual bin him off. He's not relationship material.

Finally someone said it.

Is there no social distancing etc going on anymore?? Or does it not apply if you fancy a shag??

user135664323455 Wed 08-Jul-20 18:53:52

So I was like listen ok not begging you, I'm the kind of person that takes risks and chances

It still sounds like begging tbh.

Your post is quite full on. It reads like you didn't even pause for breath.

You talked online for 4 weeks so you felt like you knew his persona. You got over invested. But you only met him twice. Why chase someone you only met twice?

Windmillwhirl Wed 08-Jul-20 18:54:02

Dint be fooled by the laughs etc. Men will do the work needed to get a woman into bed.

He has been very clear that he's not that interested. I wouldn't reply to him again if I were you. He is not even trying to impress you - he's giving you the brush off.

Dont settle for this

gotothecooler Wed 08-Jul-20 19:00:01

IncrediblySadToo

(I'm amazed anyone is meeting strangers & shagging them at the moment. Were you not worried about CV?)

Depends what you want out of it though, good few nights out and a decent shag (assume it was decent anyway) then carry on (With condones obviously - I doubt it'll be exclusive).

If you're looking for more then just casual bin him off. He's not relationship material.



This ^

Stupidly dangerous to meet someone online and have them stay over when you have only spoken to them for 4 weeks at the best of times, but now? Jesus Christ.

OP I'm sorry he played you but you made it very easy for him.

rvby Wed 08-Jul-20 19:03:29

Women like to say "he used you" but that isn't a real thing, ime.

He had sex with you/fooled around a bit, he didnt feel the chemistry he wanted, and so he is ending it. No point him pursuing a relationship with someone with whom he doesn't have the right sexual feelings.

No ones fault. Let him go. He doesn't have to explain to you why he doesn't want to see you anymore- what is he meant to say? "The shag was nice but not something I want to do again"? You'd be on here calling him cruel. So, he is trying to be polite. Let him.

billy1966 Wed 08-Jul-20 19:04:46

Block.
Could he be more of a user.
If you see him again he will think so little of you for actually putting up with his bullshit.
flowers

Onemansoapopera Wed 08-Jul-20 19:08:15

I think he's been very honest and upfront. Sex isn't a contract. You like to take risks he doesn't see you as the one. That's that really. He's done nothing wrong.

justanotherone123 Wed 08-Jul-20 19:17:39

justanotherone123
As everyone has already said. He slept with you and that's what he wanted. Next time hold out a lot longer. Men like the thrill of the chase. 
Nooooo that's no good at all! (a) it's a waste of your time and (b) you'll be much more emotionally invested and take it harder.

Sorry didn't word my original reply properly. I didnt mean next time with this guy. I meant next guy you date.

You'll find someone nicer who appreciates you and treats you right. I know it's painful this time but try to forget him. He's not worth it x

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