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Does this sound like Aspergers?

(80 Posts)
horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:10:51

It's been suggested that my dad might have Aspergers. He has never been tested as far as I know. My dad is not a particularly nice person, so please don't take this to mean that people with Aspergers aren't nice.

He has no problem making eye contact or getting jokes. In fact he can be very funny when he wants.

He used to tell us that he never wanted children and that he had us because my mother kept forgetting to take contraception. He used to get very drunk and drive us places. When he was meant to be looking after us he would drink and fall asleep often burning holes in the furniture where he dropped a cigarette.

He said he never wanted to have a family or get married and he would sit in the shed by himself drinking. He wanted complete silence at the dinner table. He would hit me on the hands with the back of a knife if I held my knife or fork wrong.

He was always after an argument and we would scatter when he got in drunk. He once picked me up and threw me up a flight of stairs He liked to quietly wind us up by doing the same thing repetitively.

He moved very far away to another country and lived by himself in a field for a long time (20 years). He has never had another long term relationship.

He tells you exactly what he thinks with no consideration for your feelings. For example, when I was a child I bought him a CD and when I asked him if he liked it, he said no, the recording is bad. I also bought him very expensive tickets for a show, he was in the best seats I could afford and he told me that the sound was bad and he didn't enjoy it.

When he moved away I asked if he wanted to meet before he left and he said no, he didn't have time.

He would call very early on a Sunday, 7am and I would ask him not to call so early and he would start ranting about how I should be up and how lazy I was. When I said that it was the only day I got to lie in past 7am, he said that didn't matter.

He has no worries about telling you something negative about your appearance. For example, your hair looks dry. Your legs look fat.

Does that sound like Aspergers as someone suggested that to him or do you think it's something else? I don't know anything about Aspergers really, so apologies again if this is wrong.

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JoyFreeCake Sun 05-Jul-20 17:11:43

No. It sounds like he's a cunt.

Bmidreams Sun 05-Jul-20 17:18:17

He sounds like a nasty alcoholic.

ArriettyJones Sun 05-Jul-20 17:19:35

My dad is not a particularly nice person, so please don't take this to mean that people with Aspergers aren't nice.

Here we go. 🤐

Thingsdogetbetter Sun 05-Jul-20 17:21:20

Agree he sounds like a cunt and would add alcoholic. There is nothing to suggest ASD. Nothing!!

FenellaMaxwell Sun 05-Jul-20 17:21:32

What do you feel makes it seem like he has Aspergers? So far he just sounds like a cunt. Which is not a sign of ASD.

MyBassIsAce Sun 05-Jul-20 17:23:42

There is nothing, not a single thing, in that to suggest aspergers. Nothing that you describe is either am autistic trait or a manifestation of an autistic trait.

He sounds like a misanthropic alcoholic. But not autistic.

horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:24:27

He was an alcoholic yes.

I think it was suggested that he might have Aspergers because of his complete disengagement from his family. Not having any more relationships since him and my mum divorced nearly 30 years ago. Living by himself with no neighbours for miles. Completely separating himself from everyone he knew to move thousands of miles away.

Although he has had long term friendships, so he can maintain relationships, just not with his own children.

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37KAT Sun 05-Jul-20 17:24:31

Sounds very unpleasant. Why do you make the connection to Aspergers?

GazingAndGrazing Sun 05-Jul-20 17:25:33

Being a cunt isn’t on the spectrum as far as my experience has taught me

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 05-Jul-20 17:26:24

No this does not sound like Aspergers at all. How did that suggestion as well go down with your dad?.

You do not mention your mother's comments here re him. What does she make of him?.

Your father is not worthy of being called such either. He has been abusive towards you his whole life and as a parent he has failed you abjectly. Its not your fault he is like this and you did not make him that way.

horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:27:05

I know nothing about Aspergers, nothing whatsoever. Someone suggested to him that he might have it.

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PicsInRed Sun 05-Jul-20 17:27:54

He sounds like a classic alcoholic. I suppose he could have been medicating aspergers related issues, but he does really just sound like a nasty alcoholic.

Does anyone else in your family present as having aspergers?

PicsInRed Sun 05-Jul-20 17:29:10


I know nothing about Aspergers, nothing whatsoever. Someone suggested to him that he might have it.

And he told you this?

Alcoholics lie. Especially if they need sympathy ...and money.

horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:29:33

They think my granddad might have had it. My granddad was similar. I remember walking into the kitchen and he just looked at me, no sign of recognition and looked back at his paper.

My dad has always said that the felt 'different' like he never fitted in.

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raffle Sun 05-Jul-20 17:30:13

Well some of what you have written could point to ASD. Being blunt and honest in his opinions. The repetitive actions. So unsure why previous posters have said there are no indications?

horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:31:22

My dad doesn't drink any more. He stopped drinking a long time ago. He hasn't changed though. He's still the same. Recently moved countries again and didn't tell anyone he was going. Has no interest in his grandchildren at all.

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AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 05-Jul-20 17:31:53

"I think it was suggested that he might have Aspergers because of his complete disengagement from his family".

Really?. Such ignorance should have no place in the 21st century!.
Clearly that person knows nothing about Aspergers.

It may well be that his family decided to disengage completely from him over time because of his abusive behaviour. Who would be able to live with him anyway?. And its likely the case that he is still very much an alcoholic.

PicsInRed Sun 05-Jul-20 17:32:31

Could be ASD. Could be a dry drunk.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 05-Jul-20 17:35:41

I would not assume he is no longer drinking either.

He has not changed and indeed will not change. Let any and all residual hope of him changing go.

Thingsdogetbetter Sun 05-Jul-20 17:40:20

@raffle He was being repetitive deliberately wind his dc up. That is not the same thing. That is just cunty behaviour. And while some ASD people can be 'blunt', it seems clear this was deliberately done to be nasty. He set out to hurt. And it seemed to be reserved for his family. That's focused and deliberate rather than involuntary.

Windmillwhirl Sun 05-Jul-20 17:43:09

Alcoholic and bully most definitely

gotothecooler Sun 05-Jul-20 17:45:04


No. It sounds like he's a cunt.


Doyoumind Sun 05-Jul-20 17:47:07

Maybe he's a sociopath. He just doesn't give a shit about you. I don't think it sounds like ASD.

horribledads Sun 05-Jul-20 17:47:14

Yes, the repetition is done solely to get a rise out of you. He's incredibly stubborn, inflexible, has an idea that something is right or wrong, no grey areas. He's very, very persistent and very good with detail.

OP’s posts: |

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