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What makes you feel your husband is still attracted to you

(104 Posts)
hopingtobedally Sun 05-Jul-20 21:16:36

As this has been a bit of a sticking point over the years and despite me discussing this many times and him assuring me he does his actions really don't reassure me
So just to see if I'm being unrealistic or whether he just isn't showing signs he is I would like to ask what your OH does that makes you feel he is still attracted to you

OP’s posts: |
metronome1 Sun 05-Jul-20 21:26:10

I'm in the same boat op. Sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm interested to read the responses.

Ohnoherewego62 Sun 05-Jul-20 21:30:29


Aquamarine1029 Sun 05-Jul-20 21:32:56

Actions speak louder than words. My husband will try it on at every available/appropriate opportunity, respectfully, of course. He loves to kiss me and we give cuddles many times a day. He also tells me very frequently that I'm beautiful, intelligent, etc. He fancies me tremendously.

To be clear, he is not some gross sex pest in any way. I would never tolerate that.

ComeOnEileen11 Sun 05-Jul-20 21:33:21

Erm.... Nothing springs to mind. Also following.

AnitaAcer Sun 05-Jul-20 21:34:57

I suppose actions speak louder than words. DH isnt much of a talker when it comes to his emotions but he will try it on at every available opportunity. hmmgrin

wannabebetter Sun 05-Jul-20 21:38:31

My DH is not normally very demonstrative, but now & again he just gives me a certain look, then kisses my cheek & I know he feels it (thank God as I'm mid menopause, put on loads of weight & have a moustache most of the time!!)

Ragwort Sun 05-Jul-20 21:40:00

Err ... because I am constantly thinking of excuses to ignore his amorous approaches grin, probably not the answer you want ... I often think it's sad that so many couples seem to have mismatched libidos!

Isthisit22 Sun 05-Jul-20 21:41:52

The way he looks at me.

hopingtobedally Sun 05-Jul-20 21:59:31

@Ragwort no but at least it makes me realise I'm not imagining things and there is a problem

OP’s posts: |
CharisA Sun 05-Jul-20 22:03:10

Feeling a little like that myself at the moment... I don't feel my partner is attracted to me...or even feel like he likes me at the moment... So interested in the replies

Pikachubaby Sun 05-Jul-20 22:22:53

It sort of ebbs and flows (wans or wanes?) what is the expression I’m looking for?!!

DH grabs my ass or tells me I’m pretty or sexy (usually when I don’t even think I do, eg when gardening in ancient shorts). Then for ages nothing. It’s not constant, there are phases of it (in our 27 yrs together ).

ChickenDrumstick Sun 05-Jul-20 22:26:28

He’s quite physical. Not necessarily wanting sex, but he will come home, come up behind me in the kitchen and put his arms around me, might have a gripe, might just want to kiss me. Will want to hold my hand when we go out. Wants a cuddle or wants us to lay in together. Just things that show he still wants a physical closeness.

pallisers Sun 05-Jul-20 22:28:23

He tells me I am lovely a lot. We are married nearly 30 years and he still acts like I am the young woman he married. He will quite often say "I can't believe I am lucky enough to wake up next to you" or similar. He kisses/hugs/compliments me often and we have a laugh together. We have a good sex life but that isn't why I think he thinks I am attractive - and he more or less takes his cue from me when it comes to sex - if I don't show any interest, he doesn't push it but I am never in any doubt that he thinks I am very attractive (tbh these days I think the way I look now and the way I looked back in the day have kind of melded in his head so he sees me at 20/30/40 as well as me at 50.

Marriage can be a bit hard during the intense child-rearing years though. I always felt lucky to be with him and he felt lucky to be with me but it wasn't all sunshine and roses during those times.

2155User Sun 05-Jul-20 22:28:45

Compliments, random kisses, very romantic

Voice0fReason Sun 05-Jul-20 22:35:22

The way he treats me and he tells me.

BraveGoldie Sun 05-Jul-20 22:44:10

He initiated sex a lot and all types of physical affection all the time. He also genuinely stares into my eyes and tells me I am beautiful every day - seemingly spontaneously, as if he has never said it before. He tells me he loves my skin, my scent, my curves all the time. That he thinks I am sexy and hot.

Not boasting, because I have only been with my DP just over two years, and no doubt it might change..... but that said, we are way past honeymoon stage. And my experience with my ex did not compare- even in the early years. My ex said the right thing, occasionally, when prompted, but he had no deep down physical pull to me. It lead to 20 years of my self esteem being eroded. Then he cheated on me.
MI can't describe how wonderful it feels now to be wanted.

Mylittlepony374 Sun 05-Jul-20 22:51:14

Like others have said, tries it on at every opportunity. He pays compliments when I look good. I was walking around in underwear yesterday getting ready to go out and he smiled and said "you should walk around like that all the time, it's a nice view". (It's not, I've gone up 2 dress sizes in lockdown)

Aria2015 Sun 05-Jul-20 22:56:23

Been together 16 years. It's not all fireworks all the time but I suppose his consistent interest in sex makes me feel like he still fancies me. He'll also go all wide eyed if I've got something a bit low cut on and he'll give me a kiss and have a squeeze of my bum etc... I think it's those little intimate interactions that I don't have with anyone but him that make me feel like he's still attracted.

1984andout Sun 05-Jul-20 23:00:49

He tells me often.

He puts me first with most things. Lots of things to make my life easier.

I was doing a long run today, and he made sure I had the fuel I needed and back in time for kids.

When I returned (chafed and sweaty) he was helpful with massage/cream etc.

Again not in a Pervy way but 'yeah you're beautiful despite what you look and smell like. smile

1984andout Sun 05-Jul-20 23:01:00

He tells me often.

He puts me first with most things. Lots of things to make my life easier.

I was doing a long run today, and he made sure I had the fuel I needed and back in time for kids.

When I returned (chafed and sweaty) he was helpful with massage/cream etc.

Again not in a Pervy way but 'yeah you're beautiful despite what you look and smell like. smile

aufaitaccompli Sun 05-Jul-20 23:09:00

@BraveGoldie I LOVE your story.
My marriage sounds exactly like yours and I live in hope I will be desired again.

OP, actions speak louder than words. Listen to your gut. My exDH was so disengaged it was embarrassing. So, I gave up. I was free to not have sex with me of course, however he was not free to unilaterally change our marriage AND not expect consequences.

I hope you get things sorted flowers

AlphaDalpha Sun 05-Jul-20 23:21:23

He tells me.

mamalicious3030 Sun 05-Jul-20 23:24:35

Nothing. 😔 following also. I had a baby 11 weeks ago and feel fat and terrible about myself. The odd cuddle would be nice. I want to lose weight and exercise but I'm so out of shape and I had a section so I don't know when I can start exercising. None of my old clothes fit. 😫 I'm hoping to just focus on me and have some time to do my own thing... not easy with a newborn and a 3 year old and no family support however! But I'll try! X

OhTheRoses Sun 05-Jul-20 23:36:05

30 years in.. The last thing he does before he goes to sleep is to hug me, kiss my head and tell me he loves me. The first thing he does when he wakes up is to hug me and kiss me and tell me he loves me.

Before he goes to sleep he likes to put his hand over my shoulder and I reach up and we hold hands for a little while.

Ànd, you know, the other thing................. not like newly weds but it still happens

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