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I told my guy friend his girlfriend was cheating on him...

(17 Posts)
jasminepeony Wed 08-Jul-20 14:32:15

Now he wants nothing to do with me. I thought I was doing the right thing because he was telling me of his plans to propose to her and I couldn't let him continue seeing her without him knowing the truth. We'd been best friends for years and now he has shut me out of his life, telling me how I was always jealous of her. All of our mutual friends have now turned against me too.

I had proof she was cheating for months (messages, photos, the whole lot) but he didn't want to see any of it.

Apparently he did confront her after I told him. She ended up convincing him that she only "emotionally cheated" and she gave him this sob story about how she was depressed she didn't mean it and now he's forgiven her and they're carrying on as normal.

They've all painted me out to be this villain, saying that I was wrong for saying anything. It sucks because she doesn't really love him (she said so in the messages) and he's going to end up hurt. But I've lost him and all my friends now.

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Wed 08-Jul-20 15:10:06

You've done all you can, the rest is up to them. How is it you have sought out all this proof, why is it you could obtain it all but not other friends. If you are acting from genuine concern, you'll have to wait it out and the truth will likely out, however, if there is a part of you that is glad that he may become single, then you may have oversepped the mark. Why are your friends group believing that you are jealous? Are your motives honourable?

user1471565182 Wed 08-Jul-20 17:28:40

If hes your best friend you should do everything you can, send him the evidence etc. so he knows the truth about the life hes leading. I think the others probably feel guilty for having sat on their arses and watched it happen.

overlooker Wed 08-Jul-20 18:22:18

Has he seen all the evidence? I don’t understand how you’ve lost all of your friends! They can’t be very good friends. How old are you all?

Scott72 Wed 08-Jul-20 19:55:54

You were sure she was cheating beyond a reasonable doubt? Unfortunately you were in an awkward position. Telling him or not telling him could both go wrong. However I think you did the right thing.

'She ended up convincing him that she only "emotionally cheated"'

Yeah, whenever people admit they are strongly attracted to someone but that they only had an "emotional affair", most of the time I think they are lying.

Anothernick Wed 08-Jul-20 20:28:10

Never involve yourself in someone else's relationship. Perhaps drop hints and clues if you have to but direct confrontation almost always ends badly, as you have discovered.

Closetbeanmuncher Thu 09-Jul-20 01:01:27

More fool him - leave them to crack on OP.

choli Thu 09-Jul-20 01:06:46

How did you get access to his girlfriend's messages etc?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 09-Jul-20 01:09:43

My friend told me not to marry exDH. We fell out for years but are friends again. There's no arguing with dumb. Sometimes idiots like I was learn eventually.

choli Thu 09-Jul-20 01:11:02

overlooker

Has he seen all the evidence? I don’t understand how you’ve lost all of your friends! They can’t be very good friends. How old are you all?

My guess is that they have the OPs measure.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 09-Jul-20 01:12:21

Classic case of kill the messenger. Leave him to it.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 09-Jul-20 01:37:34

You did the right thing OP, but they have decided to stay together, so you take the fall. What happened to you has happened to a lot of people who blow the whistle.

They are no longer your friends, move on with your own life.flowers

AfterSchoolWorry Thu 09-Jul-20 02:18:47

choli

How did you get access to his girlfriend's messages etc?

Yes, how?

WitchesGlove Thu 09-Jul-20 02:22:09

You should have sent him an anonymous letter

Bunnymumy Thu 09-Jul-20 02:35:21

So you've known for a long time and ad sll this evidence and yet only just decided to tell him?

Tbh I don't think you were particularly good friends at all by the sounds of things.

1forAll74 Thu 09-Jul-20 03:04:47

Don't get involved with other people's relationships. It's not the done thing.They can sort their own lives out.

sweetbirdofjuice Thu 09-Jul-20 10:11:29

Assuming that you acted with genuine intentions (I.e. you weren't looking to cause trouble or have a chance with him yourself), I would say you did the right thing. What was the alternative, saying nothing while your good friend was being made a fool of?

Unfortunately it is hardly unusual that the messenger ends up shot. He would have wanted to believe her version of events far more than yours and it would have been difficult to concile your evidence with that.

As for the others dropping you, I'm not sure what that was about- did she create a big thing about you lying and making trouble? I would personally look to move on for now but you could perhaps leave it a while then approach the least hostile group member on your own and try to rebuild things from there with the individuals in the group you were closest to. Groups tend to work en masse though so I wouldn't be surprised if they close ranks. Probably best to concentrate on other friendships. If you were equally close to them as he was, it is odd that they haven't even given you chance to explain yourself, said 'we don't want to get involved' then moved on and maintained the friendships.

How did you get all of this evidence though?? If it was through a lot of snooping and speaking to the other man, I can see that he might not be too happy about you doing all of that without his knowledge whatever your intention.

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