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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH downloaded Tinder

57 replies

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 14:29

I just found a setting in my iPhone I never knew I had. It shows all the apps downloaded across our family sharing group, by user. I was checking out what DS had downloaded and then out of curiosity looked at DH.

Soooo, he downloaded Tinder back in 2018. I've had zero suspicions and thought we were all good. I don't know what to think or do with this now? I'm very tempted to just ignore, but keep an eye out for any other signs of cheating. Should I look for anything? What would I even look for? I think I want to bury my head in the sand tbh.

OP posts:

Report

interest12 · 05/07/2020 14:53

Why not just speak to him?

Fairycake2 · 05/07/2020 14:54

Can you tell if he's still actively using it?

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 14:55

@interest12

Why not just speak to him?

Because I've been on Mumsnet for years.

Aren't I supposed to get my facts first? If I tip him off he will be better at hiding anything that might give him away? And if there's nothing to it, then there will be nothing to find?

OP posts:

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 14:56

@Fairycake2

Can you tell if he's still actively using it?

I don't know how to do that. All I can see is that he downloaded it. I'd have to look at his phone to see if it's still installed I suppose.

OP posts:

PP12345 · 05/07/2020 14:57

As crazy as it sounds, I get confused between things easily. ‘Calculater’ and ‘Calender’ on my phone I have to look at for several seconds to tell which is which.
Anyway, I nearly downloaded Tinder once as I needed a Taxi, I got confused when it was Uber I wanted.
Mistakes happen.

The usual will be along in a minute to tell you that he’s definitely cheating, has numerous children with other women that you don’t know about and whatever else they think they can convince you of.

DaisyRaisin · 05/07/2020 14:58

There could be nothing to it. I know a friend who downloaded tinder so she could see if her partner was on it... Maybe it's something he has did for a friend? Could this be possibl?. Can you check if he is still on it? If you had no other suspicions then I would take this slow as it might be nothing. I hope do anyway.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 05/07/2020 14:59

Definitely don’t mention it. It could be nothing, but I could be something. Could you have a look at his phone? Or try and find him on tinder?

heysugar · 05/07/2020 15:02

It could be completely innocent. I downloaded it once because I was curious and couldn't sleep. Of course one of my friends spotted me on there and messaged me. I was so panicked I deleted it again straight away.
I really did just want to have a look.

If you're worried, you're going to need to have a look at his phone/iPad.

Smashtastic · 05/07/2020 15:02

Gosh, I downloaded tinder once to see if it was as crackpot as people at work had talked about.

Doesn't mean anything without other evidence op.

022828MAN · 05/07/2020 15:04

Yikes. Can you get hold of his phone?

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 15:08

Ok I'm going to have a look at his phone. He often leaves it unattended, isn't secretive with it, I know his passcode and the 'usual' passwords he uses for website. Literally no red flags with his phone usage or anything else.

OP posts:

GroovyGrove · 05/07/2020 15:27

What is wrong with pp saying that it could be a mistake?... men know the difference between a taxi Uber and tinder.

Also he could easily delete the download so it would show he downloaded ever

Op I'm not saying he's using it still or that he intended to cheat but ignoring red flags and making excuses is ridiculous

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 15:39

I've had a quick look at his phone, no sign of the app on there at all. Had a quick scroll through text messages and there is one strange one from someone not in his contacts, but the phone is suggesting it someone called Emma. Asking him to call her as she's been in A&E with a broken tib and fib. This was in April and I don't recall him mentioning helping anyone, and we/he doesn't have any friends called Emma that I know.

I went back to 2018 and found a text from Tinder with an activation code. Not downloaded by mistake.

OP posts:

022828MAN · 05/07/2020 15:43

I'd want to know more about this Emma. But honestly if it was me, I'd just ask him.

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 15:48

He didn't reply to her message and I can't tell if he called her. I've tried adding the number to WhatsApp but she isn't on there. But for his phone to suggest a name, there must be something in his emails or somewhere else with her details on.

OP posts:

ravenmum · 05/07/2020 15:49

So you ask him and he says Emma is a 60-year-old work colleague who needed a lift. And you still have no idea what is really going on, but now he knows that you have been looking through his phone.

ravenmum · 05/07/2020 15:50

You could try typing Emma into things on his phone and seeing what predictive text suggests comes next. Also just google Emma and the name of his company, for instance.

whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 15:58

We were in lock down when the text came through. I've checked the mobile phone bill and he didn't call her either. I need to go through his emails and search for her I think. I won't have access to his phone again for a while though.

OP posts:

GroovyGrove · 05/07/2020 16:04

Check snapchat and house party with the number saved in your phone.

House party gave me her full name and a picture of her. All I had original was a number as he deleted everything. Blocked list is where your find more

Sexnotgender · 05/07/2020 16:06

@GroovyGrove

What is wrong with pp saying that it could be a mistake?... men know the difference between a taxi Uber and tinder.

Also he could easily delete the download so it would show he downloaded ever

Op I'm not saying he's using it still or that he intended to cheat but ignoring red flags and making excuses is ridiculous

My ex husband accused me of being on a dating app. I was on LinkedIn 😏

Sexnotgender · 05/07/2020 16:07

@whatsupnow12

He didn't reply to her message and I can't tell if he called her. I've tried adding the number to WhatsApp but she isn't on there. But for his phone to suggest a name, there must be something in his emails or somewhere else with her details on.

He didn’t reply to her message that you can see. He might have deleted his reply.

ravenmum · 05/07/2020 16:09

Her name and number might be stored on a cloud (e.g. his google account) rather than in the phone itself, hence the number not being on his contact list, but his phone suggesting it as it is linked to the cloud.

If you haven't noticed any difference in his behaviour or habits then it could indeed be nothing, but it's worth keeping an eye out.

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whatsupnow12 · 05/07/2020 16:09

I think I need some help with Tinder. I have a work mobile so I've downloaded it on there. It just gives me a screen to log in with a mobile number of Facebook. When I click Having trouble logging in, it takes me to recover my account through email.

Dumb question, how do I sign up?! So that I can search for him and see if he's active on it? TIA

OP posts:

022828MAN · 05/07/2020 16:10

Download the app and make a fake account.

ravenmum · 05/07/2020 16:11

(The Tinder activation code doesn't look good, but could still be him just looking on Tinder to laugh at stupid profiles or out of idle curiosity.)

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