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Why do men have to stay out til the early hours to have a good time with their friends?

(70 Posts)
Lsquiggles Sat 04-Jul-20 15:47:38

Low and behold with restrictions being lowered my partner and his friends want to get together next week for a 'late one' i.e. He goes out at 6pm and arrives home at 3/4am. He then ruins the next day by being tired and grumpy, ultimately having hour long naps so we can't do anything together.

They don't go out drinking but sit in and play on the PlayStation. Of course I want him to see his friends but I just can't comprehend why it has to be til the early hours of the morning? We have a young child who will be disturbed by him coming in so late and I won't be able to sleep well just waiting for him to come through the door because he never sticks to a time he says he'll be home at.

When I ask why it has to be til 3am he says 'that's just the way it is' - why?! Grown men with families can't possibly meet up at 5pm and come home at 11pm?

I'm more than fine with being told I'm being unreasonable as this isn't a regular occurance I just don't understand why these get togethers can't happen during the day hmm

OP’s posts: |
BlessYourCottonSocks Sat 04-Jul-20 15:53:50

I don't know any grown up men who do this, tbh.

I think it's just yours! (And his mates, obviously).

LittleWing80 Sat 04-Jul-20 15:55:49

He sounds like a manchild

Lsquiggles Sat 04-Jul-20 15:56:20

@BlessYourCottonSocks lucky me envy

OP’s posts: |
Fatted Sat 04-Jul-20 15:58:21

Technically you do know what time he will be home, it will be 3am. And you know that he will be too tired/hungover to do anything the next day. So I don't understand why you don't just crack on with doing your own thing.

BlessYourCottonSocks Sat 04-Jul-20 15:58:26

Sorry, OP! No, YANBU. But I genuinely don't know any blokes with a family that expect to be playing on a Playstation with their mates til 4 in the morning.

It's a very teenage boy thing.

TwillfitandTattings Sat 04-Jul-20 15:58:47

My friends and I can stay up to the early hours drinking. The difference is we both get up with the kids the next day and function as normal!

B9008 Sat 04-Jul-20 15:59:21

Could be worse, he could have a stinking hangover to go with it. I don’t understand it but I don’t get men playing PlayStation together either. Assume he is fairly young still?

Lsquiggles Sat 04-Jul-20 16:04:08

He's turning 30 soon and his friends he's known since school, so yes, they bring the man child out in him. I just think it's inconsiderate and I'd never do that to him even though he says he wouldn't mind and can't see where I'm coming from at all

OP’s posts: |
Iminaglasscaseofemotion Sat 04-Jul-20 16:08:07

How often does he do it? Do you have children?

DaisyRaisin Sat 04-Jul-20 16:17:15

Well , I'm a grown up woman and I've been known to do the same thing! (And I'm early 30s with a child),. Staying up late with friends a few times a year doesn't make anybody a bad person. I don't get how people can be so judgemental about this. We are all different . As long as we do our share in life, what's the problem?

emsyj37 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:17:43

My DH has never ever done this in 17 years.
However, I am quite partial to a good night out and a few drinks. I have come home at 3am quite a few times. I like going to clubs and dancing. If its once every few months then I wouldn't expect to be told it was unacceptable or not allowed. I'm not lying in bed all day the day after tho - I do get up and suffer in silence if I'm tired and hungover.
DH has plenty of time consuming hobbies plus a volunteer role that means he is regularly up and gone at a moments notice, including through the night. Do you have equal opportunity to do your own thing? If not, maybe thats the real issue?

Ginger1982 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:40:06

Unless you have kids, I don't really see the problem. Let him wallow in his hangover and you do your own thing.

Ginger1982 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:40:54

Sorry, I've just seen you do have a child. In that case, YANBU and I would be telling him how you feel in no uncertain terms!

YgritteSnow Sat 04-Jul-20 16:43:17

How often does he do it? If it's only occasionally then I can't see the problem tbh. Everyone needs time out sometimes and what other people see as a relaxing good time, doesn't always look like you think it should.

SueEllenMishke Sat 04-Jul-20 16:46:47

How often does it happen? I'm 38 and DH is 49. We both occasionally have nights out with mates that end up going on until the early hours. It's not just a man thing - my female friends are the same.

Occasionally - not an issue

Every week - not so great and needs addressing.

GroovyGrove Sat 04-Jul-20 16:52:19

I do this and I'm female. We stay up til 1-2am chatting have stay up til 5 am before.

I do all things I would the next day because we don't drink or anything but if my dp moaned about me doing this once and a while I would t be best pleased.

LondonCrone Sat 04-Jul-20 16:53:28

I actually think it’s really healthy for people with children to retain their identify and their hobbies, whether that’s writing haikus or getting a little shitfaced and playing video games (it’s actually a lot of fun, maybe you should try it!).

This issue here is when you say you ‘would never’. Well, why not? Why is your whole life revolving around your child and your partner, to the extent it makes you resentful when he wants to blow off steam, very occasionally, and specifically how after we’ve all been in lockdown for three months?
Does he normally do his part? Would you have opportunity to have time to yourself? If you do, do you take advantage of it? If not, why not?

That’s the part that would need addressing, I should think, for all of your sakes.

yellowfishestoyou Sat 04-Jul-20 16:55:10

If it's a one off I wouldn't mind just remind him to be quiet when coming home. When I go out socialising I sometimes don't get home until the early hours doesn't make me a child.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Sat 04-Jul-20 16:55:47

My husband is like this too. They are all like that. His mate sometimes comes round for dinner in the week and at 2am he's still here. It's normal for them. Me and my mates always call it a day by 930 blush

BacklashStarts Sat 04-Jul-20 16:57:43

How often does it normally happen? I’d it’s weekly yanbu but if it’s rare then yabu. 11pm 3am - is be in bed at either time so as long as he came in quietly and kept out of the way until not hungover then if rare it wouldn’t bother me.

Nutrigrainygoodness Sat 04-Jul-20 17:25:36

Depends how often he does it.

Our works Xmas do generally ends in a mass pub crawl and I roll in after 3am. If I'm really unlucky I have to be up 4 hours later for work. If I'm not at work, and we have no plans I'm hungover I'm staying in bed all day.

Mines a once or twice a year occurance, dp doesn't care and is more than capable of parenting and bringing me toast all day.

millymollymoomoo Sat 04-Jul-20 18:16:20

Don’t know but sometimes I go round friends and shock horror we stay up still 2- so shoot me

HavingAMoan Sat 04-Jul-20 18:29:33

I go out with my friends probably once a month or so, we drink and go home after we’ve been chucked out the pub or wherever. Sometimes it’s been 1am. So what? It’s not very often. Yes I have children. In fact we all have children, and like to let our hair down occasionally.

MMmomDD Sat 04-Jul-20 18:53:06

It doesn’t matter why he does it - him and his friends have this routine.
And it doesn’t seem to be something that happens often.
So - real question is why you take it this personally. And/or why you feel the need to control/dictate how he spends time with his friends.

Why would you stay up waiting for him? You know where he is and what he is doing - so what’s the point of worrying exactly when he comes back after playing computer games.
Feels manipulative on your side to say that you can’t sleep if he isn’t home.
Also - unless he comes home so drunk that he causes massive amounts of noise - obviously kids won’t hear anything at that time. And as to next day - can he not have a day off and just veg?
Obviously, again - if this is all really an occasional thing.

And OP - it’s healthy for a couple to spend time apart. You need to also get out - and see your friends. Maybe even have a weekend away with girlfriends or family. It’s a good thing.

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