Hi Ladies
I need a bit of tongue-lashing.
My story goes thus--I (31/F) met a man (37/M) online exactly 6 weeks ago. We got along like white on rice. Sex was good, too, at least to the best of my knowledge. He had once asked me to choke him while having sex before but I was too scared that I'd kill him so I didn't do it well.
This guy also separated from his ex-wife last summer and divorce has been initiated.
When we met, he told me I was the second person he was dating. He told me the lady he was seeing pre-lockdown had moved about 200 miles away and they sexted for a while but it fizzled out. That was all I knew about her.
One time- at about the 4 weeks mark- when he wanted to show me a picture of his WiFi password (which he had on his phone) and while doing this, I noticed a naked woman picture. I asked about it; if he was sexting someone else (we had agreed to be sexually exclusive at this point) and he denied it. Said that it was an old picture. I believed him. That night, he asked that I be his girlfriend and I hesitated but said yes. He said he was happy, so was i.
Last Friday, I wanted him to send me pictures we took on a hike some weeks back and I noticed he was really fidgety and shaky with his phone and scrolled really fast. So I slowed him down and realised that after asking that we be official, he had gone ahead and sexted this same girl. He was apologetic. I walked out and promised that was the end.
The following day, my mum tried to kill herself and was so upset about this so I reached out. He was nice and apologised again. He said he hadn't sexted this girl but later confessed he did after u left the previous day. He showed me videos and what he did was use leash on his neck and tied himself up--he denied ever owning a sex toy. He promised that it was just fantasy with this girl and we agreed to take a week break while he tried to break it off.
I rang him yesterday and he informed me he was finding it difficult to break it off. He stated the reason as that they are friends-- share literature and poetry (I am a Doctor). He also said I am amazing but it's wrong timing and the fact that he found it difficult to put an end to the sexting just showed him he probably isn't ready for anything serious right now. I AM DEVASTATED! My self esteem is in shambles. I have questioned everything. That he chose someone miles away when he said we had something good going on shatters me!
This always happens--men say I am amazing but end up just fucking off. I am tired of dating and everything. I know my boundaries are shit but I tried to not take this too fast and here I am. Fuck my life.
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Relationships
I think I know the answer--just want to rant
13 replies
redheadedafro · 07/07/2020 14:18
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