Advanced search

Things your partner does that grinds your gears

(65 Posts)
Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 15:50:00

A thread to vent. Don’t want/need advice I just need to get it off my chest. Feel free to add yours below

I’m starting this off by saying I’m very thrifty and eco friendly (I hope)
I agreed to buying a dishwasher as I read as long as you have an energy efficient one it actually works out you use less water with a dishwasher if you were to completely fill it and keep on top of maintenance etc so I was fine with that. I also agreed to a tumble dryer (our kitchen is all integrated) as it’s good for occasional use in the winter/emergencies.

My partner just seems to put like 6 things in the dishwasher and turns it on, and then will deny it being empty? He also gets annoyed if I won’t do the washing because it’s rainy today but will be sunny tomorrow so I can put it on the line. He almost refused to fit a washing line and won’t let me get a clothes horse to hang stuff on in the house.

I’m also heavily pregnant and have been given (so kindly) a lot of baby stuff for free or have bought most stuff second hand. We have enough money to buy new but I would rather reduce our footprint and also save money! I’ve had to lie and say that all these items were new even though they weren’t. We’ve saved about £2500 buying items second hand/being passed items!

I have also bought cloth nappies as they are good for the environment, cheaper, and also I have extremely sensitive skin and eczema (genetic) and I can’t wear disposable sanitary wear as it gives me an awful painful rash, I would hate my baby to suffer the same and will do anything I can to prevent it! (They’re also cute!)

Other than that, he has insulated our house while the floorboards were up in order to stop running the heaters, and he installed good heaters for when we do have to use them. He’s also vegetarian and doesn’t use the car a lot. I’m taking what I can get and being grateful for what he does do rather than what he doesn’t

I think my eco-friendly agenda is quite extreme but I just needed to vent 🤣 thank you!

OP’s posts: |
Longsight2019 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:17:03

Reading that made me feel a little sad for you. I think we all need to be mindful of waste and unnecessary energy consumption, but being eco-friendly shouldn’t stand in the way of enjoyable, everyday life.

Maybe the focus of being mother to a newborn will place less importance on dishwasher use, floor slab insulation and vegetarians not using cars much.

Longsight2019 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:19:10

On nappies - for goodness sake get some high quality disposable nappies for your baby. They will keep them from developing sores and be far more hygienic. It isn’t about looking “cute” - it’s about keeping urine away from baby’s skin and making your life easier. You’re not living in 1957.

user187428496 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:20:30

Well, he could do the washing himself.

I don't understand why you had to lie about things being new?

Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:20:53

@Longsight2019 not asking for advice as I’ve said smile

OP’s posts: |
Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:26:18

@user187428496 he won’t do the washing up because we’ve got a dishwasher, and I prefer to do the clothes washing because his mum has got it in his head that you have to use so much detergent and fabric softener that you can smell your clothes from a mile away (which I love but as I said I have sensitive skin and eczema so for a start conditioner is a no go lol!)

Had to lie because he has frequently said it don’t want other people’s junk in my house’ ‘I don’t want our baby dressed in other people’s handmedowns’ the best part of my childhood was getting a bag of handmedowns haha! The clothes that have been given to us were from people that I know and trust, and the clothes are in fab condition, literally things we would buy anyway, and free? So generous and I’m so grateful, we were given a Mamas and Papas starlite swing for free from my mums fiancés sister, it is in fab condition and I’m grateful for it. He got so annoyed saying he doesn’t want other people’s shit in ‘his’ house and that we can afford to buy new 😂 I don’t care if we can or can’t afford to buy new, someone has generously given us a £100 swing for our baby, keep your thoughts to yourself! Or am I being unreasonable?

These are the only things we can’t agree on

OP’s posts: |
FriedasCarLoad Sun 05-Jul-20 16:30:22

Longsight, you really clearly don't know the first thing about disposable nappies. Better for baby as well as the environment.

user327253 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:31:58

Oooh, yes I need to vent.

Dumping things on surfaces 'just for a minute'. We are chaotic and messy as a family, and I have worked so hard over the last year to declutter and find a home for everything and tackle areas, so when he dumps things on these organised areas I just see red. He doesn't see clutter on surfaces as messy. Whereas I'd rather leave things on the floor than put them in the wrong place.

Buying washing up liquid when I bought eco dish soap bar (we have a dishwasher too so it's just for occasional items). He forgets and buys a huge bottle of Fairy then claims he won't next time, but he does.

Opening new toothpaste tubes when there is still some left in the tube.


Emptying his pockets onto my shelf in the wardrobe.

Putting cutlery away in the wrong compartments. Putting dishes away in the wrong place.

Cleaning things away while I am still using them (bitter knife, wooden spoon etc)

Mixing colour washing loads. He ruins stuff all the time. Hanging up his clothes because he doesn't want them tumbling but tumbling everyone else's.

Oh man, I've unleashed a beast. I could go on and on.

Btw, cloth nappies are brilliant.

Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:32:50

@FriedasCarLoad thank you smile I love that she missed all the other points I made and just made a rude comment that I called them cute. I’m sorry but have you seen Bambino Mio prints?! CUTE! wink

OP’s posts: |
Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:34:53

@user327253 omg my partner also clears things away when I’m using them! He forgets that he’s a weirdo by not cutting his sandwich in half so will take away the butter knife before I’ve cut it 😂 drives me BANANAS!!

Also glad you agree on cloth! I’m not putting myself under pressure if I can’t get the hang of it but I’ve got a couple different styles to find the right ones that work for us smile

OP’s posts: |
Qwicks Sun 05-Jul-20 16:46:47

DH has just led dd to spend all of her birthday money on one pair of trainers (£100) even though she's not at all bothered about wearing labels and they are also almost too small/very borderline ok so she'll also only get 5 minutes wear out of them. I asked if he even checked where her toes were before he bought them and the answer was "no dd said they fit fine so I didn't bother"
ON TOP OF THAT, I had told dd that we 'owed' her a pair of trainers for her birthday because I didn't want to order online (birthday in lockdown) so when I pointed out to DH that we should be paying for them he said "well I wouldn't have spent that much if I knew we was paying" but it was ok for dd to pay that? hmm had to leave the room so I wasn't tempted to ring his bloody ears!

crosser62 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:47:21

He won’t just answer a question, stutters and starts by saying “well”, then going all around the fucking houses, a yes or a no will do!

He dumps shot all over the place and leaves it there for months if I don’t move it. Currently have 2 massive bags with his & kids hobby stuff in right in front of my sofa so I have to justo over them to sit down, an empty old fish tank in the middle of the room waiting to be sold, a pile of papers/envelopes on the dining room table waiting to be sorted and an unused TV at the top of the stairs waiting to be rehired...for 2 months!

He walks past... yes PAST the coat hooks to
Hang his coats/jackets on the back of the dining room chairs. There’s 3 of them there now.

Fills the dishwasher ..with dishes he can see. So unless they are near it then they don’t go in. The table could be fill of dirty dishes, but he won’t collect them and put them in. Drives me absolutely fucking mental.

Insists on talking boring utter utter shite to people about his work when someone politely asks “how’s work?” No one fucking cares, no one is fucking interested, just shut up.

Never EVER wipes down the surfaces, never.

Just about to go out/knock at the door/ he is in the toilet having a shit. For half a fucking hour.

On the plus side, he’s making a bloody lovely Sunday roast right now.

mutantninja Sun 05-Jul-20 17:11:02

Cuts toast on the chopping board and never, ever clears the crumbs up. I would demand that he does but he has a unique ability to smear any work surface he goes near.

Hangs towels over doors despite us having perfectly functioning towel rails.

Leaves mugs on the kitchen work top above the dishwasher. PUT THEM IN.

Shoes (DS also guilty) hanging around outside the shoe cupboard.

Wallet on one surface, keys on another, sunglasses on one more. Argh.

Thinks opening windows gets rid of all dust, by just blowing it out.

mutantninja Sun 05-Jul-20 17:12:23

Yes, crosser coats on chairs. Why??

Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 17:23:56

@Qwicks that would drive me nuts! I would’ve had them returned ASAP !!

@crosser62 my boyfriend will tidy the kitchen but won’t wipe down the surfaces and it makes me want to smack his head off them 🤣 I hope that roast is the best thing to ever pass your lips!

OP’s posts: |
EsmesRedPetticoat Sun 05-Jul-20 17:24:32

My DH did the coats thing too! It’s only stopped before side he is working from home all day so rarely wears his coat at the minute!
Never puts teaspoons in the sink when he makes a cup of tea.
Never washes the butter dish before putting new butter in.
Mumbles and then gets cross when I mis-hear what he says.

willowmelangell Sun 05-Jul-20 17:24:37

Oh well if we are just venting.
My exh used to hit the alarm snooze button 6 times.(not lying, not exaggerating). Would fall asleep watching tv then when I picked up the remote and changed channel, would jump awake saying "I was watching that" and change it back.

Natasha9511 Sun 05-Jul-20 17:25:11

@mutantninja the dust thing made me laugh 😂
I bought a little dish thing from B&M for like £1 for him to put all his random shit in, and he actually puts it all in it? Just keys, card, etc etc but it worked!! I hate men 😂

OP’s posts: |
thenightsky Sun 05-Jul-20 17:28:06

Never puts lids back on anything. So when I reach for the mayonnaise jar, for example, it will smash to the floor because the lid has been turned only a fraction of a millimeter. Bottles that get knocked over (bleach, shampoo, etc) then leak everywhere.

Leaves bathroom fans and lights on every time.

Leaves all the wardrobe doors wide open so the moths get in and eat my precious wool things.

Leave toast crumbs and even Marmite smears in the butter.

Washes darks in with whites. I've lost count of how many ruined clothes I've had to bin.

Pegs out the washing in a weird fashion, so we have peg marks smack in the middle of the chest of a t-shirt or things just misshapen randomly.

Being clumsy and slap-dash around the house generally. Last week he smashed the huge lean-to bedroom mirror for example. Over lockdown all 6 of my wineglasses have been smashed.

thenightsky Sun 05-Jul-20 17:28:59

fall asleep watching tv then when I picked up the remote and changed channel, would jump awake saying "I was watching that" and change it back.

Oh God, yes, that too.

Inthebelljar Sun 05-Jul-20 17:30:47

Dp has the most inane habit where I say something to him and he’ll go “what?” and then reply straight after that. Drives me fucking nuts! I’ve asked him why he says why if he knows exactly what I said, but apparently he has no idea why! 😂 ludicrous.

Inthebelljar Sun 05-Jul-20 17:31:34

why he says what*

GreenTulips Sun 05-Jul-20 17:56:37

Opening food stuff when ones already open, milk, butter, bread, biscuits. Opens cheese at both ends.

Not emptying the bin

Moans that I brought DDs friends snacks for a movie night even though he’s capable of buying shit he wants.

Not emptying the bin

Coat on the stairs banister 6 steps past the coat hooks

Not emptying the bin

Asked me if the off milk should be poured down ‘this’ sink in the kitchen, it’s the only sink in the kitchen!!

Not emptying the bin

Did I mention the bin?

VeganVeal Sun 05-Jul-20 18:28:12

Dumping things on surfaces 'just for a minute'.

Cleaning things away while I am still using them (bitter knife (or bitter wife), wooden spoon etc)

The poor man cant win


mutantninja Sun 05-Jul-20 18:28:55

natasha he has a drawer (I bought a set specifically to address this issue) where all the crap can go. It is never used, unless I put all his stuff in it. Then there are cries of “honey, have you seen my wallet/keys/headphones/sunglasses”

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in