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Advice on very new relationship AIBU?

(60 Posts)
summersolstice43 Tue 07-Jul-20 08:33:07

I'm not even sure I should class this as a relationship just yet as we haven't know each other too long but have been dating and doing what we can during lockdown like walks, trips to the country, meals at each others etc. The thing is, on paper he is ideal for me, caring, hot, kind, good personality, loads in common, good values etc but theres a few things that don't sit right with me. eg he came to mine last night and pushed and pushed for sex, I said no but he wouldn't let it go asking why and seemed to go in the huff (I had to physically push him off me), I told him I wasn't ready and didn't want to rush into anything. I told him I don't just want sex, I want a relationship and he's said he wants the same but its not looking like that at the min. Also, he doesn't wash his hands when he visits the toilet, I made a joke about it (I didn't hear the tap, I presume you used hand sanitiser etc) and he laughed but still didn't wash them. He knows how clean I am, bordering on OCD especially now with this pandemic. I'm not sure if I should have a word with him or even how to approach it? Or just let it go and hope it gets better?

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Tue 07-Jul-20 08:36:14

So he is a sex pest with no personal hygiene?
Get rid today op.

SausageSimon Tue 07-Jul-20 08:36:53

Sorry OP, I couldn't let this go personally. The hand washing thing is gross but I could get over that, I'd just have to have a word about it. Put the pushing and pushing for sex rings alarm bells for me! You told him hi and he kept pushing, he's more interested in what he wants to the point where he was happy to make you uncomfortable and then sulk about it

He's bad news sad

SausageSimon Tue 07-Jul-20 08:37:22

Apologies for the typos!

RandomWordsandaNumber5 Tue 07-Jul-20 08:38:47

Cut your losses and get rid.

Pushing and pushing for sex? In your home and you have to physically push him off you? My goodness, that was a potentially very dangerous situation for you.

The lack of hygiene is unpleasant but you’re completely underestimating the risk in his other behaviour.

Block him and don’t have men in your home that you don’t know.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 07-Jul-20 08:39:36

Why would you at all hope it gets better; if this is what it is like now imagine what he will be like towards you in another six months time?.
Chuck this one back into the cesspool where he belongs. When someone shows you who they are believe them as Maya Angelou once wrote.

I would not want to be seeing such a person again. He was pushing for sex and you had to physically push him off you. He was not taking your no for an answer and that is highly disrespectful of you and your boundaries to say the very least. His lack of hand hygiene after using the toilet should not be tolerated either.

Chickoletta Tue 07-Jul-20 08:39:38

Red flags here.

Timeforabiscuit Tue 07-Jul-20 08:41:47

Absolutely not, those two things alone - pushing for sex when you made it clear it was not on the cards in a very new relationship, as well as the hygiene are huge things in a relationship.

I'd cool it off before any more time was invested, he's already shown his colours.

HollowTalk Tue 07-Jul-20 08:42:55

Oh god, he's disgusting in every possible way. Get rid immediately.

NCsonoOuting Tue 07-Jul-20 08:44:48

He may say things that make it sound like he is "caring" and has "good values" but it's actions that paint the true picture of someone's heart OP.

NCsonoOuting Tue 07-Jul-20 08:45:02

He may say things that make it sound like he is "caring" and has "good values" but it's actions that paint the true picture of someone's heart OP.

CarrieMoonbeams Tue 07-Jul-20 08:48:12

Please OP, release this one back in to the wild again - he sounds like a potential horror.

summersolstice43 Tue 07-Jul-20 08:50:10

Thanks guys. I was hoping it was just honeymoon period where he has strong desires for me but now I see it from everyone elses point of view. I will back right off but not sure if it worth me trying to have a word with him about how uncomfortable he made me feel?

I really thought I was ready for dating again.

OP’s posts: |
Blueuggboots Tue 07-Jul-20 08:54:58

I'd block him and look elsewhere?!

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 07-Jul-20 08:56:41

The only communication you should now have with him is to wish him well but you do not wish to see him again.

No it is not worth having a word with him otherwise because he did not care how uncomfortable he made you feel. He could well manipulate that conversation to into making you feel like you are in the wrong.

Love your own self for a change OP.

Nitpickpicnic Tue 07-Jul-20 09:22:05

I’d certainly tell him. You never know, it might help some future woman!

I’d say that I have few deal-breakers for romance, but that I definitely have two. Not being pestered for sex, and not being exposed to gastro diseases from lack of hand washing. I’d prolly add that I strongly suspect that I’m not alone in these preferences. Tell him to feel free to poll it with friends and family. envy

Alexandernevermind Tue 07-Jul-20 09:27:49

I really thought I was ready for dating again.

You are ready for dating again, this guy just isn't worthy of you.

He painted a pretty picture as NCsonoOuting said, but showed his true colours last night. That wasn't him being overcome with desire, that was was disrespect.

Alicenwonderland Tue 07-Jul-20 09:31:03

Red flags. It's very concerning and your spidey senses are tingling for the right reason. It's not you, it's him. Move on and up.

summersolstice43 Tue 07-Jul-20 09:47:22

@AttilaTheMeerkat I'd never even thought about him manipulating the conversation, that's quite worrying as I was only thinking in my own head what I would say and not what he would say so thanks for that

I've always had a bit of a gut instinct about things but usually ignored it, I'm not going to this time. Thank you all for making me see sense

OP’s posts: |
Windmillwhirl Tue 07-Jul-20 09:50:37

Agree with everyone. He has no respect for your boundaries. You had to actually push him off? That's a major red flag.

summersolstice43 Tue 07-Jul-20 09:55:01

@Windmillwhirl Yeah he leaned in and moved to get on top of me while I was sat on the sofa so I had to put my hand on his chest and push him to make it clear that I'd said no 3 times and meant it. I'm wondering if he's been so used to getting his own way in the past and thinks its ok to try it on with me. I guess he doesn't know me well enough to understand I'm not kidding.

OP’s posts: |
Windmillwhirl Tue 07-Jul-20 09:58:55

Sorry op, totally unacceptable. You were very clear you did not want it. I hope you walk away from this one.

summersolstice43 Tue 07-Jul-20 10:02:55

@Windmillwhirl I will, thank you. I think there's enough red flags for me to not want to go any further with him.

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Tue 07-Jul-20 10:10:41

You shouldn't have to physically push someone off you to avoid sex you don't want. Best to avoid this person again as they are potentially dangerous and not just because of the germs.

Don't ignore your gut instinct, it's there for a reason.

HouchinBawbags Tue 07-Jul-20 10:22:46

Bin him off.

Just for the non hand washing alone. I'm not ocd. Not a germaphobe either but I'm also having a hand washing issue with my visiting dad. He's currently dying and here for respite. He can still take himself off to the loo okay but is getting shirty when I tell him to wash his hands. I told him clearly last night, "Dad, you've just had your hands on your penis. Now you're gonna go walk round my house touching door handles and stuff? Wash your damn hands!" If my kids can manage that then he can. Plus, if I'm holding his hands to help him stand etc, I'd rather it not be uriney, or possibly poopy toilet hands.

If your new man doesn't want to do the basic hygiene expected then actually touch you too then ew. No.

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